


Growing together

by reveetoile



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Adopted Children, Adopted Sibling Relationship, M/M, Miscarriage, Past Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:00:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 33
Words: 63,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23246671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reveetoile/pseuds/reveetoile
Summary: Satoshi’s parents adopt Nino. They grow up as brothers, and it’s mostly just fluff a bit of growing into adulthood and all problems that come with it for Ohno and Nino. They will fall in love in their later years with much confusion on Nino’s part, and Ohno has a lot of patience for the other. Please if you don’t like it, just don’t read it.
Relationships: Ninomiya Kazunari/Ohno Satoshi
Comments: 215
Kudos: 139





	1. Chapter 1

Keiko stared down at her hands as they sat in the office of the orphanage. Mamoru was standing behind his wife, one of his hands on her shoulder as he caressed it softly with his fingertips to calm her down. Keiko sighed as she leant back. 

“Are you sure it’s a good idea?” she asked in a whisper and looked up at him. 

He smiled as he leant down to press a kiss to her temple. They had talked about it for a long time now, and he was still sure that this was a good idea. They had talked about adopting a child for a few years now, and he didn’t think that now was a wrong time. 

“Yes, but if you have decided not to, we can stop, okay? But we decided to go here, and Mina and Satoshi are very excited.”

“They are,” Keiko agreed with a small laugh in her voice. “Satoshi had been looking forward to a little brother,” she whispered, her voice breaking again. Her husband squeezed her shoulder, looking up when the door opened.

“I’m sorry that you had to wait, but there was a situation that needed my attention,” the woman said as she entered the room. Mamoru shrugged as he finally sat beside his wife. 

“Thank you for taking the time to talk with us.”

The woman smiled as she shook her head. “It’s my job. So I read that you want to adopt one of our proteges?”

“Yes, if possible,” Mamoru agreed while Keiko nodded slowly as well. 

“Mrs Ohno, I see you just miscarried?”

“Half a year ago, yes,” she answered her voice slightly broken at the memory of the life that wasn’t meant to be. 

“I see. I apologise for seeming so unfeeling. But I have to make sure that those kids are safe and loved. They already experienced bad things. They are not meant to be a second choice because you lost a child.”

“I understand that,” Keiko said with a frown. “And it isn’t like that. We wanted to adopt before all that happened. I already have two other children, and we wanted to share our happiness with another, not so lucky child.”

The woman nodded and then proceeded to explain what they needed to do and bring for the adoption to be possible. Keiko tuned her out after a while, knowing that she couldn’t proceed everything right now and that her husband was listening intently. Her eyes wandered to the window that led to the backyard where the younger children were playing and the thought to bring one of them home, still felt just right. 

— 

Keiko smiled softly as she knelt in front of the climbing frame where a small child was playing by himself. He was the only one not playing with someone else.

The small boy looked up when he felt the shadow falling over him, his mouth opening a bit in surprise as he looked at the woman. 

“Hello,” he said after a moment of silence. “Who are you?”

“I’m Keiko, who are you?” she asked in a bit of amusement as he looked her over with curious eyes. 

“I’m Kazu! Play?”

“What do you want to play?” 

The small boy looked around and then pointed at a small ball. “Ball.”

Keiko chuckled as she nodded. “Okay, but then you have to come out from there.”

Kazu nodded as he crawled out from under the climbing frame and waddled over to the ball. He grabbed it with both hands before pushing it to Keiko, who caught it and then rolled it back. 

—

“Ninomiya Kazunari is our newest addition,” the woman said as she looked out of the window. “He tends to hide from the other children but is very affectionate with the adults.”

Keiko nodded slightly in understanding her eyes going to the boy the woman was talking about. He was cute and seemed to ignore the children around him. 

“His mother left him here for adoption just three weeks ago. He is not as far developed as he should be at his age and has anger issues. The doctors we brought him to think that his mother abused drugs, we don’t know what he has suffered through up until he ended up here. He would need someone with experience; that’s why we rule out any couples that are looking for a first child.”

“That’s horrible,” Keiko choked out. “How old is he?”

“Almost three. I know I’m jumping this on you. But if you are serious, we would be happy if he finds a new safe and most of all, loving home. He is still young; we can’t provide him with what he needs here. He is suffering from withdrawals symptoms, and I totally understand if it’s too much for you. But since I saw in your documents that you are a trained nurse…” The woman looked honestly, sorry. 

Keiko looked at the small boy again, her heart going out for the little boy who clearly didn’t have the best start in life.

“We don’t know how to handle that kind of problems,” Mamoru said. 

“But you would be willing?”

Mamoru looked at his wife. “If we could meet him first,” he said with a small smile. 

“Of course. We need you to come to meet him a few times before anything will be decided either way.”

Mamoru nodded, helping his wife up and going outside to meet Kazu. 

— 

It was a few weeks later and after many talks with the people at the orphanage, child therapists and doctors as well as a few meetings with Kazu they were allowed to take him home. Keiko had already fallen in love with the shy boy who seemed to have opened up to them. 

“Hello!” he cried out, and Keiko picked him up when he reached them. 

“Hello, Kazu.”

“Sa-To?” 

Keiko chuckled at the hopeful look on his face. It was true that Kazu hid from all children, but he liked to play with her son. And Satoshi had fallen in love with the small boy the first time he had seen him. 

“Satoshi is waiting in the car for us.”

“Play?”

“Yes, later. Kazu you remember that we asked you if you want to live with us?”

Kazu nodded as he sucked on his thumb as Keiko carried him inside. “Where is Momo?”

“Bed,” Kazu said as he wriggled in her arms until she put him down. He walked down the hallway, holding to Keiko’s hand, which led him carefully to the bedrooms. It took a while since Kazu had still problems walking as he had a broken leg when he arrived here. 

Inside the dorm, Kazu climbed on his bed and pulled down the stuffed bunny he had gotten from Satoshi as he had liked it so much when he had visited them the very first time. He hugged it tightly, looking up at her. He grinned when he saw Mamoru coming in with the nice lady of the orphanage. 

“I’m sorry there isn’t much,” the woman said, but Mamoru shook his head with a smile. 

“We already brought things for him at home. I would feel bad if we took the little you have,” he mumbled as he came to the bed and ruffled Kazu’s hair. 

“Ready to go?”

“I think so,” Keiko said as she picked up Kazu again. 

“Go?” Kazu asked with a sad face as he hugged the woman closer. He didn’t want them to leave that early. 

“Yes, but with Kazu,” the lady from the orphanage said, getting his attention. “Kazu, I’m happy to tell you that from now on you can live with them.”

“With Mamo, Ko?” he asked, looking at the adults who nodded.

“Yes, and Satoshi and Mina,” Keiko said as she caressed his hair. 

His lips formed a pout since he didn’t understand fully what they were talking about. “Leave?”

“Yes, say goodbye, Kazu. We won’t come back here,” Keiko whispered as she hugged him tightly. Kazu nodded and waved at the room with his bunny tightly in his hands as Keiko carried him outside. As they reached the car, he waved at the woman from the orphanage before peering inside the car. A bright smile was on his face as he recognised Satoshi sitting inside. 

He shrieked in happiness, holding out his arms for Satoshi. “Sa-To!” he said giggling as the woman stripped him inside his high seat. Satoshi took his hand in his own, moving it up and down. 

“Hi Kazu,” he said happily to know that the other would be his brother from now on. 

A/N: Okay… bad beginning but the real story starts from now on xx I have no idea how adoptions work in Japan, so sorry again.


	2. Chapter 2

Kazu held tightly to the shirt of Keiko as they stepped to the house that would be his home soon. He still couldn’t really understand what was happening. The only thing he realised was that he could play with Satoshi each day now and that he would live here from now on.

The fingers of his other hand were in his mouth, sucking at his thumb nervously and a bit scared as Keiko carried him inside. She was smiling down softly at him, and he stared into the faces of the others who were staring at him with curious eyes. He hid his face at Keiko’s shoulder, whining softly and Keiko softly stroke his back. 

“Shh… Everything is okay,” she whispered, gesturing for the others to go away and leave them alone. She smiled when her husband picked Satoshi up to carry him outside, explaining that they needed to check something in the garden while Mina said she had to do some homework.

—

“I wanted to show Kazu, papa,” Satoshi said with a pout when he was brought outside. It was no fun to be here all alone when he had a little brother to play with!

“I know, Satoshi. And I promise you can play with him all you both want later. He is just very scared and confused right now.”

“Mama and papa are not scary,” Satoshi said with a pout in his voice. “Not scary at all.”

His father chuckled softly as he put him on the swing and even pushed him a little. He turned his face up to be able to look at the older man as he swung his legs aimlessly.

“I’m glad you think so. But Kazu doesn’t know that yet. He doesn’t know us well.”

“You met already. He knows me. Kazu knows I’m not scary,” Satoshi decided. The younger boy had hugged him after all, and you don’t hug people that were scary.

“That’s true. Mh, Satoshi it’s really hard to explain. But Kazu’s mommy… His mommy was ill, you know? And sometimes she did things that were not nice to her son. That’s why Kazu was in the orphanage. And that is why we are now his new family.”

“New family? Will he go back to his mommy?”

Mamoru sighed as he shook his head. “No, he won’t. She can’t take care of a little boy since she is so ill. She decided that it’s better if he lives somewhere else. Somewhere where people are not ill and can take care of him, ne? Someone to love him like we do now.”

Satoshi frowned as he stared back to the floor and at his feet. He still didn’t understand it fully. But he understood that Kazu would be with them now. That was good. Because he liked Kazu. 

“I will be a big brother,” he said with a grin. “I will be the best big brother!”

“I know you will. Ne Satoshi, if there are sudden loud noises, they might scare him, and he might be crying ne? Or sometimes he might do something that scares you. It’s important that you know that Kazu is a little ill himself. So if that happens, you need to call for your mama or me, okay?”

“Yes, papa. But I will protect Kazu from scary things,” he promised with a smile. Mamoru chuckled as he pushed him a few times more with the swing.

“I know you will,” he said as he finally moved to the front to catch Satoshi when he jumped from the swing while laughing. “How about you go to your room now? I’m sure your mama will come with Kazu there when he has calmed down, and you can show him your toys. He has not brought any after all.”

Satoshi made big eyes as he remembered that Kazu had only the toy bunny they had brought with them the very first time he had allowed to visit the boy at the place where all the children had been.

“He will get some from me!” he yelled and ran inside to start looking for the toys that he would be able to give to his brother from now on.

— 

“Do you want to drink something, Kazu?” she asked when they were alone, and Kazu peaked up again. He relaxed just slightly when he realised that they were alone and put his head on her shoulder as he nodded. She smiled as she caressed the long hair of the boy, frowning slightly at the feel. She could already feel that his hair wasn’t all healthy and she wanted to cut it just to make sure that he felt more comfortable. 

Satoshi wasn’t due for another haircut for at least two weeks, but she hoped that she could convince the boy to do it now to show Kazu that there was no need to be scared about it if he was scared. But for now, she just wanted him to feel comfortable in her home. So she kept him on one arm as she went around the kitchen to prepare hot chocolate for him. Kazu observed her with curious eyes, the thumb still in his mouth but at least the dead grip had lessened a little. When she had filled the warm drink in a cup for children and sit down with him on her lap. 

Kazu carefully let go of the woman as he was placed on her lap and pressed against the adult. He always tried to be close to another with his whole body if possible, and they all let him then. Keiko held him around the waist so that he wouldn’t fall down and helped him with the other hand to hold the mug with both hands. 

“For Kazu?”

“Yes just for you,” she said with a small chuckle. His eyes brightened just a bit as he carefully took the first sip of the treat. He licked his lips and then took another sip of the drink. It was delicious. 

Keiko laughed softly as she watched the boy enjoy his drink. She played with his hair as he finished the glass slowly. “Yummy?”

“Uhn,” he said, nodding happily as he licked the rest of the cream from his lips. She chuckled as she hugged him close for a second.

They stayed silent for a bit until the boy got a bit uncomfortable and started to fidget on top of him. She put him to the floor and smiled as he jumped up and down. “Are you ready to discover your new home?”

“YES!” he yelled and took hold of her shirt when she stood. She played with his hair before carefully leading him out of the kitchen. 

“If you are hungry or thirsty you can come into the kitchen all the time, okay? I normally prepare snack plates with fruits or vegetables you can eat if you want something else, you can tell me ne? And you’ll have your own cup to drink whenever you are thirsty,” she explained, watching him as he observed the room. He nodded mutely, and she led him through the other rooms in a similar fashion. Explaining to him what room they were in and making sure that he understood that he was welcomed in any of them. 

“Sa-To” he cried out when they found Ohno in one room playing with a car on the carpet. He smiled toothily as he waddled over to him and fell to his knees in front of the older play. “Brumm-Brumm,” he giggled as he pointed at the car. 

Satoshi giggled as he offered him the toy and then took another one from the side so that they could sit side by side, moving the cars on the carpet that was made out of streets and houses. 

Kazu made happy noises, and Keiko chuckled as she observed them for a moment. “Do you want to play?”

“Uhn, play,” Kazu agreed, making some noises that could be interpreted as the noises a car made and she hummed in agreement. 

“Okay. Satoshi, I’m heading to the kitchen for lunch. Call me if you need anything, okay?”

“Will do, mama,” he said happily that he was allowed to play with his new brother now because he had felt really sad when his father had explained to him that Kazu needed to be alone with his mother for a bit. 

Satoshi talked with Kazu about anything that came into his mind and about the playing cars grinning whenever Kazu repeated something. His parents had told him that Kazu had a lousy time until now and that it was their job to make sure that the other boy was happy. And since he was a big brother now, he wanted to make him happy and help him with everything.

That was also why when he saw that Kazu was starting to drop and rubbed his eyes he stood and carefully picked the small toddler up to carry him with problems to his bed to put him inside and put the blanket over him. 

“Kazu sleepy, bye-bye,” Satoshi said with a grin as he ruffled his hair softly. “Good night Kazu.”

“Sleepy-night Kazu,” the little boy agreed, and Satoshi caressed his hair until the little boy fell to sleep, then he went down to his parents to tell his mother that Kazu was sleeping.


	3. Chapter 3

“Satoshi, come here for a moment,” Keiko called, and Satoshi nodded as he walked over to his mother. Keiko smiled as she helped him climb onto her lap. 

“Mama, what is wrong?” he asked curiously. 

“Kazunari’s hair is quite long, ne sweetheart?”

“Yes, he looks like Mi-nee,” he said with a giggle. “But prettier,” he added in a whisper as he looked around. Mina was always trying to look pretty nowadays and didn’t play with him that much anymore. She had a funny but sometimes scary look in her eyes when he said others were prettier than her. But she was his big sister! Even his mama was prettier.

Keiko sighed with a small smile on her face. “He does a little ne? But his hair is not healthy, and I want to cut his hair.”

Satoshi grimaced as he didn’t like cutting his hair. But then he understood that it was necessary if the hair wasn’t healthy. Keiko had explained to him that cutting it made it grow back a bit more healthy. 

“I fear that he will be scared of the scissors. Just like you are.”

“Am not,” Satoshi agreed as he shook his head wildly. He was scared of nothing!

Keiko chuckled softly as she played with a strand of his hair. “Then, maybe I can cut your hair first after his nap. And you can show him that it’s not scary and doesn’t hurt?” she asked. 

Satoshi made big eyes at those words. He really didn’t like cutting his hair. He was scared of the sounds it made, and he was sure that his hairs hurt when they were cut. But he was a big brother now. And he didn’t want Kazu to be hurt or scared, so he nodded with a big pout on his face. 

“Oh my brave little hero,” she cooed and hugged him tightly, tickling him slightly as he did so. He giggled as he wriggled on top of her. 

“I’m a big boy now! Kazu is little,” he disagreed, though. 

Keiko laughed softly as she kissed his forehead, making him smile. He liked the warm kisses and hugs from his mother. They were always very special—another kind of special from the gentle hugs of his father. 

“True, you are my big boy now,” she said in a playful voice and squeezed his cheeks, making him laugh loudly. 

“And as you are so very brave it’ll be curry for dinner, sounding good?”

Satoshi’s eyes sparkled as he jumped from her lap and did a funny dance at the living room cheering for the curry his mother would make for them. He loved his mother’s curry. His mother’s cooking was the very best! Kazu would be so surprised, he thought with delight.

Keiko smiled as she ruffled his hair and went to the kitchen to prepare the promised food finally. It would need a while on the stove to make sure that it had the sweet taste that Satoshi favoured. Satoshi followed her and climbed on the small step that was there. 

“Can I help?”

“Yes, you may help, but first wash your hands,” she said. He nodded with a pout but hopped off the step again to run to the bathroom and wash his hands. He peered into his bedroom when he went back, grinning when he saw that Kazu was still sleeping, hugging his bunny tightly in his arms. 

“Kazu is still asleep,” he announced as he was back and climbed up again. His mother had already put peeled potatoes on a chopping board for him together with a knife that he was allowed to use if he was very careful doing so. 

“That’s good,” Keiko said as she observed him for a moment, before starting to prepare a homemade roux for the curry and then took over with cutting the onions and carrots that were too hard for him. He cut the apples in turn and grinned whenever she was not looking at him so that he could put a piece in his mouth. 

Keiko hid her grin at his antics and washed her hands when she was finished. She prepared everything in the pot and stirred it under Satoshi’s curious eyes before picking him up so that he could stir the whole mix when the water was inside.

“Now the lid and then we have to let it simmer for a while,” she explained.

“YES!” he cried out happily, flinching when there was suddenly a loud cry from the bedroom. His fingers tightened their grip around his mother’s neck, who flinched because Satoshi pinched her skin with how tightly he held her.

“Everything is okay,” she whispered as she carried him over to the stairs where his father stood already. “Go to your papa, sweetheart.”

Satoshi wanted to disagree and hide at his mother’s side and then go to Kazu, but he was scared because of the loud cry, and his papa had explained that Kazu only needed his mama in these moments. That was why he hesitantly held his hands out for his father and pressed his face against his chest, now crying himself. 

“Kazu hurt?”

“Kazu is scared, Satoshi,” his father whispered as he rocked him in his arms. “He had a bad dream, I’m sure. Your mama will make it all go away.”

“Promise?”

“Yes, promise. Let’s look for a snack, okay? Kazu will be hungry after his nap. How about we cut some fruits or vegetables?”

“I can cut apples, and cucumber,” Satoshi sniffed. Rubbing his wet cheeks. “Mama said, I’m really good at that.”

“Oh, that’s great,” he praised him as he carried Satoshi to the kitchen to prepare a snack plate with a mix of fruits and vegetables for both boys later. 

—

Kazu was thrashing wildly in the blanket he had around him, and Keiko was there just in time to safe him from a nasty fall as the sheet finally unwounded from around his legs. 

She rocked the boy in her arms, as she tried not to flinch or wince whenever the thrashing hands hit her. “I got you; I got you. Everything is safe,” she said in a soft voice, praying for him to calm down. It was slow, but finally, he slumped against her, crying softly as his face was pressed against her breast. 

“Did you have a bad dream?” she asked, needlessly as she felt him shaking and shivering against her. She settled down as her hand wandered over his back. Since Kazu didn’t outright react to her, she started to rock him again. 

“Baby mine, don’t you cry. Baby mine…” she sang until she felt him relax. She caressed his cheeks and rubbed away the tears. “Let’s get you cleaned up,” she said, not caring about the wet spot on his trousers as she picked him up again and carried him to the bathroom. 

Kazu was silent and clung to her most of the time as she cleaned him and washed his face before putting him into new clothes. She would make Mamoru change the sheets when she had both children downstairs, she decided with a sigh. 

“Arm?” Kazu asked hopefully as they were both changed. Keiko nodded with a smile as she picked him up and hugged him against her. 

Kazu put his head back on her shoulder, trustingly as she carried him to the kitchen. Kazu peered carefully at the two people in there. Mamoru smiled at him and ruffled his hair as Keiko sat him down at the table beside Satoshi, who was eating one slice of apple.

Kazu carefully took a piece of banana when Satoshi pushed the plate closer to him and ate it. Keiko observed him before whispering to Mamoru about the mishap with the sheets, and the man vanished to clean the bedroom without question as Keiko sat down with her sons. 

“Kazu, I want to cut your hair today, will that be okay?”

Kazu looked at her with big red-rimmed eyes as he nibbled on a piece of cucumber he held with both hands. “Hurt?”

“No, it doesn’t hurt. But then your hair won’t fall into your eyes anymore, and it won’t hurt to comb it,” she explained as Kazu tugged at the knots with a frown on his face. 

“No hurt?”

“Promise. It doesn’t hurt, right, Satoshi?”

Satoshi nodded as he ate another apple. “I will cut Satoshi’s hair as well, ne? So you can come with us and make sure it won’t hurt, okay?”

“Momo too?”

“No, Momo doesn’t need to cut his hair yet. But you can take him with you. He will watch as well, ne?”

Kazu nodded as he held the next piece of banana a bit too tightly in his fingers so that it got squished up. He frowned as he stared at the mess, frowning slightly. Keiko chuckled and got up to get a washcloth and clean the mess. “It’s okay. Do you want something to drink?”

Kazu nodded as he started to eat some more of the prepared snacks and drank the water Keiko put down in front of the children. Satoshi did so as well, telling him things about what they could do the rest of the day and about the curry his mother made.

“And tonight we can bath together, and I read you a story. As I was little, I always bathed together with Mi-nee, but Mi-nee doesn’t want to anymore because she is all big now,” he said with a pout on his face. 

“But Kazu will bath with me, right? I have a duck to play with and a ship. It’s fun!”

“Bath scary,” Kazu said. “No water above.”

“We won’t be showering,” Satoshi agreed as he scrunched up his nose. “Showering is scary ne? But we can sit in the bath. It’s like in the swimming pool in summer. Just not in the garden. Oh, we can play in the garden Kazu. I can push you on the swing.”

“Kazu can’t. No moving alone.”

“I can’t do it well as well,” Satoshi agreed. “Mi-nee can go so high that she can touch the sky with her feet. The clouds even! But papa will push us if we go to the swings. He does it good,” he giggled. “It’s fun.”

“Fun good,” Kazu agreed as he put the last piece of banana in his mouth. “Kazu full.”

“Good shall we cut your hair then. Afterwards, you can go out in the garden with your papa, Satoshi.”

Satoshi nodded happily as he hopped from the chair holding out his hand for Kazu who took it after just a second of hesitation. Satoshi giggled as he swung their arms. “Let’s get Momo. Mama will prepare here, right?”

“Yes. Tell your papa to give you a big towel, okay?”

“Is papa up?”

“Yes, he is doing laundry,” she said with a smile. Satoshi nodded as he led Kazu back to his room to get Momo. While Kazu carried the bunny with both arms, Satoshi went to get the towel and brought that down to the kitchen. He frowned for a second as he saw the scary scissors but then a determined look crossed his face as he climbed on the chair. He was a big boy now, and big boys were not scared of haircuts. He would show Kazu that it was not scary at all.


	4. Chapter 4

Keiko chuckled as she put a towel around Satoshi’s neck and started to cut his hair while humming lowly in her throat. She knew that Satoshi was always very nervous about having his hair cut, and if she didn’t think it was necessary for Kazu, she wouldn’t have made him do it. 

Kazu sat on the chair across from them, hugging his Momo close to his chest as he watched Satoshi closely. “Owie?” he asked somewhere in the middle of the hair cut. 

“No, it doesn’t hurt. Mama is very careful,” he said as he moved his legs back and forth.

“No scary?”

Satoshi hummed as he carefully held his head straight so that his mother could continue without cutting him somewhere where it would hurt. “Scissors are scary,” he said instead. Because his mama always told him lying was terrible. “But mama having them not so much.”

Kazu nodded in understanding as he moved his legs together with Satoshi. He giggled whenever their feet hit each other. Keiko smiled as she finished and put the scissors on the table to clean Satoshi and then put away the towel. “Finished,” she said, and Satoshi giggled as he jumped off the chair. He ruffled his very short hair. 

“Look feels funny,” Satoshi said and took Kazu’s hand in his own so that the younger could feel his hair. Kazu giggled at the soft feeling and nodded. 

“Kazu your turn, okay?” Keiko asked as she cleaned off the chair. 

“Okay,” he said as he got off his chair and let Keiko lift him on the other one. He held his bunny tightly when he was seated safely.

“You don’t need to be scared. I would never hurt you,” she promised as she patted his hair.

“Uhn,” he mumbled as she put the towel around him and carefully sprayed his hair with a bit of water, before combing it carefully and starting to cut the hair. 

“Mama sing?” Satoshi asked as he sat close to his brother and held the one hand that was not clinging to the bunny. “I like it when mama sings. It’s nice ne?”

“Yes, Sato-mama good. Me likes,” Kazu agreed readily. 

“Oh, is that so? Then, of course, I will sing you a little song,” she promised before she started to sing a song to both children. 

Satoshi hummed along as he moved Kazu’s hand in his own who giggled softly at that, not realising that Keiko had already started to cut his hair in a similar fashion that Satoshi now had.

“All done,” she declared after a few songs and clapped her hands as she put the scissors down. “Was that scary Kazu?”

“No,” Kazu said as he shook his head with surprised, wide eyes. “Sato-mama nice.”

“My mama is the best!” Satoshi agreed with a giggle when his mother rolled her eye sand, tickled him.

Kazu looked troubled for a bit as he sat still for Keiko to clean him and remove the towel from around his shoulders. 

“What’s wrong, Kazu?” she asked as she knelt in front of him, not minding the hairs on the floor and that she would get dirty. 

“Sato-mama love Sato?”

“Yes, of course, I do,” she agreed with a small smile. 

“And Mi and Sato-papa?”

“Yes.”

“Kazu-mama no nice. Hurt,” he murmured with a frown on his face. He hugged Momo closer to his body as tears came into his eyes. 

“Don’t cry, Kazu,” Satoshi whined, but Keiko smiled as she picked the boy up to hug him and rock him in her arms. Satoshi robbed closer to them on his knees and patted his hair. 

“Kazu-mama is no real mama!”

“No mama?”

Satoshi shook his head with a determined frown on his face, that brought a small smile on Keiko’s face. 

“Mi-nee explained. All mama’s love their children and they don’t hurt others. Hurting other’s is bad, papa said so!”

“Kazu no mama? No papa. So Kazu alone?” he asked with a worried face, tears still on his face as he clung to Keiko with one hand and stared down at Satoshi with a distraught expression on his face. Keiko bit her lips as not to say anything. She wanted nothing more than to hug the little boy and tell him that everything was going to be okay. Still, Satoshi was looking so seriously and Kazu so hopefully at the boy that he somehow trusted from the very first moment so much that she didn’t want to intervene too much. 

“Kazu baby. Baby can not alone,” Kazu said as he sobbed softly. 

Satoshi shook his head as he stroke his hair softly with a hand. “Kazu is my brother now, ne mama?”

“Yes, we adopted him,” she agreed with a soft smile as she cleaned Kazu’s face carefully. 

“What is?”

“Adoption? Did you forget, Kazu? Ne, we told you you will live with us now, ne? You are part of this family.”

Kazu frowned as he nodded. They had told him that multiple times now, but he only really understood that he was not going to live in that house with the many children anymore or the house with the doctors and scary things anymore. 

He also won’t live with his mama anymore. That the scary doctors had already told him as he had been there. Because his mama hurt him and that was no good, just as Satoshi had explained now. But he didn’t understand what living here entitled. 

“Kazu brother?”

“Yes, I’m Kazu’s big brother, and Mi-nee is your big sister. Mama and papa are also Kazu’s mama and papa now, right?” he explained again, looking at his mother. At least that was how his parents (and then again his sister when he had asked her one night) had explained it to him before they had brought Kazu today. That was why he was very, very excited about it.

Because Kazu was an adorable brother and he was going to be an even greater big brother! So that meant he needed to explain things to Kazu, so he had to listen more carefully to mama and papa and Mi-nee and later in school.

Kazu’s little mouth fell open at those words, and his eyes wandered over to Keiko with confused if even a bit hopeful eyes. “Sato-mama is Kazu-mama also?”

Keiko rubbed his cheeks softly as she nodded. “If you want me to, I would be very honoured to be your mama,” she agreed carefully. “But even if you don’t want to call me mama, you should know that you are in my heart,” she said with a smile as she took his hand and put it on her chest. 

“Do you feel it beating?”

“Uhn, doki-doki,” he agreed with a smile on his face as he shuffled in her arms to be able to put his ear there as well and listen to the heartbeat for a moment. 

“Can you hear it Kazu?” she asked, and he nodded silently. A thumb in his mouth as he sucked on it and calmed down very slowly. “It says I love and care about you very much. It wants you to be happy, Kazu.”

“Kazu listens,” he agreed. “Sound nice.”

“That’s good. Kazu are you feeling better?”

“Uhn,” he nodded again as he looked up with big eyes.

She smiled as she put him onto his feet again and ruffled his hair with his fingertips. 

His eyes widened as he remembered his new haircut. The feeling of Keiko’s fingers in his hair was nice. Better than earlier. 

“Sato look, look,” Kazu yelled as he pointed at his hair. “Short?”

“Very cute now,” Satoshi said with a small smile on his face as he ruffled his hair. “Do you want to look? Papa can lift you and show you in the mirror, ne mama?”

“Yes, go show your papa your new looks,” she agreed. 

Kazu giggled as he nodded, jumping up and down in excitement. Then he ran over to Keiko though who bend down to be able to meet his hug around her neck.

“Thank you.”

“You’re very welcome, Kazu. Now off you go, you two. I need to clean this up, and if I remember correctly, you wanted to go to the swings?”

“Ah, yes! Kazu hurry before it gets dark. We are not allowed out if it gets dark,” Satoshi remembered with wide eyes. They were allowed sometimes when there were visitors over, but today there wasn’t, so he was sure that he had to go to bed after dinner. 

They ran upstairs to Mamoru who made all the right noses as he saw their new haircuts and then agreed to take them out and push them on the swings, much to Satoshi’s delight.


	5. Chapter 5

“Kazu, Satoshi, Mina dinner is ready,” Keiko called as she stood at the door to the garden. Mina had come down after she finished her homework, and the three started to play in the garden with a ball. 

Mamoru sat on a chair on the patio where he could watch the three of them and intervene if needed. Luckily Mina and Satoshi got along very well and seldom got into a fight. The only problem was that Kazu wasn’t able to kick the ball as well as the other two at the beginning. So he started to get agitated and frustrated, short to a tantrum. Mamoru had calmed him down and then proposed to them to roll the ball on the floor with their hands instead of kicking them. 

“Hungry, Kazu?” Mina asked as Satoshi jumped to his feet to bring the ball back to where it belonged. Kazu nodded as he stared with big eyes at the girl, who laughed as she held out her hands for him to grab. 

Kazu giggled slightly as she pulled him up by his hands, making it sound very hard until he stood on his feet. 

“Mama made curry because Satoshi begged her to do so. I hope you like curry, it’s Satoshi’s favourite, so mama makes it a lot,” she explained as they walked side by side inside.

“Kazu likes?” he questioned as he frowned. He ate whatever the people put in front of him, and he didn’t know what it was very often. Some things made his tummy hurt, and he tried not to eat it, but his mama got mad then, and at the house, with the many people they were supposed to eat whatever there was. Only the doctors had been nice if he hadn’t managed some things.

“You don’t know?”

Kazu shook his head his lips downward unhappily. “Kazu stupid,” he whined.

“No, Kazu is not stupid,” Mina said as she ruffled his hair. “None of my brothers are stupid. But if you don’t know yet you can find out now ne? Mama’s curry is delicious. It’s mild and yummy. And if you don’t like it, you tell mama, and then next time she will make something else for you.”

“Eat all, angry.”

“Nobody will be angry, I promise. Satoshi doesn’t like carrots. So mama lets him pick them out of his food, but we have to try them first.”

Kazu nodded, still a bit insecure as they arrived at the door where Satoshi was rocking on his feet with a happy smile. 

“Kazu food!” he cheered. “Yummy food. But first, we have to wash our hands.”

“And face,” Keiko reminded Satoshi since they all had streaks of dirt on their faces.

Satoshi frowned a bit unhappily, but then he nodded as he took Kazu’s free hand and together they went to the bathroom to clean up before returning for the kitchen. 

“Kazu, look this will be your chair,” Keiko said, picking him up under his arms to swing him around and then put him on the children’s chair as Kazu giggled happily. She put a plate in front of him and ruffled his hair. 

“Like rice,” Kazu realised as he stared at his plate. He didn’t remember if he had the rest at least once. He frowned as he bit his lips as he moved his legs on the chair. 

“That’s great. You can try the curry with it or just eat the rice,” Keiko said. She had put the rice and curry on separate parts of the plate because she didn’t know what he liked. And Mina had always been a meagre eater, meaning that she sometimes didn’t like eating food that was mixed.

Satoshi didn’t care, but still, she had always put everything separate for him to try first and now she would do the same for this little boy. She put tea beside his plate so that he could drink and sat down after she was sure that everybody had a plate in front of them.

“Thank you for the food,” the others said, and he hurried to do the same. He didn’t want to get scolded. 

He took the spoon in his right hand, frowning deeply as it always was a bit hard to handle anything that way. He put the food in his mouth, munching slightly. “Taste good,” he cheered after he had eaten a bit of the curry with the rice. 

“That’s good,” Keiko said softly as she continued to eat.

“Look Satoshi, Kazu even likes the carrots,” Mina teased the boy who pouted and had to work very hard as not to stick out his tongue into her direction. His parents didn’t like that. 

Still, he grinned happily at Kazu. “I told you, mama is the best!” he said as he frowned and carefully picked out the carrots of his curry and put it on an extra bowl that his mother had already placed beside his seat. His father and Mina would eat them, he knew that, but he had still tried to eat them, of course. 

But he just didn’t like them. Kazu ate his food slowly until he was full and then bit his lip as he wriggled in his seat. He had always been told that he should be thankful for the food given to him and finish it always. 

“I’m full mama,” Mina said then suddenly and pushed the plate to the middle of the table. Kazu’s eyes widened as he stared at the still quarterly full plate. 

“Okay, sweetheart. Stay at the table until we are finished though, okay?”

“Yup,” Mina said with a small sigh as she leant back and made grimaces to Kazu beside her, who watched her still with big eyes but started to giggle at the funny faces she made. 

“Kazu do you want to eat more or is your tummy full?” Keiko asked then. Kazu looked up with big eyes and then very carefully shook his head. 

“Tummy full,” he almost whispered. “But food good.”

“I’m glad you liked it,” she said as she took the plate away and rubbed his cheek with her thumb. He giggled happily before looking back at Mina who started to play a small, almost silent games with him. He blinked in surprise as Mamoru ruffled his hair and set him down on the floor. 

“Your plates to the sink,” he explained as he handed them over. He nodded and put them on the counter for which he needed to stand on his toes and then followed the other two children to the living room to look at a picture book. He was feeling drowsy slowly after playing all day outside. 

It didn’t take long before Mamoru stepped into the living room with a smile. “Satoshi, Kazu let’s take a bath?”

“Yes!” Satoshi cried out happily. He liked taking a bath because he could play with the water and the suds. Kazu stood a bit more slowly and frowned as he clung to Satoshi for a bit. He was nervous about the bath time since he really didn’t like that. 

Mamoru smiled as he carried him up to the bath where he had already filled the tub. Satoshi took off his clothes without his help and then walked over to the small space where they could wash and wash away the suds before stepping into the tub. 

Kazu clung to Mamoru as they were inside, his thumb in his mouth as he was already nervous. Mamoru talked softly to him as he helped him to take off the clothes and sat him down on a small stool close to Satoshi who was wringing out a washcloth as he sang a washing song about all body parts that needed to be cleaned. 

Kazu stared at his new brother in wonder, but slowly he couldn’t help himself as he relaxed under Satoshi’s natural way of doing things. Mamoru’s cautious hands as he helped him to wash his body with a second washcloth (or more likely third since he had given Kazu one to try and copy Satoshi while he was running the cloth over all the parts that Kazu couldn’t reach).

Satoshi giggled as he sat on the floor beside them. “Papa water!” he demanded. “The water bucket to wash all dirt away, yes?”

Mamoru rolled his eyes with a smile. “First we should do your hair,” he said before kneeling, and Satoshi moved around with a happy laugh. Mamoru showed Kazu how to wash Satoshi’s hair, and Kazu giggled when he was allowed to help, which was no more than playing with the strands of his hair with his fingers.

“Now close your eyes,” Mamoru warned his son who did as he was told and even held his hands in front of his face, but he was still giggling as Mamoru filled the bucked and emptied it on top Ohno who shrieked. Kazu winced but was surprised to see that Satoshi was still laughing as he got up, and Mamoru lifted him into the warm water of the tub. 

“No bucket,” Kazu whined, and Mamoru smiled as he knelt beside him again. 

“We don’t need to use a bucket. Don’t worry, we’ll be very careful that nothing goes into your eyes,” he explained as he took the showerhead and put it on a low spray to wash away the soap from Kazu’s body. Kazu was shivering slightly as he was still very nervous about it. 

But Mamoru was careful so that in the end he even managed a small smile as the man was finished and put him into the tub, skipping the hair washing since it was not that necessary if it meant that Kazu was still a bit more relaxed. He sat in front of the tub where Satoshi was trying to make Kazu smile as he moved his favourite rubber duck around. In the end, he pulled it under the water, moving his hands more closely to the other before letting go. 

Kazu startled slightly as the duck shot from the water, his eyes wide. He giggled at his shock and started to play with the rubber duck as Satoshi took his boat from the side and moved it around on the water. Mamoru smiled as he began to tell a little story and poured a bit of water over the boys’ shoulders so that they won’t get told. It was his and Satoshi’s way to spend the evening, and now it would, of course, include Kazu. 

Kazu listened carefully, and just when the story ended, Keiko knocked at the door, telling them it was time to get out of the bath. Mamoru pulled Kazu out of the water and dried him in a big soft towel. 

“Feel nice,” Kazu said as he almost snuggled into the towel, hiding a small yawn. 

“Sleepy, Kazu?”

“Uhn sleepy Kazu,” Kazu agreed as he rubbed his eyes. Mamoru smiled as he helped him into a pyjama. 

“Then say goodnight to Satoshi, mh?” he said with a smile. He held Kazu by his hips so that Satoshi just needed to stretch a bit to press a kiss on Kazu’s cheek. 

“Nighty, night, Kazu.”

“Nighty,” Kazu agreed, hugging Mamoru around the neck, who told Satoshi to be careful as he carried the boy out to hand him over to Keiko who was waiting for them. 

“Night, Kazu. Sleep well,” Mamoru whispered, ruffling his hair. Kazu nodded and very shyly kissed the man’s cheek, giggling at the funny feeling. He hid his face shortly after at Keiko’s shoulder and held her tightly. 

Keiko smiled as she caressed his hair and brought him to his room. He looked around curiously as she put him on a children’s bed. 

“There is a night-light, Kazu. It’s a panda because you said you like them, ne?”

“Cute,” Kazu said as he looked at the light with a happy smile. He didn’t like all dark. That was scary.

Keiko caressed his cheek and hair as she put him into the bed carefully and kissed his forehead. “Good night, Kazu. Do you remember where my and Mamoru’s bedroom is?”

Kazu nodded as he hugged Momo again, who Keiko had already put beside his cushion. 

“Good, if you wake in the night or the morning and something is scary, or you are lonely you can come to us, okay?”

“Okay.”

Kazu watched her as she dimmed the lights and then turned on a turtle, that played soft music and made stars appear on the ceiling. He stared at the stars with wide eyes and a happy smile. 

“I like.”

“They are beautiful ne?”

“Uhn,” Kazu said as he laid back to look comfortably at the ceiling and the beautiful stars, before looking at Keiko. 

“Sato-mama nice.”

“I’m glad you think so.”

“Sato-papa also.”

She nodded as she sat down beside him on the bed. His fingers were still in his hair, and he sighed happily at the pleasant feeling. He felt sleepy and yawned widely, making her chuckle. 

His eyes closed as he hugged Momo more tightly and snuggled into the nice soft blankets. He liked his things here. They were all very soft and warm and smelled very good.

“Sleepy-bye, mama,” he muttered as he fell to sleep. Keiko smiled softly wiping his cheeks as she made sure that he was warm and safe before she kissed his hair. 

“Good night and only the best of dreams, my sweet child,” she whispered. Her heart full with the trust that the boy gave her whole family.

A/N: The first day is done xD So I won’t need (hopefully) three chapters for the other days that are to come XDD but the first day was somehow especially crucial for this story.


	6. Chapter 6

“No! Please! Kazu good. Kazu sorry. No hurt!”

Keiko was up in a second as she could hear the cries coming from the room besides their bedroom. They had decided to give Kazu the room beside them so that they could hear whenever he was in trouble. Originally Keiko had wanted to install the children’s bed in their room, but Kazu had gotten used to not sleep with adults in the hospital and they wanted to make him get used to his room soon so that he would feel comfortable enough there to take a break whenever needed.

She ran to the room to pick up the thrashing boy in the bed, ignoring the hits she got from him as she started to rock him in her arms. She had been surprised that they were able to sleep through the night but then again, Kazu had been very exhausted after the day yesterday.

“Baby mine, don’t you cry. Baby mine, dry your eyes. Rest your head close to my heart, never to part, baby of mine,” she started to sing continuing the song softly until Kazu had calmed down, his head on her chest and she swayed them both softly from side to side, as she placed him more comfortably on her lap sideways. 

“Badam…Badam,” he whispered, his thumb stuck in between his lips sucking at it softly. 

“Yes, that’s right,” she smiled as he visibly relaxed with a deep sigh. 

Keiko rubbed his back as she felt how Kazu started shivering and kissed the top of his head. “All awake now?”

“Uhn, stay with?”

“Yes, you can stay with me,” she whispered as she got to her feet, him still firmly in her arms. “We should get ready for the day, ne? We can make a big breakfast for the rest.”

“Me help?” he asked with big wondrous eyes and she nodded with a chuckle. 

“Of course. One can never start early enough to help in the household. Especially if they want. I would never force you ne? But if you want to help you are always very welcome.”

Kazu giggled happily at the promise and hid his face at her neck for a bit as she carried him to the bathroom, to change his sweaty clothes and throw away the used diaper. It was just for during the nights and mostly until Keiko was sure that Kazu would not beat himself up for wetting himself during the nights, but she wanted to get rid of it as soon as possible as she could sense that Kazu was not that comfortable wearing it. 

“What do you want for breakfast?” she asked as she helped him brush his teeth and then held her arms open for him. “Arms or do you want to walk?”

“Arms,” Kazu decided. He felt very comfortable in her warm arms and wanted to have that feel for as long as possible. 

“And do you know what you like to eat?”

Kazu shook his head as he sighed softly. He scrunched up his nose cutely since he was not used at being asked what he wanted. If they had sweets each child was allowed to pick one out of a bag but that was all. 

“Oh, how about we check the fridge together and you point on things that you like?”

“What Sato?”

“What Satoshi likes? He likes almost everything,” Keiko laughed. “He is fond of Japanese breakfast. Shall we do that? With eggs, rice, soup and a bit of fish?”

“Uhn,” Kazu nodded. “Rice good.”

“True,” Keiko agreed at she opened the fridge to let him peek into it. She could feel him stiffen for a moment before his mouth fell open. 

“All full?”

“Of course, there are many hungry tummies to feed.”

Kazu nodded as he bit on his finger. “Always food?”

“Yes, there is always food for you available. If you are ever hungry you just have to ask, right?”

“Only food time.”

Keiko sighed as she shook her head and stroke his hair. “No, not only during meals but all days. If you play a lot you get hungry. Some days you might not be that hungry at mealtime but hungry later and then you can have a snack. Also, if you don’t like something you can leave it. But I would like you to try everything.”

“No extra!” Kazu said as he shook his head. 

“Here there is always space for wishes or extras,” she promised as she kissed his cheek. She sighed when she felt him start shivering once more and scanned the fridge for the medicine she got for Kazu from the orphanage. 

His body was still suffering withdrawal symptoms and never had Keiko wanted to hurt a person as much as the mother of this little boy in her arms. She had planned to maybe feed him first and get him comfortable but she didn’t want for her little boy to suffer. 

“Kazu let’s get your medicine, ne? And then you still need to choose at least one thing you want to eat out of here, okay?”

“Okay,” Kazu said as he grabbed her neck tightly. “Tummy hurt.”

“I know, sweetie. This will make it better,” she promised as she carefully counted the drops on a spoon and fed the medicine to Kazu. 

The boy grimaced softly as he shuddered almost violently. He didn’t like the medicine but he had already learnt that he felt so much better when he took it then if he didn’t. 

Keiko rubbed his back softly before he relaxed once more, his head dropping on top of her shoulder and allowing the woman to hold him with one hand. She took the things for breakfast out slowly and Kazu pointed at the cucumber and after a bit of hesitation to the blueberries.

Keiko smiled as she kissed the top of his head as she took both out as well as the bell pepper for Satoshi because he liked them and put everything on the counter. She bopped Kazu’s nose softly with a grin.

“Do you want to play or help?”

“Help,” Kazu decided promptly. He was a bit proud that Keiko thought he would be able to help so of course, he wanted to do that. 

Keiko smiled as she put him on the counter, looking at him sternly. “Don’t move too much. I don’t want you to fall, alright?”

“Okay,” Kazu agreed as he watched her turn around to bring his high chair closer to the counter. He made a noise of surprise when with a few movements she made a stand for him that was surrounded by rails in the height of his waist when he was lifted in so that he could reach the counter with ease but wouldn’t be able to fall from the stand. She grinned at his look of wonder and started to prepare the breakfast. 

Kazu was allowed to swirl the rice in the water bowl as she brought it over and to stir the egg mixture before she would pour it into a heated pan. For the soup, he could pour in a spoonful of dashi powder in a big pot and stir it again, while Keiko cut the vegetables in snack able sizes and marinated the fish to cook it when the rest was up. She took the pot to put on the heat before taking a new knife and standing behind him. 

“This we cut together, okay?”

“Danger?” he asked as she hummed and put the tofu in front of Kazu. She handed him the knife and put her hands on top of his. 

“Not if we do it together and be very careful with our fingers. You know knives are sharp, right?”

“Uhn hurt.”

“They can hurt if you cut yourself. That’s why we need to be very careful. So we do it together.”

Kazu nodded as he watched Keiko cutting the tofu together with him. He grinned proudly as that was finished and she helped him down again after cleaning his hands. 

“See you were a very big help, Kazu.”

“Kazu help!” he agreed with a grin and clapped his hands as he jumped up and down. 

“Yup. And now you can help me again.”

He nodded with big eyes, watching her curiously. “I will set the table and put the hot things on there as well and you go upstairs to wake the rest?”

“Kazu wake?”

“Yes, it’s time for breakfast and time for them to get up or they’ll sleep away the whole day.”

“They mad?”

“Never would they be mad with you for waking them. They will all cuddle with you for a bit probably before they stand up. So you need to be firm and make them stand up, tell them breakfast is ready.”

“Uhn,” Kazu nodded as he got up a bit undecided. He stared at the door where Mamoru was probably still sleeping first, before squaring his shoulders and stepping inside. 

Sato-mama had said that waking them was okay. And they had told him to come if he needed anything during the dark time. So Sato-papa won’t be mad. (besides this was the only door that was at least slightly open and Kazu couldn’t exactly reach any doorknobs.)

He crawled closer to Mamoru on the low bed and carefully shook his arm. “Up! Sato-papa, up! Bright out.”

Mamoru opened his eyes as he had already heard the boy when he had entered the room with a smile as he hugged him. “Good morning,” he said as he tickled Kazu who giggled as he wriggled on top of him. 

“No Cuddle. Sato-Mama food. Kazu help.”

“Oh, you prepared breakfast already?”

“With ma… Sato-mama.”

“Then we can’t cuddle just yet. You’re right,” he said as he tickled him again. “But you need to wear your slippers ne? Aren’t your feet cold?”

Kazu stared down at himself and wriggled his toes at the question. He hadn’t realised since Keiko had carried him mostly and the kitchen had been warm. The tiles had been cold though. 

Mamoru grinned as he touched the wriggling toes. “Freezing. Fast, we need to get you slippers,” he said as he swung him in his arms as he stood. Kazu shouted as he laughed while Mamoru carried him over to his room where his slippers had been abandoned. 

“Sato and Mi. Up!”

“Yes, let’s wake them,” he agreed as held Kazu up to open the door to Satoshi’s room and run over to the bed. He climbed onto the bed and landed halfway on top of Satoshi as he shook him as well to wake him up. 

Satoshi grumbled as he put his arms around the boy to snuggle with him. “Sleepy.”

“No sleep. Up, food. Kazu help. Sato-mama food. Tummy speak.” Kazu struggled to sit up and ended poking Satoshi’s cheek until the older boy opened his eyes. He grumbled again but then he grinned as he hugged him even closer. 

“Teddy bear.”

“Kazu no teddy. Kazu is Kazu! Kazu food.”

Satoshi giggled at his words but then nodded as he ruffled his hair. “Kazu is Kazu, right. And I’m hungry.”

Kazu giggled as he was picked up by Mamoru again. “Kazu wake.”

“Kazu is very good at waking people up. Do you want to wake up Mina too?”

“Yes.”

Mamoru grinned as he helped Satoshi climb out of the bed. “I will join you in the bath in a bit. Choose some clothes?”

Satoshi nodded as he walked over to the three options his mother had put out yesterday night. He rubbed his eyes with a small yawn as he picked out one from each pile as well as underwear and walked out again. In the bath, he put it all to the side and dragged a small step over to the basin to wash his face and hands as his parents had taught him when Mamoru and Mina came in as well to get ready. 

Mina had climbed onto Mina’s bed and shook her awake as well. The girl had grinned since she had already woken up by the commotion of the others a bit earlier. 

“Good morning,” she greeted Kazu and kissed both of his cheeks much to his delight as he allowed her as well to hug him for a moment, before telling her that breakfast was ready.

Now he was standing at the doorway peering in carefully. “Kazu good?” he asked as Mamoru looked at him. 

“Kazu was very good,” Mamoru said with a smile as he turned the sand clock so that Satoshi and Mina could check if they brushed their teeth for long enough. 

“Kazu can wake us up each morning,” he promised. “And if he sleeps longer we’ll wake you up, okay?” 

“Okay,” Kazu said carefully, with a small smile. He turned around to run down again and came to a stop in the middle of the kitchen.

“All up. Kazu wake. All wash.”

“Oh my what a great helper I have now,” Keiko said as she smoothed down his hair. She helped him into his chair and put a cup of tea in front of him together with a few pieces of cucumber. “Your tummy is all growly. Better eat something before they come down, okay?”

“Okay,” Kazu agreed as he held his stomach for a moment, before starting to eat as he felt really hungry now. He grinned happily when the others came down and sat around them. Keiko served the full breakfast and they all said their thanks.

After breakfast, Satoshi and Kazu ran off to play in the living room with some of Satoshi’s toys and Mina agreed to help her parents to clean up the table.


	7. Chapter 7

The next few days started in a similar way. With Kazu waking up early, often crying or shouting because of bad dreams. Keiko often got up in the mornings to calm the boy down and then start the day together with him. They would get ready in the bathroom with Kazu, before going into his bedroom again to choose clothes for the day together. 

“So many,” Kazu mumbled again as they stood in front of the wardrobe that was installed in his room. Keiko smiled as she held him carefully. Many things were from Satoshi who had grown too big and she hadn’t gotten around of getting rid of them yet. But they weren’t torn and Kazu seemed to prefer the soft washed out texture of the clothes to the newly bought one they had also bought when it was clear they were going to adopt. 

Keiko wasn’t sure why that was but for now, it was completely fine for her. 

“Yes, all yours now,” she agreed, smiling when a look of wonder came over Kazu again at the thought that he owned so many things now. 

Kazu stared at the things as Keiko pulled a few clothes out and put him down to allow him to choose from them. Kazu touched each item for a moment before choosing a jeans trousers and a mustard coloured shirt. Keiko ruffled his hair as she also took a sweater for later and helped Kazu to change clothes. 

“Do you want to go to Mamoru and cuddle with him or help with breakfast?”

Kazu tilted his head as he thought about it with a frown on his face. Some days he liked to help and some he wanted to spend a bit more time with Mamoru. Sometimes even Satoshi came to the bed and they all laid down together until Keiko called them. 

“Sato-papa,” he decided then. 

She nodded as she bopped his nose. “Good, any wishes for breakfast?”

“Bananas?” he asked shyly. He still wasn’t used to be asked so often about his preferences but slowly he learnt that Keiko would smile and nod whenever he mumbled something.

“Okay. Now off you go. I’ll call you when breakfast is ready,” she promised. 

He grinned a bit as he scuttled off to run into his parent’s bedroom. Mamoru was already up and smiled down to him as he came over to climb onto the bed with his hands. 

“Good morning, Kazu.”

“Morning,” Kazu agreed as he climbed onto his lap and smiled when the older man embraced him. 

“Didn’t you bring Momo today?”

Kazu shook his head as he looked up. “Momo sleep.”

“Oh, I see. How did you sleep Kazu?”

Kazu frowned at the question and bit his lip. “Bad voices,” he said with a small whine in his voice. Mamoru nodded as he swayed him softly in his arms.

“Sounds not good, but now we can snuggle ne? And then later we’ll take a walk. We can watch the flowers again.”

“Flower nice,” Kazu agreed with a smile. “Colours.”

“Yes, many flowers. Do you remember which colour you liked best in the flowers.”

Kazu frowned a bit as he tried to remember all the colours Satoshi had named. “Red!”

Mamoru grinned as he nodded. “How many were there again? I can’t remember?”

“One, two, three…” Kazu counted at his fingers and then showed to full hands at him. “That many.”

Mamoru made a loud sound as if he just remembered and then tickled the little boy who dissolved in giggles at that. “True, you liked the poppies the best. There were a lot of them on the path we followed.”

Kazu nodded with bright eyes. “Poppy,” he agreed, giggling again when Mamoru squeezed him tight. 

There was a call from Keiko and they both fell silent, looking at each other. “Can you hear mama call us?”

“Uhn. Food.” 

“Yup. Since we are still alone this means the rest is still asleep. Do you want to wake them?”

“Mi-nee sleeping?”

“Yes, today is no school,” Mamoru agreed. Mina was often up early as well because of school and Keiko mostly woke her up with Kazu when they were finished in the bathroom. That way Mina had enough time to get ready and Kazu had the chance to say goodbye to her after they had breakfast together. Something that helped him a lot to not panic when the girl was not at home suddenly like the very first time when Mina had run out without telling them all goodbye since she was running late. 

Mamoru always had to be at work around ten am and by that time everybody was already up and running. 

“Kazu wake,” he agreed then. Mamoru carried him over to his siblings’ rooms to allow Kazu to wake them all with a hug and a kiss before the three went to the bathroom and Kazu ran down to Keiko. 

“Ma… Sa,” he cried out happily before stopping short. He frowned a bit unhappy as he more often than not slipped up. Sato-mama was just so long and Keiko was to him like all the mommies in their stories and… He really wished to have a mama like that. 

“What’s wrong, sweetie?” Keiko asked as she picked him up. “Does your tummy hurt?”

Kazu shook his head but then he halfway nodded with a frustrated sigh. His stomach did hurt already again. But he knew that he was okay and that the sweet drops he had to take twice a day would make it go away. 

“Not all, that’s troubling you,” Keiko then said and he nodded. “But first you take the medicine and then you can try to tell me?”

“Uhn,” Kazu agreed as he opened his lips to take the spoonful. He licked his lips and leant against her. She smiled as she carefully threaded her fingers through his hair until the slight paleness in his face was gone and the pasty look in his eyes as well. It was good that Kazu sometimes didn’t realise how he got worse. That meant they finally had the timing and amount of medicine under control, but of course, that meant that she and Mamoru had to be doubly careful. 

“Are you feeling better?”

Kazu nodded carefully but then he turned around to be able to look at her with big serious eyes. Keiko bit her lips as to not giggle because she could see this was important to the little boy. 

“You are Sato mama?”

“Yes,” she said. “As well as Mina’s mother.”

He nodded as he bit his lips. He took a shuddering breath and gripped his fingers tightly. She carefully ran her fingers along his side to keep him calm because she didn’t want him to hurt himself. 

Kazu had his brows furrowed as he moved his lips for a few times as if to prepare for what he was going to say. Then he stared at her again, still very nervous looking but also kind of cutely determined. “You Kazu mama now too?” he stumbled a bit over his own words and there was an unhappy frown on his face. “No Sato-mama? Say, mama? I can?”

Keiko carefully lifted her hand to caress his warm cheek. She did it very slowly since the little boy in front of her looked frightened and the last thing she wanted was to make him think that she would hurt him in any way.

“Of course. I would be very happy if you call me mama as well, ne? You are my sweet child, baby mine,” she whispered as she hugged him tightly. 

She rocked the boy in her arms when his arms snaked around her neck as sobs wrecked the little body. “You are home now. A forever home with a mama, a papa and a brother and sister,” she whispered as he cried on her shoulder whispering ‘mama’ again and again. 

She looked up when there was a small sound from the doorway and saw the confused gazes of her children with the worried look of Mamoru. 

“It’s fine,” she whispered as she pointed to the table for the other three to sit and carried the boy outside so that he could calm down without curious eyes. She knew that Mamoru would be able to handle the other two and their questions now.

It took a while until Kazu had calmed down again and she moved his face back a little bit. She smiled as she cleaned the wet face and helped him to blow his nose. 

“Shall we eat, Kazu?” she asked then.

“Tummy growly,” Kazu agreed. She smiled and carried him to the kitchen where the rest was. He hid his face shyly at Keiko’s neck when they entered and he felt all eyes on him. 

“No need to be shy, Kazu,” she said softly.

“Kazu sorry,” he pressed out. 

Satoshi grinned as he held out his hand and waved. “Crying is good, not a bad thing, right? I cry also because I love mama so much!”

“Yeah, Satoshi is a crybaby,” Mina teased. 

“I’m not a baby!”

“You are.”

“Am not. I’m a big brother,” he pouted. Mamoru rolled his eyes. 

“No fights at the table. Mina, stop teasing your brother, Satoshi, try and not get upset at the teasing of your sister.”

Satoshi pouted and stuck out his tongue to his sister who did the same. “

“I’m not a baby,” he repeated and Mina rolled her eyes, but finally nodded. 

“But you cry, a lot.”

“Mama says crying is okay!”

Keiko sighed as she put her hand on Satoshi’s head to ruffle his hair and put Kazu down who was looking from one to the other. 

“And it is,” she agreed.

Mina giggled but then she nodded when it was clear that Satoshi was now earnestly upset. “Of course it’s fine. It’s cute,” she said then. Now eat your breakfast so that you will grow even stronger,” she advised.

Satoshi looked at the rest of his cornflakes and then nodded. “I will grow strong and big and protect Kazu!” he decided. 

Kazu giggled softly when the milk splashed as Satoshi let the spoon almost crash into his bowl.

Keiko prepared a new portion of warm porridge with banana and dark chocolate pieces for Kazu and put the bowl in front of the boy. Kazu’s eyes sparkled at the sight and he started to eat it soon after. Warm food was always better for him to stomach and a bit of sweetness would be the best after how upset he had been, she thought. And even if she wasn’t fond of throwing food out today was an exception.

“After breakfast, you three can go and play in the living room or do your homework,” Mamoru said as he drank his coffee and made sure that the spill from Satoshi was soaked up. “While your mama and I will clean up here. Afterwards, we will go for a walk and visit your grandparents,” he said with a small smile at the cheers of the elder two children and the little confused frown on Kazu’s face at that.

“Poppies?”

“Yes, we’ll watch the poppies again,” Mamoru promised, making Kazu smile happily. The rest he didn’t know yet, but he would learn. And Mamoru, as well as Keiko, had agreed for Kazu to meet the rest of his new family one after the other as to not overwhelm him too much, too soon. But since everybody was so curious to meet him they needed to start with that already (especially since they would feel more comfortable if Kazu knew them if it was needed that one of them had to babysit).

A/N: This chapter was meant to be about the visit mostly… But it already got too long as it is… This is evolving into a monster. Sorry, I hope you enjoy it and it’s not too boring. Just because I like writing such uneventful things doesn’t mean it’s enjoyable to read it


	8. Chapter 8

Kazu wandered beside Satoshi over the paths leading to their grandparents' house. Satoshi knew the path already well because they walked it often on weekends. He looked forward to being allowed wandering there on his own. Mina was already allowed to do so, but Satoshi had to be with his parents, grandparents or his big sister, which was unfair. He wanted to go there alone! His grandmother made the best cakes.

Kazu stopped, tugging softly at Satoshi’s hand as he wandered over to the side and leant down as he finally found his favourite flowers. His eyes were wide as he touched the soft, see-through petals of the poppy, smiling happily as they stayed on the flower. 

“They are pretty, right?” Satoshi asked the boy who nodded with a bright grin.

“Look pr… nice,” he decided after he had frowned for a while since he couldn’t form that word in his mouth that Satoshi had used. It was too hard to pronounce just now. 

“Papa says we can’t take them because then they die too fast,” Satoshi said with an unhappy frown on his face. Otherwise, he would try to get some for Kazu to take with him to his room. 

“No die!” Kazu cried out and Satoshi nodded. 

“We let them here ne? Until they go on their own and then next year there will be new ones.”

Kazu nodded as he stared at the flowers for a bit longer before he got to his feet and ran after Keiko and Mamoru who had already continued on their path. He held Satoshi’s hand tightly, who giggled as he ran beside him, being careful as to not being too fast for the boy. He didn’t want Kazu to hurt himself and he didn’t want to see him fall because of him. He was sure that his mother would scold him then as well. 

“Sato?”

“Yes, Kazu?”

“What grand…” Kazu furrowed his brows before he put the parents behind it, looking quite proud that he had managed to pronounce the word the right way.

“What they are?”

“Yes,” he said with a nod and bright eyes. 

“They are mama’s mama and papa. They are very nice. Grandma always has cakes or cookies and we are allowed to eat as many until our stomach hurts. And they make great hot chocolate and pancakes. Better than mama.”

“Mama food good,” Kazu disagreed. The food that Keiko made for him was the best so far he had ever eaten. It was always the perfect temperature and didn’t burn his tongue. And it tasted good and didn’t make his tummy go funny or hurt.

“It is,” Satoshi agreed with the boy. He would never say that his mother’s food was bad. But some things were the best from his grandmother. “But those are the best from grandma. I promise,” he said with a small grin. “You’ll see.”

Kazu nodded and nibbled at his lower lip as he followed the others a bit more reluctantly. 

“Like Kazu?”

“Everybody will like Kazu. Because Kazu is very cute and nice,” Satoshi said as he swung their hands together. He grinned at him happily as he skipped beside him. 

“No all.” Kazu looked at him a bit sadly. He was not so sure if his mother liked him or his father. Since they hadn’t been nice to him. Not as nice as Keiko at least. He followed Satoshi more slowly as he stared at the floor with furrowed brows. He felt slightly bad now and wanted to go home. 

Satoshi bit his lips as Kazu stopped walking and started rocking on his feet. He did that when he didn’t feel well. Satoshi didn’t know what happened then but it was always one sign that Kazu would start to cry or even hurt himself. “Mama!” he called out, making the adults stop and turn around. 

Keiko looked confused for only a second before she let go of Mamoru and came forward to scoop the boy up in her arms. Kazu flinched first but then he realised that it was Keiko who got him and not the monsters that had slipped up into his mind. He hid his face against her shoulder and sniffled softly. 

He didn’t cry but then he relaxed in her arms. Keiko pressed her lips against his head and carried him to the others as they continued their walk. He sighed, relaxing softly and closed his eyes as he put his head more comfortably on her shoulder. He nibbled at his thumb as he watched Satoshi and Mina run in front of them now. 

“Kazu what happened?”

“Sato lie.”

“How did Satoshi lie?” Mamoru asked with a frown. His son normally didn’t lie but he supposed that it was something that Kazu misunderstood.

“Say all like I,” Kazu mumbled around his thumb as he frowned. “No right.”

“That’s not really a lie though,” Keiko said with a smile. “For Satoshi, it is the only thing that makes sense. For him, he likes you so much that it makes no sense that people don’t like you. He didn’t say it to be mean, ne?”

Kazu nodded with big eyes. “Kazu like Sato,” he then said. “Sato most nice.”

“Some people also don’t like Satoshi,” Keiko explained, chuckling as the little mouth fell open in surprise and he looked at her with big eyes. “It’s true. It’s normal for us not to be liked by all people. But it’s enough if the important people like you.”

Kazu nodded with big eyes as he sighed. “Mama like?”

“I love you very much, as does your papa.”

“Grandparents?”

“They will love you as well. Don’t worry. Do you want to pick some flowers for them?”

“No die?”

“Huh?”

“Poppies die.”

“Ah yes, because they are so fragile. They are not easily picked. But if you chose some other flowers with your siblings they will keep up for a bit longer. But Kazu, all flowers die in the end, just to be reborn. You just have to be careful as to not pull out the roots.”

“Kazu want. Grand happy?”

“Yes, they like flowers very much. Especially if they are very colourful,” Keiko promised as she kissed him again on the cheek. He grinned and nodded then. She let him down on the floor again and he ran up to the other two children and told them about picking the flowers. Keiko sighed as she watched him go, smiling when Mamoru put his arm around her waist. 

“You did well.”

“He didn’t lose himself this time. I’m glad. I feared we would have to go back home. Satoshi and Mina love their grandparents and would’ve been very disappointed and unhappy.”

“Mhm…” Mamoru hummed as he kissed her temple. “But they are good kids. They understand that he still needs time.”

“The question is: how long will they accept that they have to be more careful with him around?”

“We will make sure that they’ll all be fine,” Mamoru said in the end and she nodded thankfully. She hoped that it would be like that.

“Mama look!” Kazu cried suddenly walking over with his hands full of flowers. “Mi, Sato. I gift!”

“Oh beautiful,” she cooed as she ruffled his hair. “They will love them. And we are almost there. Only this corner,” she said. 

The children cheered and Keiko held Kazu’s hand as the other two ran away to run to the garden and greet their grandparents with loud happy voices. Kazu hid halfway behind Keiko as the other adults appeared and greeted them with smiles. “Kazu don’t be shy,” Keiko whispered and pushed him to the front. 

Kazu was shivering slightly and for a moment Keiko was not sure if this hadn’t been too early. Still, he stepped out from his hideout behind her legs and held the flowers out to the old woman in front of them. She had a very nice smile, he thought. It reminded him a little bit of Satoshi and Keiko, but still, he was so used to getting told that he was just trouble and should get lost.

“Are those for me?” she asked and he nodded. 

“Gift,” he said slightly almost stumbling over that simple word and in his haste to offer them to her he almost fell to his knees. But Mamoru was behind him, steadying him with a warm hand on his shoulders.

“Oh, they look wonderful. Thank you, Kazunari. Let’s go inside? I prepared hot chocolate for you and a nice cake. Your mama told me you like strawberries and bananas?”

“Uhn,” he said, smiling shyly as she took the flowers and made a show of sniffing them with a hum, again praising him how beautiful they were. He almost forgot that Satoshi and Mina had helped him picking them as he was just happy that she was still smiling. 

“Grandma, is grandpa inside?”

“Yes, he brought out the wooden figures for you to play with. He told something about a battalion?” she said to Satoshi who cheered and ran inside. The woman chuckled as she offered Kazu her hand. “Let’s head inside? We will show grandpa the beautiful flowers you brought.”

Kazu stared at her hand for a long time, wondering if it was safe, but she didn’t falter once and in the end, he put his hand to hers, smiling when he could feel the warm, wrinkled skin against his own. It felt different from Keiko’s but somehow even more familiar.

Inside Satoshi’s grandfather greeted them and praised the flowers as well, making Kazu’s heart swell at how honestly happy they looked from that little gift. He watched the woman put them into a nice looking vase.

Then he was led to the table, making big eyes at the creamy cake with strawberries on top of it, cheering loudly when he got a big slice on a plate and discovered chocolate chips and banana slices inside. “All for Kazu?”

“Yes, of course. Eat as much as you can,” she grinned and he nodded happily. He still was not used to having food all the time, and Keiko sometimes had to take him to the fridge just to show him that there was still food inside to calm him down, but it was better slowly. 

“Yummy,” he cheered, smiling when the adults chuckled as Satoshi climbed on a chair beside him, opening his mouth for a taste before giggling as he got his slice of cake put in front of him. They ate in silence and Kazu relaxed around them quite easily and ended up calling them grampa and momma. Pet names that the elderly people accepted easily. 

On their way back home Kazu very carefully hugged one of the wooden horses that he had liked and played with, mostly on the side because he hadn’t understood the big scheme of Satoshi with his grandfather but he had fun. At home he very carefully but it on the small children’s desk in his room, smiling happily as he looked around. On the bed rested Momo his ever first gift and on the shelf beside it was the toy car that Satoshi had given him when he had moved in here, now it was accompanied by the horse.


	9. Chapter 9

“Mama, papa wake up!” Satoshi shouted happily as he hopped into the bedroom of his parents. He jumped on the bed, hugging his parents giggling when Mamoru tickled him until he was out of breath. 

“What is it?” Mamoru asked feigning confusion at his excited very awake son. Satoshi pouted for a second but he couldn’t hold it up as he was just too excited. 

“First school day. I’m big now. I’m smart now,” he grinned, giggling happily. 

“Oh, so fast? Where has my little boy gone?” Mamoru teased, looking at the watch on his nightstand, seeing that it was way too early to even think about getting ready for school. 

“All grown up now,” Satoshi grinned. “I’m smart right? I can all hiragana already and I write my name really nicely in hiragana and kanji. Mama taught me. And I can count to a hundred and and and…”

“Hey calm down,” Mamoru said, holding his face in his hands. Satoshi blinked and took a big breath. He was always nervous that people would laugh at him. He wanted to be smart and good at things he did and make his parents proud of course. “You will do great. And you should remember that you go to school now to learn all those things, not that you have to know them already.”

Satoshi nodded, flinching when loud shouts sounded from Kazu’s room. He hid his face against his father’s chest who started to rock him and hug him close. “Is Kazu hurt?”

“Yes, but mama will make him better, I promise.”

Satoshi nodded as he gripped Mamoru’s shirt tighter. He still didn’t understand why Kazu cried out loud each morning and why he had all those bad dreams. But he hated them. It scared them, but not as much as when Kazu sat there rocking himself staring blankly in front. 

He could hear his mother singing to Kazu and then Kazu calmed down as he was carried to the bathroom. Soon after there was giggling and running feet downstairs. Satoshi relaxed in his father’s arms, looking up to him. 

“All okay, Satoshi?”

“Uhn,” he said rubbing his eyes. “Will you all come?”

“Of course. Or don’t you want us there?”

“I… I thought Kazu had to stay back?”

Mamoru smiled and shook his head. “It’ll be fine. I promise you.”

“Okay,” Satoshi said, now smiling a bit more brightly, especially when suddenly the door was thrown open and Kazu climbed on the bed hugging them around the neck. 

“Morning, sun up!” he sang happily.

“Yes, we can watch cherry blossoms,” Satoshi said with a grin, looking at his father, who nodded in agreement. He and Keiko had already planned a picnic with the family after the entrance ceremony.

—

Satoshi was happily hopping up and down beside his parents as they walked to the school. He was looking forward to meeting his friends from kindergarten again. His parents had pulled him out of kindergarten for the last three weeks because he and Kazu got along so well. It helped Kazu a lot to be able to play all day with his newly found brother. He was less nervous around them because Satoshi was so good at calming him down. 

It also helped that Satoshi had such an innocent way to explain things so that Kazu could understand. Satoshi had enjoyed his time at home a lot but he had also looked forward to this day a lot. His big sister went to school and she learnt a lot and she was the smartest girl he knew. He wanted to be as smart so that he would be able to teach Kazu everything. 

Kazu held Mamoru’s hand as he looked around, getting closer to Mamoru until the man picked him finally up and put him on his shoulders. 

Kazu shrieked softly but then held on to him and still looked around at the children all running towards the school they went. Mina had walked with them at the start but then met a few friends and ran with them to school, giggling and talking to the girls about today’s ceremony. Kazu had waved at her with a bright grin as the girl had waved at him. But now he was getting a bit scared with all the people around. 

But Mamoru was big and now he felt like the king of the world, riding on his shoulders. He put his head on Mamoru’s, giggling when the man tickled his legs.

“Papa fun!” he cried out. 

“That’s good,” he answered, holding his legs against his chest as he looked back down at Satoshi who was babbling along about how exciting it was going to be to meet his teacher the first time. 

“Mama I have all in my bag right? I put in the pens and books?”

“Yes, and your name tags,” she said softly. “And your lunch package.”

Satoshi nodded in agreement as he held her hand. “And you wait?”

“Yup, we will wait at the big gate after school,” she promised. 

“And you watch?”

“The whole ceremony. But you need to be silent when the older children sing the school song, right?”

“Yup! And no peeking at you or dozing off when it’s boring speeches.”

Keiko chuckled and nodded. “Yes, right. Listen to the chairman and the teachers.”

“Uhn! Mama, look at the gate!”

Keiko rolled her eyes good naturally at the excited boy brimming in excitement. She had always thought that Satoshi would cry and yell at having to go to school. They stopped and she knelt to be on his height while Mamoru lifted Kazu from his shoulders. She checked him over and made sure that everything was in order. 

“So my big boy, it’s time for you to cross it alone, right?”

“Uhn,” Satoshi said and ruffled Kazu’s hair as he sucked at his thumb looking at him with big eyes. “I’ll see you later, ne Kazu?”

“Yes. Mama, papa, right?”

“Yes you stay with us,” Mamoru said as he stroke his hair to bring it back to order. Keiko hugged Satoshi tightly as he waved at them and then ran through the gate to the school. She sighed as she stood and straightened out her formal dress. 

“He grew so fast,” she sniffled and Kazu hugged her around the leg. 

“Mama no sad.”

“Mama is not sad. I’m proud,” she said with a smile. 

“Mama tears!”

“Tears can be also happy. They don’t always mean that you are sad,” she said. 

Kazu nodded not understanding, but he smiled happily when both of them took one of his hands and led him inside the compound as well. They lifted him each few steps swinging him between them until he shrieked with laughter. He giggled as he looked up when the bell rang loud and clear and all students walked into a big gym hall one after the other. His parents led him there and he was allowed to sit on Keiko’s lap, who produced a small picture book out of her bag. 

Kazu made big eyes as he was sure that his mother could do magic, how else could she always produce the things from her bag that he wanted, he made a small noise when she even produced a juice pack and sucked it happily throughout the middle of the speeches of boring old men. 

—

“Mama, I’m bored,” Kazu said in a not too silent whisper, even if he really tried. 

There were chuckles of the mothers around them and Keiko smiled softly as she rubbed his cheeks before he could realise that all eyes were on him. He rocked a bit on the chair the woman had put him on. 

Mamoru smiled as he picked him up and threw him into the air, catching the giggling boy. “Let’s go outside then,” he said so that the women could focus on the points the headteacher was telling them about the upcoming term. 

“Okay, papa, swing?”

“Do you think you can hold tightly on it? It’s one for big children,” Mamoru said as he carried him out. 

Kazu nodded with a serious look on his face. “But no high!”

“I promise but, don’t shout here. There are children studying,” Mamoru explained and the boy giggled as he nodded. They went out and Kazu ran to the swing set on one side of the whole complex to climb on it with difficulty. He almost fell on the other side but Mamoru was there to lift him and put him in the right way. 

Keiko came out of the building just before the bell would ring signalling the end of Satoshi’s first day at school. She herded the other two outside of the gate to wait there for Satoshi as promised and the boy laughed happily when he saw them there. 

He jumped into Mamoru’s arms who hugged him tightly and turned them both around a few times before putting him down. “How was it?”

“Good! Sensei is very nice. We painted with watercolours,” he said. “Then we wrote our names on the pictures and hang them on the wall and we got our books and where to put them. I don’t have to bring them home each day. It’s great!” 

“That’s nice,” Mamoru agreed, putting him down as he went to hug his mother before taking Kazu’s hand in his own. 

“Were you bored?”

Kazu shook his head. “I swing. Book!” he explained with happy eyes skipping along with Satoshi as they left the school to go to the park. 

“Oh sounds cool. We can play in the park and watch cherry blossoms. You’ll like them,” Satoshi promised. 

Kazu nodded happily as they entered the park and their parents looked for a spot for their picnic while Kazu and Satoshi ran in circles around the spot playing catch until they collapsed hungrily and exhaustedly on the blanket. Kazu put his head on Keiko’s lap looking up at her after they had their lunch. “Sleepy Kazu?”

“Kazu sleepy-bye,” he agreed. 

She chuckled as Mamoru grinned and handed over a blanket for her to cover Kazu for his midday nap and then left with Satoshi to head for the playground so that he wouldn’t be bored.


	10. Chapter 10

“I’m off, mama, Kazu,” Satoshi yelled as he waved to the two of them. Keiko chuckled as she told him to take care and held Kazu on her arms as the boy waved at his brother. The door closed soon enough and Mamoru appeared at the entryway. He kissed them both before saying goodbye to them to start his day. Kazu already knew that Mamoru would leave every morning after Mina and now even Satoshi had gone before him.

“Mama go?” he asked his mother, looking up to her, before struggling to get out of her arms when he realised he was still wearing pyjamas. “Mama go!” he cried louder. 

Keiko held him as she carried him into the living room, holding him in a way that he wouldn’t fall. When they finally reached the living room and Keiko sat down with him on his lap, Kazu was breathing harshly from his struggle and his cheeks were red. Keiko rocked him for a moment until he was not glaring at her anymore. 

“Kazu, listen to me,” she says as she cupped his face in her hands. “Satoshi s at school now, like Mina. You know that Mina only comes home in the afternoon right?”

“Uhn, Mi-nee big,” Kazu agreed very slowly and still slurring his words. He was getting frustrated as he realised that he had problems pronouncing them right. Keiko rubbed the tender spot under his eye to keep his focus on her and not concentrate on his body. 

“Very good,” she praised as she moved Kazu in her arms so that one hand was still holding his face while the other was around his body so that he could lean against her chest and sit sideways on her lap. Kazu curled up on her lap, still frowning as his hands were balled to fists on his sides. 

“Sato play.”

“From today on Satoshi goes to school as well, Kazu, my sweet child. That means that he won’t be home with you in the morning to play. He will come back when Mina comes back as well.”

Kazu stared up at her, his eyes glistening with tears as he slowly understood that Satoshi was not home right now. “Kazu school?”

She smiled as she shook her head. “Not yet, you are still too young to go to school. But we will have fun together, right? We can play and go out to the playground,” she said.

“No Sato?”

Keiko nodded in agreement sighing when his face scrunched up again and she hugged him close as his fists pressed against her chest as to get away from her. “Hate school!” he cried out loud. 

Keiko rocked him until he fell asleep in her arms out of exhaustion and rubbed her eyes as she put him down on the sofa. She put a blanket over him and ruffled his hair with her fingertips. Keiko knew that changes were horrible for Kazu so she almost had thought that something like that would happen. The question always was how bad the reactions would be. 

—

A few days later Kazu held Keiko’s hand as first Mina, then Satoshi and at last Mamoru told them goodbye. Kazu giggled when each of them kissed his cheek once before leaving fast. 

“What do we want to do today?” Keiko asked him with a smile as he skipped to the living room in front of her. 

“Car?” he asked waving his favourite toy car in the air making sounds at the back of his throat giggling as he jumped to his feet and ran around the room with the car in his hands. “Mama, two,” he demanded pointing at the other cars still on the floor. 

“Mama, car fly,” he laughed when Keiko rolled her eyes but started to play with him as Kazu asked her to. She laughed as she agreed. 

“It seems like that. But how will they come down?”

Kazu frowned as he let the car fall, giggling. “Car fall.”

“And the people inside?”

“Trampoline, mama. Bounce,” he explained as he sat down on the floor moving the car on the floor for a bit. “Car drive two.”

“Oh what a smart car,” Keiko chuckled as she got up to roll out a carpet that looked like a village. There were bushes, houses, streets and Kazu made big eyes. 

“Mama fire!” he cried out happily pointing at the fireman station. “Nee-nah nee-nah(*),” he sang as he stood to look for the firemen car that Satoshi owned. Keiko smiled as she realised that she was completely forgotten as Kazu started to play out on the carpet and made up fires to put out and cats to rescue. 

She stood with a sigh, to prepare a snack for the boy in the kitchen and start on lunch for them so that she wouldn’t have to do that when Kazu wanted her attention. After lunch, they curled up in Kazu’s room so that she could read him a story while he fell to sleep for his nap. 

“Mama?” Kazu asked after she woke him up and he cleaned up the cars together with the woman because he wanted to go out into the garden now. 

“Yes, sweetie?”

“Sato soon?”

“Satoshi will come back soon, you’re right,” she agreed with a smile. Satoshi normally came home shortly after Kazu’s nap had ended and the boy already got used to playing alone or with Keiko in the mornings.

Kazu hummed happily as he threw the last car into the box, before jumping to his feet and running to the big glass door leading to their garden. “Mama out!”

“Yes, yes. I’m not as fast as you,” she said with a frown. 

“Mama old?”

Keiko snorted as she opened the door to him. 

“Not grampa and momma?”

“No, I’m not as old as your grandparents,” she agreed with a smile. “But older than you.”

Kazu nodded with a frown tugging at her hand. “Mama play ball?”

“We can play ball until Satoshi comes.”

“Sato home,” Kazu agreed happily as he ran out to get his favourite ball. It was not as big as the soccer ball Satoshi and Mina played with and not as small as the tennis balls they had. He could catch them with two hands if it was thrown carefully and could throw it himself. 

Keiko bit her cheek when Kazu slipped and fell on the way back, kneeling on the floor. “Oops Kazu, get up again, ne?”

“Up!” Kazu agreed as he carefully stood up again, with a huff. He frowned as he saw that his hands were dirty and then rubbed the spots on his knees that were also slightly green. “No hurt!” he declared as he showed her his hands - the ball had fallen and rolled away when he fell - to show that there was no blood. 

“That’s good ne?” she said and he nodded with a grin. 

“Tumble down,” he explained as he ran to the veranda to climb up the wooden steps, holding out his hands. “Wash?”

“We can play first and then wash up afterwards. You will get them dirty anyway,” she explained. “If there is no blood we don’t need to clean them up just yet.

Kazu stared at his hands again, rubbing away the dirt still clinging to his palms, before clapping them with a grin as he saw there really was no blood. He jumped down from the step again, running off to finally get the ball before throwing it to Keiko who had to get quite a few steps closer to even attempt to catch it before it fell to the ground again. 

Kazu grinned as they threw the ball for a while until Kazu decided that kicking it was more fun and spend a lot of time running behind the ball until he was tired almost one and a half hours later. “Sato home?”

“Almost,” Keiko said with a laugh as she checked her watch. “Mina as well.”

“Kazu in. Wash, thirst,” Kazu explained as he put the ball down that he had been about to carry to Keiko. 

“Then we should do that. Take off your shoes before running in,” she reminded him as Kazu ran up the steps again, pushing the door open to get inside. 

“Ah,” Kazu made as he sat down and pulled off his shoes, he threw them to the floor, before looking up sheepishly when Keiko called him back. “Care,” he mumbled as he put the shoes down by the door more carefully and orderly before he was up again, running to the bathroom with Keiko following. He dragged his step to the sink to wash his hands and shrieked when he accidentally opened the tap too far.

“Kazu what happened?” Keiko asked as she went to the bathroom to check on the boy. 

“All wet! Me sorry,” he cried.

“It’s okay,” she whispered as she caressed his hair. “Everything is fine. We can clean it up, okay?”

“No mad. No hurt. Please. Kazu good,” he whined rocking himself as he stared at his wet sleeves and the muddy streaks on the white sink and even the mirror. 

“Shh… I’m not mad, my sweet child. Everything is okay. Nobody is going to hurt you,” she whispered as she pressed her lips against the crown of his head. She rubbed his dirty cheeks when the sobs had calmed down. He sniffled, rubbing his face with his dirty hands as he stared up at her. 

Keiko smiled fondly as she rubbed his cheek lovingly. The reactions of her sweet child were often not predictable for any of them but at least Kazu was able to calm down faster now. She tickled him slightly so that he would giggle and bopped his nose. “Up with your arms. We will need to change your shirt,” she said in a light voice. 

He giggled when she tickled him under the arms until he lifted them and then pulled off the shirt in one swift motion. Then she helped Kazu to clean his face and his hands, before filling a cup with water so that he could rinse off the dirty streaks on the sink as she cleaned the mirror and dried the floor. 

“See all like it was before, right?”

“Yes,” he said, relief clear in his voice as Keiko helped him with putting on a new shirt. 

“Let’s go to the kitchen so that you can drink something and I will prepare some fruits for you to eat,” she said as she led him down. 

Kazu sat on a normal chair with a cup of water in both hands as he took big gulps of water. When the door opened though he put the cup down, grinning happily when he heard Satoshi calling out that he was back. He jumped from his chair to run over to his brother and greet him with a hug. “Welcome back!” he cried pressing his lips against Satoshi’s cheeks as the older boy chuckled. “Mama fruit.”

“Oh, mama made us snacks? Then we should hurry,” Satoshi agreed, leading him back to the kitchen to greet his mother. He snatched one of the apple slices from Kazu’s plate to put in his mouth as he watched Kazu eat his afternoon snack - of course while sharing with his big brother. They shared the two cookies on the plate as well, before Satoshi explained that he had to do homework. Kazu pouted but he had already understood that this was a daily thing now and settled down across from Satoshi on his high chair to draw some pictures while Keiko was helping Satoshi with his writings before they were allowed to go play in their rooms while Keiko made dinner. 

A/N: (*)I have no idea about how the onomatopoetic for the noise made by a fire engine or police car is in another language. I found this when I looked it up online. So I hope it’s okay


	11. Chapter 11

Keiko groaned as the bed under them shifted and she sat up while rubbing her eyes. She blinked when she saw her son sitting on the side of their bed, looking at her with wide eyes. 

“Satoshi, did you have a bad dream?” she asked and he shook his head. 

“No, mama. But today is special, right?” he asked brimming in excitement as he moved up and down on the bed, waking Mamoru that way. 

Keiko frowned a bit at his words and thought about what Satoshi meant before she smiled and nodded. 

“Ah, yes,” she chuckled when Satoshi’s grin got even wider. “Kazu’s first birthday here,” she agreed with a small smile as she looked at her happy boy. 

“Can we wake him up? I woke up early to be able to do so! Because Kazu always wakes up so early. It’s easier with Nee-chan,” he said with a pout. 

Keiko chuckled as she thought it over. Kazunari had gotten much more comfortable around them and especially with Satoshi he was very reliant, but he got spooked easily if he was tired.

Satoshi’s face fell slightly as he realised her hesitation. “You don’t like that idea, mama?”

“I love that idea, Satoshi,” she whispered. “Waking him with a cake, as we do for you would be nice ne? But Kazu might be scared if we surprise him. You know that he has bad dreams, right?”

“Yes, but he doesn’t shout that much anymore.”

Keiko’s lips twitched slightly as she nodded. When Kazu had bad dreams he would still wake up and cry but now he would climb out of bed and wake her or Mamoru on his own and they would snuggle up or clean him whatever was needed. 

“True, but he might be ashamed,” she said with a sigh.

“Because he wets the bed?”

Keiko nodded and smoothed down his wrinkled forehead. “Yes, my darling. So how we make it a bit differently today? You go and wake up your sister together with your papa and then prepare the breakfast downstairs? You can decorate the table a bit and place the cake there. I will go and wake Kazu and tell him that there is a surprise waiting for him, but not what it is?”

Satoshi still pouted but then he nodded as he pressed his lips to her cheeks and then dragged his father with him out of the room and into Mina’s room to wake her up and force her downstairs.

Keiko smiled as she stood and looked after her youngest son. Kazu was frowning in his sleep his brows furrowed and his small mouth pursed. She could already tell that he was about to wake up and was dreaming right now. She sat down beside him and caressed his cheek. 

He murmured in his sleep his fingers closing around an ear of his bunny as he dragged it closer to his mouth and moved his lips against his, making small sounds. She smiled sadly when she could feel the wetness on his cheeks. 

“Kazu wakey-wakey. The sun woke up. Time to begin a new day,” she hummed, stroking his side and arm until he woke up. He blinked up to him with sleepy eyes and soon enough a small smile appeared on his face. 

“Mama,” he whispered and held out his hands. She smiled as she hugged him and rocked him in her arms. “No oopsies,” he mumbled but was wriggling around in her lap. 

“But you need to go to the toilet now, huh?” she said as she bopped his nose. 

He nodded and hid his face against her shoulder. She didn’t say anything and carried him over to the toilet so that he felt more comfortable. Then they went to the bathroom to wash his face and get ready to start the day. 

“Mama, Sato, papa, Mi-nee wake?”

“Oh, they are already up, my sweet child. They are waiting downstairs with a big surprise for you.”

Kazu’s eyes widened as he moved his fingers uncomfortably. He wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. He stared at Keiko who looked back very calmly and he knew that nothing bad would happen to him if she was there. They had promised him after all. 

“Okay?”

“Shall we go downstairs and look at what it is?”

“Arm,” Kazu said but nodded. 

Keiko chuckled as she picked him up and kissed his temple. “Of course. Then let’s go to the kitchen. We have fresh melon and strawberries for breakfast.”

“Melon good,” Kazu agreed with bright eyes.

He put his arms around her neck as she carried him to the kitchen and hid his face halfway at his shoulder while peeking at the same time to see what the surprise would be.

His eyes widened when he saw the nicely set table. “Cake!” he cried out as he saw the cake in front of his seat, clapping his hands. 

Keiko giggled at his cry of joy and carried him over to her grinning family. Mamoru lit the candles on top of the cake before they all sang happy birthday for him. Kazu clapped his hands as he sang some words with them. He knew that song from his short time at the orphanage. He didn’t know exactly what it meant, but it included cake, which was good.

“Now you blow at the candles,” Keiko explained as she held him closer with one arm while holding his hands with the hand of his other arm so that he wouldn’t try to touch them. 

Kazu pursed his lips as he made blowing noises, frowning hard as he concentrated on trying to blow out the candles. He was so concentrated that he didn’t realise that Mamoru was helping him doing so. 

A cheer went up around him and he giggled with them as they were all out now and Keiko put him in his chair. 

“Congratulations, my sweet child. You are growing bigger already, with four years,” she said and Kazu held up his hand. 

“How many?”

Keiko grinned as she moved his thumb down. “That many. We’ll count together, okay?”

Kazu nodded making a fist with his mother and then holding up one finger after the other while counting to four. He brimmed proudly as he managed to do so and turned around to show Satoshi. “Sato, I four! This many!” he cried out happily. 

Satoshi giggled as he hugged his little brother and kissed his cheek. “Happy birthday!” he cried and Kazu nodded, his eyes wandering back to his cake. 

It was made from chocolate cream and he loved that very much.

“So who wants cake?” Mamoru asked with a grin and Kazu put up both hands into the air. 

“Kazu!” he yelled, his eyes sparkling as he got half a slice of the cake. 

“More is for the afternoon,” Mamoru promised and Kazu nodded. 

He ate the cake, giggling when Satoshi did so as well beside him. Satoshi jumped up when he was finished and ran to the living room, before coming back, his hands full of paper poppies. 

“Poppy!” Kazu said as he held out his hands for his mother who cleaned them and his face from the chocolate cream and offered him the spoon with his medicine. He opened his mouth but his eyes were on the poppies in Satoshi’s hands.

Keiko rolled her eyes but managed to put the spoon in Kazu’s mouth who took the medicine and then held out his hands for the poppies.

“I made them,” Satoshi said. “As a present, because you like them. Mama said we can put them in a vase, ne?” he said before blushing slightly as he realised that he had hindered his mother earlier.

“Yes, that’s right,” Keiko said and ruffled his hair with a smile. Satoshi grinned when he realised that it was okay and sat back on his chair. 

“But after breakfast. Kazu you need to eat more than the cake, what do you want?” she asked as she put the flowers to the side and Kazu looked at the table, pointing at the crunchy oatmeal.

“With yoghurt and fruits?” Mamoru asked as he poured some in his bowl.

“Please,” Kazu agreed with a smile moving his legs up and down, giggling when Mina tickled his socked foot that was swinging beside her. 

After breakfast, Satoshi led him to the living room where a small stack of presents was waiting for him. Kazu’s eyes widened as he was told that they were all his and his fingers shook slightly as he reached for the first parcel, ripping off the paper.

He looked at his new toys jumping to his feet and thanking them all while hugging them around the neck before plopping down beside his new truck, making noises as he moved it until it touched a horse and he took that to move it around. 

Satoshi giggled as he watched him and then took the other horse when Kazu demanded him and Mina to play with him while their parents went and cleaned up the kitchen and prepare for the afternoon when the grandparents would come over.


	12. Chapter 12

“No! Kazu alone!” Kazu cried out as he ran to the other side of the garden, away from the rest of the kids that had come in the afternoon to celebrate the birthday and just spend the day together. 

They had been playing all day mostly outside with much running around and loud laughter as they had played either together or two on two. 

The adults were watching them while talking together, and Mamoru had started a barbecue for their dinner. He looked up in worry at the cry of his son, but it seemed as if he was happy enough to stare at the flowers at the end he was now stranded alone.

Kazu hugged his knees as he rocked forwards and backwards mumbling to himself lowly. Satoshi and Mina looked at him just a second, but they were already used to Kazu running off while declaring he needed alone time for a while when they usually played. 

“NOOO!” Kazu cried out suddenly again as he jumped up and ran inside. There was a banging of doors and crying, and Mamoru looked up from the barbecue back with worry. 

Kazu was nowhere to be seen, and Rin was on the floor cackling. Satoshi was looking put out by his behaviour with Mina held his hand before his son could stomp over and hit Rin. 

“I’m sorry, I need to check on Kazu,” Keiko said as she got to her feet, smiling softly at his sister, who was frowning. Mamoru rolled his eyes as she muttered about the ill-behaviour of their adopted son and that she had known nothing good could have come out of the adoption. 

Luckily his parents were already in love with their little bonus grandchild and argued with them. He just hoped that Keiko didn’t hear that. 

“Satoshi do you want to help me?” he called Satoshi who was still looking quite grumpy. 

Satoshi perked up slightly as he rushed over and Mamoru picked him up as he let him check on the meat. 

“Papa?” Satoshi whispered to him and looked at him with big eyes. 

“Yes?”

“Is Kazu okay?”

“Yes, he is just a bit tired,” Mamoru said with a smile. “We skipped his afternoon nap.”

“Uhn,” Satoshi said with a frown. “Rin is a meanie!”

“Why that?”

“Because he didn’t leave him alone when he asked.”

“But that doesn’t mean someone is mean,” Mamoru explained. “Look you and Mina know already that he tells us when he needs to be alone. But others think he would be lonely,” he said. 

“But he shoved his shoulder!”

Mamoru sighed and then nodded. “True that is not nice. But I’m sure he didn’t mean it in a bad way.”

Satoshi didn’t look as if his words convinced him, but he let it rest. 

“I don’t want to have carrots,” he mumbled when he saw the mixed vegetables on the side, ready to be put on the grill.

“You can leave them. But we like carrots. Do you want to have sausages?”

“Yes, please. Can I have shrimps?”

“We can share a small serving,” Mamoru agreed with a small smile. “And I make hamburgers for you.”

“Kazu likes hamburgers!” Satoshi said happily.

“Yup. That’s why we make them.”

“May I help?”

“It’s hot, so be careful.” 

Satoshi nodded as he held one arm around Mamoru’s neck as he was allowed to stir the vegetables with the long thongs. 

—

Keiko found Kazu in the corner of the living room right between the wall and the sofa. His hands were over his ears as he was rocking back and forth even faster. She carefully knelt in front of him and waited until he looked up.

“Mama!” he cried out and plunged himself into her arms. She put her arms around him, closing her eyes as she rocked him in his arms until he calmed down a little bit. 

Kazu sniffled, his face pressed against her chest. 

“Little one, when you play  
Pay no heed what they say  
Let your eyes sparkle and shine  
Never a tear, baby of mine,” she sang until he calmed down enough that he dropped against her body, his eyes closing and he sighed softly. 

“My sweet child, today is a lot ne?” she whispered as she cleaned his face. “Do you want to stay inside? Or do you want to come back out with me?”

“No play,” Kazu whined. “All loud. No like.”

He pressed against his mother, who started to rock him again in her arms. 

“That is fine, Kazu. We’ll do whatever you want. Shall we get ready for dinner?”

“Mama cook?”

“No, papa prepared a barbecue. You never had one, right?”

Kazu shook his head with a frown on his face. “Papa cook?”

“Yup, he’s making your favourite hamburgers right now and grilled vegetables.”

“Hamburgers?” Kazu asked with a hopeful look. He relaxed more against Keiko, his eyes drooping a little as his thumb wandered into his mouth. 

“Yes, so do you want to eat them with us?”

“Yes, please,” Kazu asked as he looked up at her. She smiled and kissed his forehead. 

“Then we shall clean up your face, right?”

Kazu nodded as Keiko carried him around. He felt much more comfortable in her arms right now. 

“Kazu bad?” he asked when Keiko changed his clothes so that he could also sleep in them if he fell to sleep after dinner since he didn’t want to play with the others again.

“No, why do you think so?”

“Push Rin,” he said with pursed unhappy lips. 

“That was not nice, right. But that doesn’t mean you are bad, Kazu. You told them you want to play alone.

“Kazu did. Head funny,” he said with a frown. 

“But Kazu still needs to apologise okay? Tell Rin you didn’t want to hurt him?”

“Okay,” Kazu whispered as he hid his face. 

“Hey, Kazu?”

“Yes, mama?”

“Do you still remember how old you are today?” she asked with a smile. 

Kazu frowned at the sudden question, his mind focusing on that though. He grinned toothily then and held up four fingers. “That many.”

He sat back in her arms to look at his fingers and counted each one until he declared a loud four. “Kazu big, right?”

“Kazu is very big now,” Keiko agreed. 

“Kazu same Sato.”

Keiko chuckled as she shook her head. “No, sorry, my sweet child. Satoshi is already six.”

“How much?” he asked with a frown, and she put him on the counter in the bathroom to count six fingers for him. Kazu made big eyes. He would need more then to be the same as his brother. 

Keiko picked him up as Kazu still wondered if he would ever be as old as Satoshi and brought him to the kitchen. 

“Kazu medi?”

“It would probably be better for your head,” she agreed as she fed him a spoonful of his medicine. They mostly were down to one spoonful a day, but the doctors had told her that on days like these, a second dose might be needed for him to be able to sleep during the night. 

“Do you want to have juice along with your dinner?”

“Apple,” he agreed hopefully.

“Alright. You need to help me carry this outside,” she said as she pulled out some glasses and the juice box. Kazu hugged two juice boxes close to him. He followed Keiko outside, hiding partly behind her as they were out. He saw Satoshi with their father and Mina playing with the other girls.

“Kazu, are you alright?” his grandmother asked, and he smiled shyly as he nodded. 

“Kazu okay,” he said as he handed the juice boxes over to his mother who put them on the table. He climbed on her lap as she got told by his grandmother to sit because he was clinging to her leg. 

“But you are the guests,” she said as Kazu snuggled on top of her and watched his grandmothers almost fighting over who would set the table. 

“Yes, but the birthday boy wants his mama, right dearie?”

Kazu nodded with a small yawn, ignoring his aunt, who clicked his tongue. 

His grandfather got up when he saw that and ruffled his hair, before sauntering over to Satoshi and Mamoru. He took Satoshi over from his father and talked to the man for a moment, before bringing Satoshi over with a smile. Satoshi sat down beside his mother and held Kazu’s hand as he held out his hand for him. 

“Papa says our food is almost ready,” Satoshi said. 

“You should wait until everybody can eat,” his aunt scolded, and he shrank slightly while Satoshi looked a bit unhappy. 

“Papa said that kids could eat first because hamburgers and veggies are finished already. Meat takes long!”

“Satoshi is right,” his uncle said with a sigh. “When the others were Kazu’s age we let them eat earlier as well,” he sighed. His aunt huffed but then agreed with her husband. 

Kazu snuggled closer to Keiko who still rocked him to keep him calm. 

“Grampa thank,” Kazu said, perking up slightly as the old man put a perfectly cooked hamburger in front of him. Keiko held the plate for him as he held the burger in his hands and ate it in huge, hungry bites. 

“Yummy, Kazu?”

“Yes!” he said happily, grinning down at Satoshi, who was eating his vegetables with his fingers instead of his chopsticks. He giggled as he did the same with the ones on his plate. 

“Papa good!” he cried out when his father came over with a bigger plate of different kinds of meat and calling the others over. 

“I’m glad,” Mamoru chuckled, and Kazu fidgeted when Rin came over to the table and sat beside his mother. 

Keiko squeezed him fondly, and he looked up at the other boy. He nibbled on his lower lip.

“Kazu sorry,” he said with down warded eyes. Keiko smiled and nodded when the other boy shrugged and said that it was okay. 

“You did good,” she whispered to Kazu, who smiled proudly at the praise. 

“Do you want more food?” Satoshi asked. Kazu shook his head and took his cup with juice with both hands to drink from it. 

“I’m going to move you Kazu,” Keiko warned the boy as she moved him sideways on her lap. Kazu wriggled his feet, giggling when Ohno pinched his naked wriggling toe, and he laid his head on Keiko’s shoulder, making himself small enough for her to be able to eat over his head. Kazu wriggled only once to put the cup back on the table before rolling up on her lap and sucking at his thumb as his eyes slowly fell close. He startled a few times because of laughter, blinking his eyes open. Still, in the end, he fell truly to sleep in Keiko’s arms, who hugged him close and motioned for Mamoru to pass over a blanket for her to put around him so that he could stay with them outside until their families left them for the night. 

Keiko put Kazu directly into their bed with Mamoru since she was sure that Kazu would wake up during the night and she didn’t want him to be alone, while Mamoru put Mina and Satoshi to bed that night.


	13. Chapter 13

“Kazu,” Keiko called and smiled when the boy yelled back that he needed to rescue the princess. She rolled her eyes as she walked to the living room where Kazu was on the floor, making sounds while moving around the dolls, giggling loudly. 

“Is the princess, alright?”

“Yes, mama. Rescued princess, now tea with dragon, prince too,” he giggled as he jumped to his feet and ran over to her, hugging her leg. 

“My brave little hero.”

“We strong!” he said with laughter as he still peered up to her with bright eyes. 

“You are very strong,” she agreed with a fond smile, meaning it in more than just one way. “We need to go out for some groceries. Papa forgot things we wanted to eat for dinner.”

Kazu’s face crumbled slightly. He didn’t like the shops. They were always full, and people didn’t see him and ran into him. It was so loud as well, and all that bright light hurt his eyes. 

“Don’t wanna.”

“I know, sweetheart. But if we don’t go, we can’t eat tonight,” Keiko said softly. “We will be quick, I promise.”

“Don’t like,” he whined hopping from one foot to the other as his fingers clenched and unclenched around the cloth of her dress.

“While we are out, we can also go to the playground. Does that sound fun?”

Kazu looked up with big eyes, and then he nodded softly. “Climb?”

“Yes, we can go to the one with the big climbing frame. And the fun round swing that you like.”

“Wanna go!” he cheered. “Sand toys?”

“Yes, we can bring some toys. But first groceries,” she reminded him. Kazu’s face fell slightly, but then he squared his little shoulders and nodded. 

“With mama, close.”

“Of course, I will stay close-by. You never have to go alone,” she said with a chuckle.

“Okay,” Kazu said and then turned around on his heels to run up the stairs and to his room. “Mama, come!” he yelled.

Keiko rolled her eyes and followed the little boy to his room, where he was pulling out clothes from his cupboard. 

“Help?”

“Do you want to change your clothes?”

Kazu nodded as he sat on the floor to kick off his jogging trousers and held up his shorts. It was sunny outside, and he didn’t like his jogging trousers to get the sand in the folds of his favourite pants for home. 

He grumbled as he tried to close the button and got up to walk over to her as he realised that his fingers were just uncooperative there. He always got frustrated by those evil buttons but still wanted to try to do it on his own. Keiko helped him and pulled out a sweater for him to wear if it got cold.

“Ready to go?”

He nodded as he grabbed his small backpack to push in Momo and choose two toys for the playground to carry with him. “Mama, water?” he asked as they walked down again, holding his bag open. The woman chuckled as she put his water bottle inside and he put it on the floor kneeling in front of the bag to pull the zipper close. 

—

Kazu held tightly to the dress of his mother as they went to the supermarket to buy some meat and vegetables. He was nervous and always pressed even closer when strangers came up to them to tell his mother how cute and sweet he was. 

He grimaced softly when an elderly lady rubbed his cheek after he had politely greeted her, and hid behind his mother’s legs, who picked him up quickly. 

“He doesn’t like to be touched without being asked,” Keiko said as he pressed his face against her neck. The woman clicked her tongue slightly. 

“He has no manners it seems,” she said. “You need to teach him better,” she scolded. 

He peered up at the women and held her more tightly. 

“I don’t think you like to be touched without being asked,” his mother said instead and then rubbed his hair and brought him to the cash register. 

“Me is sorry,” Kazu said when he was sure the woman was gone. Keiko shook her head and put a stray strand of hair out from his forehead.

“Never be because you don’t want to touch or be touched without permission, sweetheart. You can decide,” she mumbled as she greeted the woman behind the register. Kazu hid his face again at her shoulder and hugged her around the neck. He listened to his mother talk to the woman and then waved goodbye at her when Keiko carried him out. He wriggled as they were out until Keiko put him on the sidewalk so that he could walk a few steps in front of her into the direction of the playground. 

Keiko smiled in relief as she saw that the boy was already laughing again and greeted the people they came across. Luckily nobody came too close this time, which relaxed Kazu a lot. They had tried to explain to him that he didn’t need to greet everybody, but it had been written in a book about a polite little mole that Kazu was enamoured with.

They needed to read it almost every day, and Kazu had taken from it that greeting was polite but that he didn’t need to hug or give hands to all people if he didn’t want to. 

They arrived at the playground soon after and Kazu pushed the small gate open with some difficulties. He waited until Keiko entered as well to close it again, grinning up to her. 

“All safe for little ones,” he declared. 

She chuckled as she ruffled his hair and nodded. “Yes, very good,” she agreed. He cheered and then took off to the sandpit first to play with his toys while Keiko sat close by, guarding the things that Kazu brought her.

—

Kazu was happy enough to play on his own in the sandpit for most of the time. 

After a while, he got to his feet and brought his toys back and climbed on the bench beside Keiko to drink his water. “Are you already tired, Kazu?” she asked softly. 

Kazu shook his head as he drank the water in big gulps before putting the flask away, breathing heavily. He put the bottle away again with a happy smile, his eyes wandering over the playground as he moved his legs up and down. 

“Kazu climb,” he said then as he hopped off the bench. 

“Do you want help?”

Kazu shook his head as he wandered over. “I big!” 

Keiko giggled softly as she watched him walk to the climbing frame, watching the other children play together a bit shyly, but then his eyes were back on the structure, and she sighed softly as he climbed the first steps. 

Keiko tried to bring him here as often as possible to get him used to other children and prepare him at least a bit for kindergarten. Still, the boy preferred to be with his siblings, which she understood, but neither Satoshi nor Mina would be there. 

Nino climbed the frame as high as he felt comfortable and then looked back to his mother, who observed him. He held tightly to the post as he called her finally to help. 

“Mama help,” he asked with big eyes. 

“You already got so high,” she praised him, and he grinned happily. 

“Down now. Down scary,” he said as he peered down to the floor under the frame. He moved a bit restlessly until his mother held him around his armpits to pick him up and put him to the floor. 

Kazu tugged at her hand and smiled. “Thank you. Swing?”

“Okay. A bit, but we have to go home soon,” she reminded him. “Lunchtime is very soon.” Kazu nodded in understanding as he led Keiko to the big swing. He climbed up and moved his legs as he had seen his brother do. 

Satoshi could swing on his own, and he still needed to be pushed by his parents. He cheered when Keiko did so and asked her to get higher and higher!

Then he looked up and grinned at Keiko. “Mama two.”

“Me?” she asked, and he wriggled on the seat a bit more. He moved his legs and whined softly. 

“Mama stop!” he cried, when the swing got slower, he jumped from the swing and tugged at her hands. “Mama swing. Kazu push,” he cheered.

“I’m too big for the swing, Kazu,” she said with a chuckle. He stomped on the floor and shook his head. 

“Swing fun! Mama two.”

He ran around her and pushed her slightly until his mother agreed finally. She sat on the swing and moved her legs on the floor as Kazu giggled behind her and pushed her. 

“Fun, mama?”

“Very,” Keiko agreed with a chuckle smiling when Kazu cheered as he pushed her again. He giggled as Keiko turned a bit and caught her little boy around the waist. 

“Mama!” he shrieked when she picked him up and put him on his lap. She blew a raspberry on his cheek, enjoying the giggling of Kazu. 

“We can do it together,” she said as she held him close and carefully moved them on the swing. Kazu’s laughter was contagious, and they stayed there until Kazu started to feel restless again. He wriggled in her arms and started to rock himself, signalling Keiko that it was time to go home and for Kazu to take his nap. 

“Kazu shall we go home?” she asked, and he sniffled slightly.

“No! Play,” Kazu said as he was put on the floor again he ran from her to the slide and climbed the first steps before his grip loosened on the step, and he fell. He sniffled and started to cry as he ran to his mother. Keiko picked him up, rocking him slightly. 

“We are going home, sweetheart. You are getting grumpy and should take your nap.”

“Kazu no baby,” the boy cried out, thrashing in her arms. Then he could hear some laughter and got silent. His eyes got teary as he hid his face at Keiko’s shoulder. 

“Kazu?”

Kazu shook his head sniffling. “Home!” he cried on her shoulder. Keiko frowned as she picked up their things and finally carried Kazu the short walk home, rocking her crying boy in her arms even if she didn’t know what exactly had happened.

At home, the crying had subdued to small sniffles, and Keiko put him on the sofa with a blanket on top to let him catch up on his sleep.

—

Kazu woke to the sound of their bell and sat up. He rubbed his face as Keiko walked to the door to check on who was on the other side. He hugged Momo close to himself, whispering to the bunny about his dreams.

“Kazu come here for a second,” his mother called suddenly, and he slipped off the sofa. He walked over to his mother, hugging the toy close to himself as he curiously peered outside. 

His eyes widened as he recognised the boy who had laughed at him, and he pressed against his mother’s side. 

The boy at the other side was stepping from foot to foot nervously, looking up at a woman, who was probably his grandmother. The woman nodded encouragingly at the boy pushing him to the front a bit, and he bowed down in front of Kazu.

Kazu’s eyes widened as he stepped back a little. His eyes wandered to his mother, questioningly. 

“I’m sorry for upsetting you,” the boy said with a slight lisp as he looked up again. He was slightly distressed, looking as he hid again halfway, feeling shy and embarrassed.

“You laugh,” Kazu said carefully. “I fall. Fall owie.”

The other shook his head with shocked eyes, jumping out from his hiding place to come closer again. “I didn’t laugh at you!” he denied. “Momma says I’m too loud for my own good,” he said with a frown. “I didn’t laugh at you, really not. But I’m sorry, you felt so. I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“No laugh?” Kazu asked to make sure. There had been laughter, and when he had looked up, the boy had been looking at him. 

Again the other shook his head. “No, I told momma you pushed your mama. I wanted to push momma. I laughed because it looked fun.”

“Fun,” Kazu agreed, holding to his mother. “Kazu like swing.”

“Swings are fun,” the other agreed with a toothy grin. 

Kazu frowned at him for a moment before he held out his bunny. “That Momo, you?”

“Aiba Masaki!” the boy introduced himself. “That’s my momma,” he said, pointing at the woman. 

“Ohno Kazunari. Call Kazu. No like other,” Kazu introduced himself with some difficulty. “That mama, and Momo. Sato, Mi-nee, papa no here.”

Aiba nodded at his explanation, watching him with curious eyes. “And we brought cake as an apology,” he said and held out a box.

“Mama, cake,” Kazu said with big eyes. 

Keiko chuckled. “I hear. You didn’t have lunch though,” she reminded him. His face fell unhappily, and she chuckled. “Also, you need to tell Masaki-kun if you accept his apology.”

“Accept,” Kazu babbled, hopping up and down. “Cake?”

Keiko rolled her eyes but then nodded. “Should we invite Masaki-kun and his grandmother to share then?”

Kazu thought about it for a second and then nodded. “Masa swing?” he offered as he held out his hand for him to take. 

“Later, maybe Kazu. Masaki-kun and his grandmother have to go home probably. But you two can meet up on another day to play, right?” she asked the woman who chuckled but nodded. 

“But I think we have time for a slice of cake to celebrate them having made up,” the woman agreed as she entered the house after an apology for the disturbance. Keiko smiled as she shook her head and showed them the way to the kitchen.

Kazu and Masaki were talking in front of them. 

“You know he was all upset when he realised that your son was crying and told me he had to apologise for making him cry. I was worried we were disturbing you, but… How could I deny his wish?”

Keiko chuckled as she nodded in agreement. “I would’ve done the same,” she explained as she helped Kazu into his chair and set the table for their impromptu coffee time.


	14. Chapter 14

“Kazu, we should also get ready.”

“Ready?” Kazu asked as he looked at his mother from where they had said their good-byes to the rest of the family. 

Keiko chuckled as she picked him up and brought him into his room to help him wearing regular clothes.

“Mama grocery again?”

“No, sweetheart. From today on, you are a kindergarten student.”

“Like Sato?”

“A little bit,” Keiko agreed. “But there will be lots of other children, and you can play for the whole day. It will be fun.”

“With mama?”

“No, there will be teachers to spend time with you and teach you all the things that you want to know.”

Kazu pursed his lips in confusion but then nodded as she held his hand when they went to the entry again. He put on the coat and his shoes while his mother took a small backpack for him to bring with them. 

Kazu giggled as she held his hand and allowed him to skip beside her until they were at the building. He hid halfway behind his mother at the many children that he was not used to.

“Kazu, don’t be shy,” she chuckled softly as she put a hand on top of his hair and ruffled them softly, before pushing him to the front. 

Kazu nodded as he hesitantly walked to the building and held tightly to the skirt of his mother. Keiko sighed softly but walked him over the playground and into the building. 

Kazu watched his mother talking to a woman who smiled down at him. He hid again halfway but remembered to bop his head in greeting at least. His mother always was a little upset if he didn’t at least say hello and goodbye politely even if he didn’t have to get too close to strangers or even relatives if he didn’t want to. After a while, the women knelt in front of him.

“Hello, Kazu,” she said, still with a warm smile on her lips.

“Hello,” he said after glancing at his mother to make sure that this was okay. 

“I’m Hotaru-sensei, and very happy to have you in our sunflower group. You’ll see, we’ll have lots of fun together.”

Kazu nodded again a bit insecure and pressed closer to his mother. The woman got up and offered him her hand. “Do you want to see the room? It’s really big, and we have many toys and new friends that wait for you,” she explained. 

“That sounds nice, right, Kazu?” Keiko asked as she carefully led him to said door. Kazu stumbled a little but followed a little more comfortable at the promise of toys. 

“Kazu play?”

“Yes, Kazu can play much with the other children. I promise they are just as excited and happy as I am to have someone new in our group.”

“We play?” he asked as he tugged at his mother’s skirt again to get her attention. 

“Your mama can come in with us, yes,” Hotaru-sensei said, and he frowned slightly. 

Keiko put him on a small bench in front of the room and helped him to change his shoes into some indoor shoes. “Kazu whenever you are inside here you need to wear these, okay? I wrote your name on them.”

“Stickers,” he said with a giggle as he moved his feet up to the bench to look at the sticker with a bunny on it.

“Yup, so that you can always recognise them. All your things have one of them with a bunny and your name,” Keiko smiled as she opened the backpack and showed Nino the one on the inside. 

Kazu’s face brightened up as he hugged the backpack close to himself. 

“Do you like bunnies, Kazu?” Hotaru asked, and he nodded happily. 

“Yup, Momo favourite,” he said. “Always had.”

“Wow, I would like to meet Momo. Maybe you can bring him next week?”

Kazu nodded happily at the prospect of bringing his bunny and looked at his mother, who agreed as well. She then showed him where to hang his bag, and they walked further. Kazu looked at the different rooms where children were playing while he followed his mother. 

“Mama, Masa here?” he asked suddenly.

“Masaki-kun is here as well,” his mother agreed. 

That was why she had chosen this place. Masaki would be here for one more year and next year Masaki’s little brother - one that Kazu also already knew - would enter the daycare so that she could be sure that he always had someone close he already liked to play. 

“Masa play!” Kazu said happily as he clapped his hands and hopped up and down. Masaki never could come to play in the morning, and just now Kazu remembered that Masaki had explained to him what a kindergarten was and that he had fun there. 

They entered the group room, and Kazu greeted the others a bit shyly when hellos welcomed him before hiding at his mother again. 

“Kazu, do you want to play a game now? You can choose one,” Hotaru offered, and he nodded. He tugged his mother with him to the shelf to choose a game that he knew from home and then dragged her to one of the tables to sit down. 

“I will only play with you one round, Kazu. Then I will leave, and you can play with Hotaru-sensei and the others.”

“Mama stay?”

Keiko sighed as she shook her head. “No, sweetheart. I told you right, and it’s a place for children to play with others and learn with the teachers.”

Kazu nodded as he stared down at the yellow figure he had chosen for himself. He didn’t like to be without her. 

“Oh, hello, Kazu!” Masaki yelled as he entered the room. He ran over before recognising the others. “Good morning, Hotaru-sensei, Kazu’s mama.”

“Hello, Masaki,” the adults greeted. Nino giggled and waved at Masaki. 

“Masa play?”

“Yup,” Masaki said as he sat down beside him and took another figure. “Are you with us today?”

“Kazu play with mama.”

Masaki grinned as he nodded and they started the game. When the round was over, his mother stood and bent to be face to face with her son. 

“Kazu, I will be going, ne? You have lots of fun with Masaki-kun and the others.”

Kazu looked up with wide eyes. “Kazu with mama?” he asked with a small panicked whine in his voice. 

Keiko caressed his cheek and shook his head. “You have so much fun playing here, ne? And I need to go grocery shopping and to the doctors. You don’t like going there, ne?”

Kazu grimaced and then nodded. He really didn’t like going there.

“And when I’m done, I will come back, and we can go home.”

“Mama promise?”

“Of course,” she whispered, kissing his forehead. “Bye-bi, Kazu.”

Kazu stood up as he watched her stood and left the room. 

“Kazu, say good-bye to your mama,” Hotaru-sensei reminded him.

Kazu stared at the woman with wide eyes when she turned at the door again to wave at him, and tears sprang to his eyes. He jumped to his eyes and ran after the woman before she could entirely leave. 

“Mama no go. Kazu good. Kazu no alone. Please!” he cried as he pressed against her leg. “Kazu good, Kazu really good. Kazu promise. Kazu listen.”

“Oh, my sweet child,” Keiko whispered as she knelt to hug him close to herself and sway him in his arms. She looked up a bit helplessly at Hotaru who was on her feet shortly after and led them out so that Keiko could be in a vacant room with her son. She swayed him as he gripped tightly to her shirt, crying and continuing to promise to be a good boy to please not abandon him. 

“Kazu, you are a good boy. No need to change,” she promised as she caressed the small of his back. “But the daycare is fun, I promise. No need for so many tears.”

Kazu shook his head and pressed himself even tighter against Keiko. She rocked him in her arms, dropping small kisses on top of his head until he calmed down again from exhaustion. 

“I’m sorry for this,” she said to Hotaru who shook her head. 

“It’s fine. Some children react more badly to this than others.”

“I think I should take him home for today,” Keiko whispered, playing with Kazu’s strands of hair as he sank against him. “Try another day again.”

“Are you sure?”

Keiko looked down on her little boy and nodded. “Yes.” She would need to address this again with Kazu. Trying to explain better what this was. She had done so already before today, of course, and Kazu seemed to have understood it all. Especially with Masaki at his side. And of course, he knew from his siblings how it was to be away for the day. 

That Kazu feared to be abandoned hurt her even if that made sense if one considered his past. It was just that most of the time now Kazu seemed like not remembering anything about his history and just being very happy. 

“Thank you for your help, Hotaru-sensei. We will come tomorrow if that’s okay?”

“Of course. And considering his past, it will probably end up being a prolonged process with you staying close by and leaving him only for a short time alone until we can make sure he feels secure enough.”

Keiko sighed but nodded as she pressed her lips against Kazu’s forehead. “We’ll be fine, right?” she asked him, smiling when there was no answer since Kazu had already fallen asleep. 

In the end, it took them more than two months to slowly ease Kazu into liking being in daycare without his mother. Still, by then everybody was sure that the little boy felt secure that he would always be brought home after a while and nobody wanted anything terrible from him, and that made it worth in the end.


	15. Chapter 15

Keiko looked at her little boy who was hopping from foot to foot in front of the big school gate. He was peering into the schoolyard and pointing at everything he could see inside excitedly. Of course, Kazu already knew the school because of his big brother, but now that it was his turn, it was something completely different. She sighed as she leant against her husband, who chuckled as he pressed his lips against her hair. 

“Are you crying?” Mamoru teased her, and she shook her head, before sniffling and nodding. 

“Of course, our little boy has grown so much,” she said. 

“Mama, the bell rang!” Kazu cried out, looking at her with wide eyes. “Toshi said when the bell rings, we need to go inside. I can’t be late!”

“Oh, my sweetheart, there is no chance of us being late. We are coming,” she said and let Kazu take her hand and tug her along to the big auditorium where the entrance ceremony was going to be held. In front of the door, she knelt in front of him and straightened his uniform before she bopped his nose and kissed his forehead. 

“You go to the front with the others, okay?”

“Okay,” he said with a bright grin. “I’m going to be smart, right?”

“Very smart,” she agreed and kissed his forehead. “Off you go then. Listen to the teachers, alright?”

“Yes, when they call my name I have to go to the front, and greet sensei,” he nodded. She agreed, and Kazu turned around to run off to take a free seat in the first row. 

She sighed as she stood and looked for two free seats with Mamoru, who chuckled softly. 

“Sorry,” he said at her small glare. “But you are very emotional. More so than with Mina and Satoshi I think.”

“It’s just really the last time now. Our little boy has grown so much. There will be a lot of things happening for the last time from now on as he grows,” she said with a smile. It has never been easy with Kazu, but he was a very loving little boy that had fallen into their life those three years ago who was mistreated as a baby.

Now Kazu was a bright little boy that always had naughty thoughts and loved to play little pranks. Keiko knew she was soft on him, but it was hard to scold him when he looked at her with big bright eyes, free from any fear about being stuck or hurt. He still liked to cuddle though, more than his siblings had when they were his age. 

Mamoru held her around the shoulders as they listened to the entrance ceremony.

“You know,” Keiko mumbled as they sat outside the school and waited for Kazu to finish the first two hours of lesson. 

“What is going on in your mind?”

“I worry about all of our children, but I fear for him the most. He had a rough start, and there lie things in his past that we still don’t know about and that haunt him if he remembers them or not. It will be rough sailing for him, and I fear the moment we can’t protect him anymore. The world is cruel, and it might be hard for him to adjust and rise to the expectations others have for him.”

“We will always be at his side, and make sure he is perfect as he is,” Mamoru reminded him, and she nodded. 

“Yes, and I really hope that is enough,” she whispered and stood as the bell rang. They both knew that the drug abuse had left their tracks in the boy which he still had to fight and maybe forever has to suffer from.

A smile was on her face when Kazu ran out of the building, and she bent down to catch the little boy in her arms when he called out for them. 

Kazu giggled as she swayed him in his arms. “How was the first lesson?”

“Sooo fun, sensei is very nice. She said I’m good at writing my name,” he explained with a grin.

“Oh, aren’t you a smart little boy?”

He grinned proudly and hugged her around the neck. “What will we do now?”

“The first day of school calls for a celebration, of course. So I thought we could go to that ice cream parlour you really like. And later when Satoshi and Mina come home, we’ll, of course, celebrate with cake, and you can play in the garden.”

“I want a big ice-cream, with cream and sprinkles and chocolate sauce!” Kazu declared wriggling to be put down by her and then running over to Mamoru to hug him. 

“Papa I’m good right? Sensei said my strokes are pretty, that’s because you practised with me so much!”

“You’re perfect, and I’m glad all your hard work was helpful.” he agreed as he swayed him a bit from side to side, chuckling when Kazu giggled loudly. They ignored the slightly confused stares of people around them as they left the school fully now to go for that ice cream. 

Kazu got everything he wanted and told his parents everything he had learnt in that short time. He was just too excited. 

— 

Late in the night, Keiko was awoken by little knees that dug into her back. She turned around and smiled as he saw a sleep-drunken Kazu on the bed. 

“Bad dreams my sweet child?”

“May I sleep with you and papa?”

“Of course, my sweet child. Come into our midst,” she whispered and helped him to climb over her and get comfortable in their midst. 

“Thank you, mama,” he whispered and snuggled up to the woman. She smiled and hugged him close as she started to hum his favourite lullaby until he fell to sleep. She kissed his sweet-smelling hair, wondering when the last time for spending the night with him like that would be. 

She smiled the next morning when Kazu waved at her with a bright smile, before taking the hand of his big brother and walking to school together with him. 

He skipped alongside him, looking around curiously before getting a bit slower. 

“Toshi?”

“Yes, what is it Kazu?”

“Do you mind walking me to school?” he asked and laid his head to the side.

“No, why should I?”

“Because one boy in class said that his big brother doesn’t like to play with him because he said he’s a baby. Which is wrong, right? I’m no baby. So he can’t be either.”

“Many older siblings think that it’s childish to play with their younger siblings. But I like to play with you because you can think of the most fun games.”

Kazu smiled brightly and hugged him. “It’s the most fun to play with you also,” he agreed. “But I also like to play with Masa.”

“That’s good,” Satoshi agreed. “And now we should race to school, or we will be late.”

Kazu’s eyes widened in shock as he giggled and then ran with him hand in hand. 

At school, Satoshi made sure that they were both presentable and grinned. “You have mama’s lunch, right?”

“Uhn,” he agreed, hopping up and down. “Mama said to make sure I finish it.”

“Yup, and we can meet in the yard when the lunch bell rings if you want?”

Kazu tripped from foot to foot as he nodded. “With Masa?”

“Only if I can bring a friend.”

Kazu scrunched up his nose and then nodded. “Okay,” he mumbled. 

Satoshi grinned and ruffled his hair. “Now go to your class, sensei will wait for you already.”

“Yes, Nii-chan!” Kazu said as he waved and ran off into the building. Satoshi chuckled as he followed him to his class just soon after. 

Satoshi waited for him in front of his classroom just as he had promised him earlier together with Sho-kun. 

“Hello Sho-senpai,” he said grinning proudly that he had remembered.

“Hello, Kazu-kun,” the older greeted him with a chuckle. Kazu grabbed Satoshi’s hand, which let him outside to a bench where they often ate lunch together.

“Masa!” Kazu greeted happily when he saw the other boy already there. 

“I met him this morning before classes and told him to come.”

“Thank you, Toshi.”

“Now let’s eat. You remember what mama told you?”

“Yes,” Kazu said with a giggle. As he opened the bento box, he had been hugging close to his chest the whole way. He grinned happily at the delicious looking treats and finally started eating them, talking to the rest while doing so. 

Kazu grinned happily and thought to himself that school was just as much fun as he had thought it would be.

A/N: A short one, sorry


	16. Chapter 16

“Goodbye!” Kazu said to his friends and waved at them after they were allowed to leave school for the day.

“Bye Kazu, until tomorrow.”

“Uhn,” the boy nodded with a grin. He waved again before turning around and running home. 

At home, he carefully opened the door, and as silently as he could, he took off his shoes and dragged his bag to the living room in search for his mother. He tried not to be too loud in case his big brother was sleeping because his mama had told him that a lot of sleep would help Satoshi to get over his cold. 

And Kazu wanted Satoshi to get healthy again, because he really, really wanted to play with him again. 

He found his mother in the kitchen and grinned happily when he ran over to hug her. 

“I’m home,” Kazu declared happily. 

Keiko smiled down at the boy who was brimming with pride. She ruffled his hair. It was the very first time that Kazu had come home all on his own. This morning Mamoru had brought him to school on his way to work, and it was a big step for Kazu to not walk with his brother. 

“Welcome home, Kazu. Do you have any wishes for your afternoon snack?”

“May I have fruits?”

“Yes, but also some vegetables,” Keiko reminded him. He wrinkled his nose but then nodded. 

“I want carrots, cucumber and strawberries? Do we have strawberries, mama?”

“You are lucky.”

Kazu cheered happily as he jumped up and down and did a little dance in his joy. Keiko chuckled and smoothed down his hair. 

“Mama?”

“Yes?”

“How is Sato-nii? Is it better?”

“Satoshi is resting, Kazu. He still is ill.”

Kazu pouted but nodded. “But if you are good and do your homework you and he can sit under the Kotatsu and watch some cartoons. Sounds good?”

“Yay,” Kazu said happily again and then ran up to the bathroom to finally wash his hands and face after Keiko reminded him to do so. 

He hopped down the stairs and back to the kitchen where already a big plate with his afternoon snack was waiting for him. Keiko sat across from him with some vegetable sticks herself, watching him eat and talk about what he had learnt today at school.

“Oh, mama?”

“Yes, sweet child?”

Kazu wriggled a bit on his seat before putting the last piece of cucumber into his mouth, munching on it and then retrieving his bag. He rummaged through it a bit until he held a piece of paper in his hand. He was a bit nervous about it, but Keiko was looking very calmly at him, so he took a big breath and held it out for her. 

“Sensei said if we want we can join an afternoon club finally. And I want to go to the music club,” he said in a small voice. He liked making music during class, and he would love to do more, but he understood that it was maybe more expensive than other choices. Satoshi took several clubs because he didn’t know what he wanted to do and was interested in everything. But they were all for free. Their music teacher had said that if they really wanted to stay in the class, they needed an instrument at home. 

“Ah yes, you wanted to go since the start of the school year. I can’t believe that it has been half a year already,” Keiko said as she read the paper. “Do you already know which instrument you want to play?”

“Nu-uh,” Kazu said as he shook his head. “Sensei said the first weeks are for trying them out and deciding.”

“That sounds fun,” she smiled. 

He grinned happily as he realised that this meant that he probably was allowed to do it. 

“But Kazu.”

“Yes?” he asked a bit nervously. 

“If we decide to buy an instrument, later on, you need to stick to it for at least a year, okay?”

“What does that mean?”

“Kazu, you know how Satoshi does many things?”

“Uhn, he says it’s fun to be able to do a different thing each day,” he said with a grin. 

“Yes, he does, ne? And it’s only possible because he chose clubs that don’t have extra costs but are paid from the school fees. Mina also took only one club when she was at primary.”

Kazu nodded with a giggle. “And I can play with Masa-kun and Jun-kun while I wait for him to finish.”

Keiko chuckled. “Do you know what Masaki-kun and Jun-kun do?”

Kazu frowned as he played at the straps of his bag pack. “They want to do basketball and baseball,” he said in a small voice. 

“And you don’t want to do that? You like catch-ball.”

“Yup catch-ball is fun with papa,” he said with a happy nod. “Basketball is scary, though. And all kids are so big. Like Masa-kun,” Kazu said with a shudder. 

Keiko chuckled softly and reached out to ruffle his hair. 

Kazu stared down at the table, his brows furrowed as he thought this over. “Mama?”

“Yes?”

“Can I do two things? If I promise to stick with it?” Kazu was wrinkling his nose at the unknown word. He was not so sure what sticking to it meant. 

“Which two things?”

“Baseball and music class.”

Keiko chuckled and nodded as she bopped the top of his nose. “Only if you promise me that you will go to swimming classes next summer as well.”

Kazu pursed his lips at those and thought about that before he nodded after while. The swimming pool for big people was scary because it was so deep. He liked the low one for little children much better. His mother had wanted him to take lessons this year, but he had cried and panicked until his parents agreed that he didn’t have to do it this time. 

“Okay. I will be brave,” he promised with a low voice. 

“I know you are always my brave little fighter,” she said. She rubbed his cheeks and smiled. “Okay, you need to bring me the application forms for both clubs, okay?”

“Yes, thank you, mama,” he cheered and hugged him around the neck. He kissed her cheeks and then skipped away to clean his place and pull out his homework. He knelt on the chair to reach the table a bit better, as he started to copy the ne characters they had learnt today.

Keiko tidied up around him, answering his questions from time and time and checked up on Satoshi who had finally woken up again and walked down the stairs and was already all snuggled up under the Kotatsu with rice porridge he was slowly eating. He was still a bit sluggish but actually more awake than the morning. 

“Mama finished!” Kazu yelled and jumped from the chair with his workbook to show her. She checked the writings and ruffled his hair lovingly. 

“Those are perfect. You did really well,” she praised, and he grinned happily before he crawled under the Kotatsu beside Satoshi. 

“Hello, Sato-nii. How are you feeling?”

“Better, thanks Kazu,” he whispered and hugged him for a moment. Keiko put tea on the table and then offered Satoshi the control. 

Satoshi took it, and Kazu grinned happily as he snuggled up beside his brother. “Mama said I did good at writing my characters,” he chirped. “And I can start the music class and baseball.”

“Oh, that’s nice,” Satoshi whispered and ruffled his hair as he chose a cartoon for them to watch.

“Ne Sato-nii?”

“What is it, Kazu?”

“Will you get healthy really fast?”

“Uhn, but mama says it will take a week.”

Kazu frowned unhappily as he tucked himself closer to the other.

“What is it, Kazu?” Satoshi asked in a whisper as they were alone again. 

“It was scary walking all alone, Sato-nii,” he whispered in a tiny voice. 

“What was scary?”

“School says not to talk to strangers.”

“Yup.”

“So strangers are scary. An old man greeted me, and then I ran,” he confessed.

Satoshi chuckled and shook his head as he hugged him close. “Kazu you don’t have to run away, okay? But you can’t go with strangers.”

“Uhn, mama said never to go with people who don’t know the password,” he said in a stage whisper and big eyes. 

“Yup, see. So if you don’t go with anybody, you can say hello if they greet you. We do when we are together, right?”

“Uhn,” Kazu said and looked up at him for a moment. “But things are scarier all alone,” he mumbled. 

“That’s true. But you can go home with Masaki or Jun, right? At least part of the ways. You don’t have to go home all alone, starting at school. And you did, right?”

Kazu blushed slightly and looked down. “I didn’t think about that. I was so excited about having to go home all alone that I just ran off after saying goodbye.”

“Stupid,” Satoshi giggled. “We always walk with Masa and Jun and Sho.”

“I forgot. And they didn’t tell either.”

“Because they would’ve waited for Sho.”

Kazu frowned and then nodded as understanding dawned upon him. He kissed Satoshi’s cheek before jumping to his feet and running up to Keiko to ask her if it was okay if he came home later the next days together with the others, which she laughed at but then agreed rather readily. Everything to make her little boy more comfortable.


	17. Chapter 17

“Sweet child, it’s time to wake up,” Keiko said softly as she entered the room of her son. Usually, Kazu would be already awake and help her preparing breakfast, so she was surprised and worried as not to see the little boy down. 

Kazu made a small noise and rolled to his side, blinking up at her blearily. He hadn’t slept well since he couldn’t fall asleep the night before and now felt like he hadn’t managed to sleep even a tiny bit. 

“Mama,” he mumbled, holding out his arms with a small whine in the back of his throat. Keiko frowned softly and sat down on the bed beside him. 

“Are you ill, Kazu?”

“I don’t feel good,” he mumbled and buried his head in her stomach after he had robbed a bit closer. 

Keiko smiled softly as she caressed his silky hair and rubbed the back of his head before checking him for any fever. When his forehead felt normal, she rubbed his shoulders and hummed softly. “What is it, Kazu?”

“My tummy hurts, mama.”

“Are you feeling ill, like you need to throw up?” she clarified, and he thought about it for a moment, before half shaking half nodding his head in answer. He felt strange and not good, and the thought of having to get up and leave for school made it all worse. 

“A bit,” he said in the end.

She sighed and caressed his face. Maybe Kazu was getting ill and if so it was probably better if she kept him home for today so that he could settle down and hopefully feel better again very soon. 

“Okay, I’ll call the school that you’ll be absent today. Do you want anything for breakfast?”

“Not hungry, mama,” he mumbled, and she sighed.

“Then try to go back to sleep, okay? When Mina and Satoshi are off to school I’ll bring you some porridge, sounds good?”

“Uhn, thank you, mama,” Kazu said with a shy smile as he rolled up on his side and held his stomach that was aching right now. He buried his head in the cushions and tried to fall back to sleep. 

He was dozing off when the door opened again, and Satoshi peeked in with a worried look on his face. “Mama said you are ill, little brother?” he said, and Kazu nodded. 

“Tummy hurts,” he whined. “Really badly.”

“Huh?” Satoshi mumbled and then slipped in entirely. He knelt in front of the bed and caressed his brow with his fingertips. “You were not feeling well the last few days also, right?”

Kazu nodded a little and sighed. “But today is worse,” he mumbled. “I’m not lying.”

“Didn’t say that,” Satoshi reminded him and then presented him with a heating pad. “Look I even brought that, I snatched it from Mi-nee. She uses it when she has a hurting stomach,” he explained with a smile. 

Kazu blinked at the pad but allowed Satoshi to plug it in and put it on the middle setting before pressing it against Kazu’s stomach. “I have to go to school now. My new teacher is really strict. We have to do detention when we are late,” he said with a pout. 

“Take care, ne Kazu? I’ll come home as soon as possible.”

Kazu nodded and smiled when Satoshi pecked his cheek before getting to his feet and running out of the room. He sighed as he hugged the heating pad close to himself. It helped a little bit, he thought as he almost fell to sleep again, but stayed awake to say goodbye to his father and sister as well, who both came up to his room before they left for school and work, before finally falling asleep again. 

—

“You look much better,” Keiko said with a smile as she entered the room a few hours later with the rice porridge on a tray. She had left Kazu to sleep for a bit longer when she had seen that he finally was deep asleep. 

“I feel better, my stomach doesn’t hurt anymore,” he said as he pulled off the heating pad. He rubbed his eyes and smiled at his mother, who put the tray down on his legs. 

“That’s good, my sweet child. Eat this, and then you can go to the living room and watch some TV, okay?”

“Uhn, thank you,” he said happily at that promise. Keiko chuckled as she mostly offered it because she knew from the other two that they got bored quickly and it was less hassle for her to have them watch TV than having them call her often. Also, in the living room, she could keep an eye on them more easily.

Satoshi came home in the afternoon and did his homework before taking the time to play a few board games with Kazu until it was time for dinner and then for them to go to bed. 

Keiko sat down at Kazu’s bed again as she put him to bed and caressed his side. “How are you feeling?”

“Better,” he mumbled with furrowed brows. 

Keiko chuckled as she smoothed down the crease with her fingers. “That’s good, ne? Then you can go back to school tomorrow, right?”

“Right,” Kazu agreed, wriggling a little in his bed as he sighed, closing his eyes. “Good night, mama.”

“Good night, sweet child. Sleep well.”

He nodded and rolled to his side to try and fall asleep. 

—

Kazu opened the door to the bedroom of his parents carefully and peered inside. He sighed as he shuffled closer and then tugged at his mother’s sleeve until the woman opened her eyes. She was sleepy for a little moment before her eyes focused on Kazu and were alert right away when she saw that her little son was crying. 

“Kazu, what is wrong? Why are you awake?” she asked and pulled him on her lap to close her arms around him. 

“My tummy hurts mama. I can’t sleep,” he sniffled. 

“Again?” she said with a worried tone and rechecked his temperature. She cupped his cheeks, and he nodded. 

“Really badly. I don’t like it.”

“Of course not. Being hurt is never nice,” she agreed and picked him up when Mamoru mumbled something beside them. “Let’s head to the sofa, okay? There we can cuddle. Your papa needs to rest for work.”

“Uhn,” he said as he rubbed his eyes. He snuggled close to his mother as he let himself be carried downstairs. Keiko put him on the sofa before leaving him for a moment to make some tea to settle his stomach. 

Kazu took the tea with both hands and then snuggled up to Keiko as his mother settled down beside him. He sighed and put his head on her shoulder, slowly relaxing as Keiko stroke his stomach until he felt slightly better. 

He was still crying though which worried Keiko immensely. “Kazu, what is wrong? You don’t need to cry just because your stomach hurts, mh?” she said softly. It wasn’t the first time Kazu was ill, and even if Kazu, in general, wanted more snuggles and being close when he was sick, he usually didn’t react that badly to pain. The opposite was true, Keiko had soon realised. Even now, when Kazu almost remembered nothing about his former life, he wouldn’t feel pain as her other children, and he would seldom cry if he were hurt or ill. He often seemed to want to disappear and not be the cause of more work. 

“I don’t think I like school very much,” he admitted in a small voice. “When I think about going to school, my tummy starts to hurt, really badly.”

“Why is that, Kazu? You liked going to school, ne? Playing with Jun-kun and Masaki-kun and going to the music club. Don’t you like that anymore? Or is it because Satoshi isn’t in your school anymore? But you can go to school and come home together, ne? And play in the afternoon.”

“I… I don’t mind Sato-nii being away. I’m happier if he’s there though,” he explained with a scrunched up face. He still liked being with his brother, but he didn’t need him around all the time anymore. “And I like playing with Jun and Masa.”

“But?”

He rubbed his eyes and hid his face against her shoulder again, sniffling slightly. 

“Kazu, you need to tell me, or I can’t help you.”

“I don’t want to trouble you. Sensei said I always need to behave the best and be thankful for you, and it’ll be bad for me if I make you or papa sad,” he whispered. “And I miss Masa and Jun. It’s unfair that they are in another class. The boys in my class bully me, but sensei said that it’s my fault and I need to be nicer and that you would be very unhappy with me if I tell you or papa or if she has to tell you that I misbehave,” he said under sobs, that shook his whole body. 

Keiko stiffened at his side and then pulled him on his lap to rock him from side to side. “Oh my sweet innocent child,” she whispered and kissed his head. 

“You never, ever have to be worried about making me or papa unhappy, you understand, Kazu? You always can come to us, and we’ll listen and help you. We will never be mad at you.”

“But she scolds me always and says if she would tell you all the time how I don’t do as told you would give children like me away. I don’t want to go away,” he said as he looked at her with fear in his eyes. Keiko smiled and felt her heart breaking for her little boy. At the same time, she just wanted to walk up to his teacher and hurt that woman the same way she hurt Kazu. 

“I would never, ever give you away, Kazu. You, Satoshi and Mina, it doesn’t matter what you all do you are my children. Oh, my sweet child. Why didn’t you tell me earlier, all that must have been so painful to hear and bear.”

“It’s so scary, mama. I’m sorry for not telling you and troubling you.”

“It’s not your fault, Kazu. I’m proud you managed to tell me now, and I promise you papa, and I will make it right again, okay?”

“I don’t want to go to school tomorrow, mama.”

“And you won’t have to, okay? You can stay here until we make it okay,” she promised and caressed his cheeks. 

He sniffled but nodded after a moment, and he laid down against her shoulder, tears still streaming down his face. “Mama? What did she mean children like me?”

“Very special children, my sweetheart. It doesn’t matter what she meant, ne? She is just jealous.”

“Jealous?”

“Mhm,” Keiko said with a smile as she continued to rock him. She kissed his hair when she felt how he got heavier while at the same time fighting against his sleep and started to sing the old lullaby that always seemed to calm Kazu down. 

“If they knew all about you  
They’d end up loving you too  
All those same people who scold you  
What they’d give just for the right to hold you,” she sang in a low whisper, smiling when Kazu fell to sleep against her. She rocked him and then sighed softly.

“Everything alright?” Mamoru suddenly asked, and she blinked. 

“Sorry I didn’t want to wake you.”

“Mhm… You didn’t. The bed was just too empty. Do you need help?”

“Yes, thank you,” she said with a smile as he picked up Kazu much more easily than she had done earlier. 

“Is everything alright with him?”

“No, but we will make it again,” she whispered as she put a lock of Kazu’s hair behind his ear as he scrunched up his nose in sleep and then snuggled against his father. 

“Papa,” he mumbled in his sleep, and Mamoru smiled. 

“Let’s go back to bed. It seems like our little one needs special love tonight.”

Keiko smiled as she nodded. “Yes, that’s right. I’ll tell you in the morning.”

“Okay,” he agreed as he carried Kazu into their bedroom and put him in the middle of the bed. Kazu mumbled something under his breath but soon enough calmed down again when the blanket was pulled over him, and his parents settled down at his sides. 

—

“Kazu?”

“Yes, papa?”

“Your mother told me what happened at school,” Mamoru said the next day carefully as they sat in bed while Keiko was downstairs preparing breakfast. 

Kazu paled a little bit and then looked down at his hands. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“It’s alright. We are not mad at you. What your teacher did is not okay. If you go to her because others bully you, she needs to help you, not to scold you or tell you such lies about us. And it’s also not alright to tell you that we would give you away.”

Kazu nodded and nibbled at his lower lip. “You are not angry at me?”

“Never. You are my beloved little son, Kazu,” he said, ruffling his hair when Kazu smiled shyly at him. “But your mother and I need to talk to your headteacher about it. We’ll do that today.”

“I don’t want to go. Mama said, I don’t have to.”

“No, you don’t. Just me and your mother, ne? We’ll talk to them and make it alright for you to go back to school. You want to go back, right? Or do you want to change schools, Kazu?”

Kazu nibbled at his lips as he thought about it for a while. Somehow he knew that changing schools wouldn’t bring him to the same school as Satoshi and he really liked spending his breaks with Masaki and Jun, and they all were together at the baseball club. “I want to stay there,” he said. “But I don’t like sensei.”

“We’ll make sure you don’t have to go back to her class, I promise. But it might be that she will teach you in a class. We can’t do anything about that.”

Kazu looked at him with big eyes. “But you tell her not to be mean?”

“Of course. And if she does, you’ll come to us and tell us, okay? Whatever it is.”

“Okay, I can do that,” Kazu said. “I will try, at least.”

“Good boy,” Mamoru praised and smiled. “Shall we get down then? Mama already called your momma, and she will be here soon.”

“Momma will come?” Kazu asked with wide eyes. 

“Yes, we can’t leave you all alone, ne?”

Kazu nodded in excitement at the thought of spending time all alone with his momma. Mamoru chuckled, and then they left to join the rest for breakfast. 

“Kazu is staying home again?” Satoshi asked when he realised that Kazu was not wearing his school clothes yet. “Are you still ill?” he asked then Kazu who nibbled at his lips and stared down. 

He was not really ill, at least his stomach didn’t hurt so much anymore, and also his heart felt a lot lighter than it had for the last few days, but he didn’t know what to say to his brother at the question. 

“Kazu is not feeling well, Satoshi. So he will stay at home for the rest of the week. Don’t pout you still have to go.”

“But I want to snuggle with Kazu! If he is not feeling good, I will snuggle with him so that he will feel well again!” he declared. 

Kazu giggled and kissed the cheek of his big brother. “We cuddle when school is over?” Kazu asked. 

Satoshi pouted but then nodded as he got up when Mina tugged at his arm. “We are going to be late. Go and wear your uniform,” she said sternly, and with a pout, Satoshi ran up to his room to change into the shirt of his uniform.

Mina looked at Kazu and hugged him tightly. “Feel better soon, ne little brother?” she whispered and ruffled his hair. 

Kazu nodded and giggled slightly. “Uhn, mama and papa said they would make it good again, right?”

Their parents nodded, and Mina grinned. “Good then, and you won’t listen to mean people again, alright? Or you’ll tell me, and I’ll hit them.”

“Mina,” Mamoru scolded, but he was chuckling. 

Kazu grinned and hugged her back. “Okay Mi-nee,” he answered and then said goodbye to the other two as Satoshi was downstairs again and blinked confusedly. 

“Mi-nee, what mean people?” he asked as they left and Kazu couldn’t hear the answer as the door closed. He sighed and ate his breakfast until the doorbell rang, and he excitedly ran up to open it, just to remember that his mother had forbidden him to open the door alone.

He grinned when Keiko appeared behind him and let his grandmother in. “Momma!” he cried happily hugging her tightly when she was inside and pulled him close. 

“My, my,” she whispered and hugged him more tightly for a second. “We are going to have fun, ne Kazu? How about we bake some cookies?”

“Yay,” he cried out happily and did a little dance as he dragged her into the kitchen. Keiko chuckled as she had just finished cleaning and then ruffled Kazu’s hair. 

“You’ll be okay,” she mumbled to herself as she thanked her mother again for looking after Kazu and got ready for their trip to school. She was just glad that Kazu hadn’t been told too much yet, it seemed, and she would make sure that the teachers knew precisely where the line for them was. 

As promised, Keiko and Mamoru made sure that Kazu would be transferred to the same class as his friends and that the teacher was disciplined for overstepping the boundaries. They wanted to decide when and how to tell Kazu how he had come to their family, and even if Kazu remembered the way the teacher had handled, it was not in any way okay. And right now Kazu was still too young to understand everything. It was still better for his mind to think he was their biological child.


	18. Chapter 18

Ohno was laying on the sofa, a drawing pad was on his lap, and he was twirling the pen rather lazily, staring at the paper with a small sigh, before his eyes wandered to his little brother who was kneeling in front of the low table of their living room. His legs under the kotatsu, enjoying the warmth and his back hunched over. 

Nino had done his homework earlier, asking a question now and then, but it wasn't as if Ohno was able to help a lot. Kazu had always been better in school than he had been, and sometimes he thought his little brother had already passed him in their studies. It wasn't true since they were in the same schools so far and learnt the same things. 

Satoshi looked back at the drawings. He was supposed to draw a still life for his art class, but he couldn't find it in him. He was not interested in that kind of things, and he knew that his teachers were annoyed with him always being difficult. He sighed when he saw that he had drawn Kazu's sleeping face - once again and fast put on another page so that nobody would notice. 

He looked at the bowl of fruits Kazu had very helpfully prepared for him when he had whined about his homework with a frown, as his eyes wandered back to Kazu. 

He grinned when he realised that the younger boy had earphones in as he was playing his game as not to disturb his concentration and stared at him. Satoshi sighed and closed his eyes as he leant back into the cushions, staring at the ceiling as not to touch the neck of the other boy. 

"Sato-nii," Kazu suddenly asked, and he looked down at the boy who had removed his earphones and was looking at him with big eyes. 

Satoshi blushed slightly as he stared at him and rubbed his face. "Yes, what's up?"

"Have you finished your picture yet?"

"Not yet, why?"

"Because I want to see it."

"It's just boring apples and pears."

Nino pouted and looked at him. "I love your pictures; they can't ever be boring."

Satoshi giggled at his words. His brother was too cute for words sometimes.

"So how many times did you lose already?"

"Three," Kazu said with a pout. "It's a hard level."

"Aww poor you," Satoshi said and ruffled his hair. 

"Cuddle with me," he demanded. "I need comfort."

Satoshi gulped slightly, but there was no way he could not say yes to his pouting baby brother. He put the sketch pad to the side and opened his arms for Kazu, who grinned happily and climbed on the sofa beside Ohno, after putting his things down on the table. 

"You enjoy cuddles way too much," Satoshi teased as he put his head on top of Kazu's and stared at the table. Nobody had told him that it had to be fruits, he thought as he saw the bag of crisps together with the handheld game machine of Nino, his headphones and some lip balm on the table. He could draw that with ease.

"Sato-nii?"

"Mh?"

"The auntie from down the street ne?"

"Yes, what's with her? It's the one with the dog, right?"

"Yup, the one I take for walks sometimes," Kazu confirmed with a smile. 

"It's a cute one, ne?"

"I suppose. You know I'm not a big fan of dogs," Satoshi said, grinning when Kazu pouted at the reminder. 

"But that's not what you wanted to tell me right?" he reminded him, poking his side. 

"No… She… Ah well, doesn't matter, just silly thoughts."

"Kazu," Satoshi sighed, lifting his chin to look into his face. "What is bothering you?"

"She just said something that… I don't know. You remember how people asked me sometimes if I was out with my aunt when I was with mama?"

Satoshi tried hard to not stiffen beside the other and ruffled his hair. "Yup, stupid people."

Kazu smiled and nodded. "Right," he said not that convinced. "It's just strange sometimes."

"What is?"

"That… I dunno. People say I don't look like I belong to our family."

"Kazu," Satoshi sighed and hugged him tighter. "Of course you belong to our family. You are my beloved little brother, that sometimes gets very much on my nerves but who is also the best partner if it comes to causing trouble to Nee-chan. Okay? You belong to us."

Kazu looked at him with big eyes and Satoshi bit his lips as he saw the long beautiful dark lashes resting on his cheeks for just a moment, taking a deep breath. 

"Right," Kazu agreed with a small smile. He grinned and kissed his cheek. "Thanks, Sato-nii. I want to have a snack, you too?"

"No, I had lunch."

Kazu blushed. He had skipped most of the lunch at home because they had food that he didn't like that much. Their parents wouldn't force them to eat, but at the same time wouldn't make something different just because they didn't like things that much. If it were things they hated or couldn't eat, it was something different, but as Kazu was a picky eater that some days wouldn't eat stuff, he usually liked it could be hard. 

Satoshi chuckled when Kazu skipped to the kitchen to get himself a sandwich and stared at the back of his brother. He groaned and hid his face behind his hands. He was in so much trouble. He had realised slowly how he got more and more attracted to Kazu. 

Kazu came back into the room with a plate with his sandwich and some vegetables and sat down at the table again. 

Satoshi looked at him just for a while longer, his eyes wandering his neckline before he got up. 

"Where are you going?"

"For a run. Somehow, I can't concentrate on drawing, maybe that will help. You wanna go?" he asked just for the sake of it, but just as he had thought Kazu wrinkled his nose. 

"Nope. Have fun."

"I will what about dinner?"

"Nee-chan will prepare it when she comes home. At least mama said she should since mama and papa are out for the night."

"Ah," Satoshi said nodding. "Be a good boy and ask her if you need to buy groceries for dinner then."

"You do it."

"Your turn," Satoshi reminded him and grinned when Kazu pouted but pulled over his phone to text their sister.

—

It was weeks later that Satoshi found himself alone with Kazu at home. He had tried hard to stay away from home, staying over with friends a lot whenever it was possible and otherwise staying out as late as his parents allowed. He was glad that since Kazu was still thirteen, his parents were a lot stricter with his curfew than with Satoshi. 

But tonight his parents were at his grandparents' house because his grandmother didn't feel well. Usually, Kazu would have gone with them, but since the younger boy had fought a cold the last week Keiko didn't want him to infect the old women, which was understandable. 

And since Kazu was still thirteen, and recovering from the cold, Keiko also didn't want the boy to be alone, so Satoshi couldn't stay over with Sho like he had done for the last two months on weekends. 

"How are you feeling?" Satoshi asked in a calm voice as he entered Kazu's room. 

Kazu looked at him for a moment before he rolled to the side and pulled the blanket over his head without answering. Ohno sighed and held back his eyeroll before sitting down on the bed beside him, patting his hips.

"Kazu, are you feeling warm?"

"No," Kazu croaked, making Ohno smile as to how cute that sounded. 

"Does your throat hurt?"

Kazu didn't answer anymore, and he patted his head. 

"Mama prepared chicken soup for you. Do you want it now or do you want to sleep?"

"Sleep," Kazu mumbled and pulled the blanket over his head. "And you can go. You don't need to be with me!"

Satoshi flinched but didn't say anything more. He knew that he deserved it, for shutting Kazu out but it was for his good, Satoshi thought. It was just for as long as he needed to get his overboard feelings under control. Then he could repair their brotherly relationship. Because Satoshi was quite sure that he would destroy a lot more if he gave in because that meant telling Kazu all of the truth. 

And for that, Satoshi thought as he closed the door after watching Kazu for a moment longer, Kazu was still too long, and it would not happen today. Their parents wanted to do it when Kazu was fourteen, and even then Satoshi was sure that Kazu was still too young to even think of lovers and saw him as a brother. Satoshi wanted to be the brother he always needed and not put feelings on him that Kazu would never be ready to give back. 

He sighed and leant against the door for a moment, keeping his eyes closed, before walking away from the door and going to the living room. There he would still hear Kazu but was not so close to the other, and their living room was a family space. It was much easier to remind himself about Kazu being his little brother here than anywhere else. 

A/N: This sucks… I'm sorry. I'm moving this forward, they are older now, and I hope the next parts will be better again.


	19. Chapter 19

Kazu rolled up beside his mother on the sofa one afternoon after his weekend with Satoshi. He put his head on her lap when she allowed him and sighed softly as he closed his eyes. 

“What is wrong, sweet child?” Keiko asked as she combed his hair with her fingers, smiling down at the boy. They would have to cut his hair soon again, or it would be too long for the school regulations, but since Kazu liked them a bit longer, they always went as long as possible before cutting it again. 

“Mama, may I ask you something?”

“Of course, Kazu. What lays so heavy on your mind?”

“Do you think Sato-nii doesn’t like to be with me anymore?”

Keiko sighed softly and felt her heartbreak a little for her son. She hummed softly and put a strand behind his ear as she caressed his forehead. 

“I don’t think he hates you, Kazu.”

“But he doesn’t want to play with me anymore. He always goes out until curfew.”

“But he took care of you when you were ill, ne?”

Kazu nodded with a small pout on his face. Even if he had forbidden himself to ask for anything Satoshi had always come inside to check in him and make sure that he ate. “But he doesn’t play with me anymore,” he said sullenly. 

Keiko smiled and tapped her fingers along his nose to make him look up. “Satoshi has other friends now, Kazu. As have you. And they like to hang out outside more than being home. You remember that Mina was the same, right? She always went to shopping malls with her friends.”

Kazu nodded with a small pout on his face. “I remember,” he mumbled. “I didn’t like that either. But girls are loud and all giggly. Satoshi is friends with boys. I’m a boy as well.”

Keiko chuckled and nodded. “True, but they are already 16 and older. They are allowed to go to spaces and watch movies you are not allowed yet. So, of course, Satoshi spends more time with his friends. And as you said: You have friends of your own as well, that you hang out with.”

“But I wouldn’t mind Satoshi around,” he mumbled, scrunching up his nose then as he thought it over. Satoshi sucked at playing baseball. Same with some of his favourite video games. He sighed and looked up at Keiko. 

“Are you sure he still likes me?”

“Of course, Kazu. You are his little brother. He loves you.”

Kazu grinned a bit brighter at the words and nodded as he hugged her. “And I love Sato-nii.”

“I know, my sweet child,” she whispered and ruffled his hair. “Do you want to help me make dinner? If so you can choose what we make,” she offered, laughing as he perked up at those words. 

—

“Mum, can I sleep over at Sho’s place?” Satoshi asked over the phone, ignoring Sho’s grimace at the question and turned around at the muttered hiss of that Sho needed to study. It wasn’t as if he hindered him at that, as he mostly just sat on the floor or somewhere and read a manga. He knew that his moping didn’t help Sho to concentrate, but his mother mostly accepted the excuse of staying over at Sho’s place.

“Not today. I need you to come home,” Keiko said, and he grimaced. 

“Why?” he asked with a pout. “Sho and I wanted to study.”

Keiko clicked her tongue slightly, and he felt a small shudder run down his back. “Oh, yes? Which college are you applying then?” 

He stayed silent, biting his tongue, as he had already decided not to apply for any further education. He was not interested in that, and he already had an offer to learn at a bakery which was a great spot for him. 

“Satoshi, come home now.”

“But…”

“We’ll be alone. Kazu is out with your father visiting your grandmother because he was feeling down that he couldn’t go last time. As your father has to do some work over there, he agreed to take him. They’ll stay there until Sunday. And I think we need to talk. You need to stop running away.”

“I’m not…”

“Satoshi,” she said sharply, and he stared down at the floor. He knew that tone and knew that defying her would end just in embarrassment that he didn’t want to deal with. He also could tell from her tone, that she was worried and that was the last thing he wanted. 

“Okay. I’m coming home.”

“Good, hurry up, I bought raspberry cake with that chocolate cream from that great bakery down the street that you love.”

Satoshi rolled his eyes but had to smile at the words. It seemed that she was not mad at him at least. 

“Okay, thanks, mum.”

“Of course.”

—

Satoshi sighed in relief when he saw that Kazu’s sneakers were really gone and then rolled his eyes at his thoughts. His mother would never lie to him, regardless of how unhappy she was at him, she would never lie to him about things that worried him. 

“Mum, I’m home.”

“Welcome home, darling. I’m in the kitchen,” she called back, and he squared his shoulders as he walked to the kitchen. 

“What are you making?” he asked as he saw her cutting things and tilted his head to the side. 

“I thought we could make pizza tonight, how does that sound?”

“Good,” he said with a small smile. Neither his father nor Kazu liked pizza so they seldom had it. And he wanted the one his mother made more than the bought ones at fast food places. 

“Go take a shower, okay? You look stressed.”

“Mum…” he started and tugged at his shirt. 

“Satoshi,” she said as she turned around. She cleaned her hands at her apron and approached him as she cupped his cheek lovingly. “Never think that we are going to judge you and your worries.”

“But they are bad,” he said in a small voice, and she shook her head. 

“Never so bad that it would turn us against you. Come on, take a shower, and then we’ll talk, okay?”

“Okay,” he whispered in a small voice, and she kissed his forehead like he was still her little child before letting him go. 

—

Satoshi had calmed down a lot as he came down again and saw his mother waiting for him in the living room. The two slices of cake on the table. He sat down beside her, playing with his fork for a while, before taking a bite. 

“So?” Keiko said with a soft nudge to his shoulder. 

“I think, I want to graduate after this year,” he mumbled and stared at his ink-stained fingers. “I’m not good at academics.”

“You are not trying much,” she said in a fond voice. “Never say you are bad at it, you are just not interested in it.”

He hummed a bit and then nodded. He had never been interested in studying or getting into a good college. 

“But you know that it might be hard for you to find a job if you graduate after this year, right?”

“Yes, college would widen the prospects, but I’m not fond of the thought of working in a company like dad.”

“I can’t see you in such a job either,” she said with a smile.

“Would dad be disappointed?”

“I don’t think so. We want you all to be happy with your life.”

Satoshi nodded and took another, bigger bite. 

“But that’s not why you are staying away from home, right?” she prodded gently. 

He coughed slightly putting the fork down as he shook his head. “No.”

“It’s because of Kazu.”

“No… Yes… I… It’s my fault, not his.”

“I understand that,” she said and he looked up at her, worry and fears evident in his eyes. 

“How can you understand when I can’t? I am an awful person.”

“No, you’re not,” She argued with a sigh and tugged him close to hug him. 

He shook in her arms and shook his head. “I’m abnormal. It’s not right. I can’t…”

“What is it?”

“You know what I mean.”

“Tell me,” she prodded again, and he took a shaky breath. 

“I… I think, I love Kazu more than brotherly love,” he whispered after a moment and closed his eyes. His heart felt heavy at the admission, but somehow his shoulders seemed lighter at the same time. It was a strange feeling, and something he hadn’t thought would happen. He took another shaky breath as he felt tears run over his cheeks as it was the first time he had said those words out loud. 

He hid his face against her shoulder, and she started to rock him from side to side as she hummed against his ear to calm him down at least a bit. 

“My poor darling. It must have hurt so much for you to keep it in.”

“Don’t hate me,” he whispered. “Please I will keep it down I can bury it, I promise. I just need time.”

“Satoshi, Satoshi. I never will hate you. You and Kazu had such a strong bond right from the beginning. I can’t say that this is the most normal thing to happen. But it also doesn’t mean you have to carry such a burden alone. We are your family, and you should be able to trust us with such things so that we can help you.”

“But…”

She shook her head and wiped away his tears. “If you love him, Satoshi, it’ll be hard to bury it. But I agree that you should hold back.”

“How can you be so calm?” he asked with a frown. He had been worrying about this so much, and here he was, in his mother’s arms, and everything seemed only half as bad as he had feared.

“Because I’m not blind. Do you think I have never seen how you look at him? How you have realised that there was growing more inside of you than you had thought possible first, the shock, the hurt and the fear?”

He blushed slightly and stared down at his hands. “I tried to hide it.”

“And you did a good job more or less, but me and your father. We are your parents. We already saw through your lies when you were in your diapers. And let me tell you: You haven’t gotten better at them.”

“Then Kazu…”

“Kazu has no idea,” she whispered. “But he is hurt because you turned away from him.”

Satoshi nodded and bit his lip. “But I don’t trust myself. Not yet. I can’t be close to him, right now. The weekend had been hard. I wanted to kiss him as he slept so peacefully,” he admitted, his face red from his shame and tears were close to breaking out again. He had hated himself then so so much. He had wanted to run away and never come back. 

“I see,” she hummed and caressed his cheek again until he calmed down. “But Satoshi, you can’t run away, you know that, right? You might destroy your relationship that way. And I know it’s hard and I will tell you again, to not say anything to Kazu, because he sees you as his big brother nothing else. Your feelings will overwhelm and confuse him.”

“I know,” he grumbled. I would never want to hurt him like that. I don’t want to hurt him ever, but I can’t do anything else right now.”

“I know, darling.” She sighed and squeezed his fingers. “Just don’t run from everybody anymore, alright? I’m here if you need to talk.”

Satoshi nodded with a small smile. “Thank you, mum,” he whispered and sighed as he snuggled up against her side, suddenly yearning for the warmth and motherly love from the other woman, who readily put her arm around his shoulder and rocked him slightly. 

“You’re strong, Satoshi. And I don’t want you to hate yourself, okay? You are not a bad person. You’re just in love.”

“A love that isn’t right.”

“Maybe not for the majority, but it’s your feelings, and for you, they are there.”

He breathed out shakily and nodded as he closed his eyes. 

“We’ll protect you both, okay? You are not alone.”

“You’ll tell dad?”

“Yes, he will understand.”

“Promise?”

“Mhm… And Satoshi?”

“Yes?”

“Please try to be home more often, okay? I will make sure you both are not alone, okay? Don’t hurt yourself in that way.”

“I’ll try,” he promised. “Will you hold me for a while longer?”

“Of course, darling.”

He smiled softly and made himself smaller, imagining for a while that he was back to a little child full of trust that his parents will always make it all better again.

A/N: Keiko is probably too understanding, but she has seen this happening already and had the time to accept it before facing Satoshi about it. I hope it’s okay and makes sense.


	20. Chapter 20

Kazu was staring at the board game they were playing with a concentrated frown on his face. It was an old game that his father had found in the back of his wardrobe and wanted to play tonight. His mother had told them that now that the older siblings were out more often they should meet regularly for a game night about once a month and Kazu was really enjoying it. He missed Mina a lot when she was at college and Satoshi was out with friends a lot, often overnight and he was still slightly mad at his brother for not playing with him as often as he used to do. 

In general, he understood what Keiko had explained to him, about Satoshi having other interests than he had and of course other friends he wanted to hang out with, but still… Satoshi had promised him to be always there, and he was unhappy about the lie, because deep inside, it felt like Satoshi had lied to him. 

But for now, he didn’t want to think of that but win this game. He was sure that he had figured out the riddles slowly he was just not entirely sure just yet. 

“Your turn Kazu, what do you want to do?” Mamoru asked. He had an amused twinkle in his eyes as he looked at Kazu who nibbled at his lips. His eyes wandered back up to figure out how many times he was still allowed to move his figure and how far it was for the next oracle. He looked back at his paper with the scribbled notes, and then his eyes lightened up. Maybe his hunch was right and if not it might give him just the last idea he needed to win this game. 

“I move!” he decided then and moved the figure two spaces to the front, sitting a bit straighter, as he watched the others do their rounds. He just needed two more steps forward to reach the oracle and hoped nobody would be able to put anything in front of him. 

Satoshi beside him was mumbling lowly as he made scribbles on his paper. It was clear that he had no idea yet about his card, and he felt a bit bad for the older boy, but then he remembered that he was still mad at him and looked away again. 

He presented his father with his guessing card, brimming in excitement as his father schooled his expression not to give any away as he checked his guesses and put down the numbers very slowly. “Papa!” he whined when he checked the theories over again. 

Mamoru chuckled and gave him the card back. “So with that, I suppose you are the Jade King,” he said, and Kazu cried out in joy. He jumped to his feet and did a little dance. 

“I won, I got it right,” he sang, giggling when he fell over his feet and on Mamoru’s lap who ruffled his hair. 

“So, you did. How did you like the game? I played it when I was your age.”

“It’s fun, but also complicated,” he said with a pout. “But I want to play it again.”

“Then we can put it down as a fixed game for these nights, okay?”

“Yay,” he cheered and sat down back at his place when the others giggled at his antics as they cleaned the game away before Satoshi was allowed to choose the next game. He munched on some of the popcorn his other had made freshly for tonight. They were allowed all the junk food and sweet drinks they usually were not allowed to have and alone because of that he was totally okay with their game nights. He loved it.

— 

“Sato-nii?”

“Yes, what is it Kazu?” Satoshi asked as he stretched out his back. He looked at the boy who was looking a bit nervous at him, but also like he has set his mind to whatever it was. 

“I got chocolates for Valentine’s Day!”

Satoshi stiffened slightly but nodded. “I see, congratulations? But I hope you have eaten them so far? It has almost been a month?”

Kazu pouted but nodded after a moment, his cheeks slightly pink as he stared down at the floor. He intertwined his fingers and shuffled his feet as he peaked up at him. 

Satoshi took a calming breath as he watched his very adorable brother and his reaction. 

“They were good,” Kazu said in a whisper. 

“And why are you telling me that?”

“What can you give them back?” he asked in a rush. It was the first time he had gotten some other than his sister, and he really didn’t know what to do now as to give something back. 

“It depends.”

“Depends on what?” Kazu was looking up with big curious eyes and Satoshi bit the inside of his cheek softly, before sighing. 

“If you like her or not.”

“She’s nice,” Kazu said the blush intensifying and it hurt to see the other reacting that way, but he had to buckle up. He was his little brother after all, and it was a very exciting thing for Kazu. One of those things that were hard but that Satoshi, of course, wanted to share with him. 

“Then we shall think of something to make sure she knows you like her back, right?”

Kazu brightened up and hugged him around the neck. “Thank you, Sato-nii! Asking mama was embarrassing. We need to get the best thing, yes?”

“Of course.”

—

“I can’t believe you decided to stop your education,” Kazu breathed as they stood outside after the ceremony. Keiko had taken a few pictures of Satoshi alone and then group shots of different people in it. 

“I was never as bright as you or Nee-san,” Satoshi said with a chuckle. He was actually rather happy with his decision and of course overly delighted that his parents had supported him. He had been so scared that his father would be disappointed especially with all the other things going on, but just like Keiko Mamoru had not batted an eyelid as he had hugged Satoshi and told him that everything was going to work out in the end.

“You are not dumb!” Kazu grumbled as he glared at him. 

Satoshi smiled and ruffled his hair. It was cute how Kazu was still protective of him, especially when it came down to things like that. And he didn’t stop in front of anybody. 

“I didn’t say that. I just never enjoyed studying as much as you and Nee-san.”

Kazu nodded and giggled. “That’s because you are lazy,” he grinned.

Satoshi tweaked his nose but agreed as he pinched his cheek, enjoying the giggling mess that Kazu was. 

“Boys, calm down. We should go to the restaurant. I’m sure the others are already waiting for us.”

Kazu’s face closed down a little bit at the mention of the rest of their family waiting for them. He enjoyed spending time with all of his grandparents, but it meant that his aunt would be there as well as his cousin. And somehow they always had sharp remarks about his behaviour - it was never good enough for them - and his cousin ever bullied him. 

He looked up in surprise as Satoshi’s arm closed around his shoulders and smiled down at him. “Let’s go, right? I know that they have the most delicious hamburger.”

“Hamburgers are childish,” Kazu said as he wrinkled his nose and kicked a little stone away. 

“Not if you love it. How can food be childish? Does it wear funny masks and sing songs?”

Kazu giggled and shook his head. “But it would be fun, right? Do you think they would do dances as well?”

“Maybe? How would a hamburger dance look like?” Satoshi asked, smiling when Kazu hummed in thought and then made a few dance moves, singing a made-up song about hamburgers. 

Satoshi grinned as he saw the happy face of his brother and was really happy that he was able to comfort him with little touches like that so easily. He looked at his parents, feeling warm when they smiled back at them proudly.

Satoshi sneaked into Kazu’s room in the night. He knew it was not right, but he couldn’t help himself. He was careful as not to wake up his parents or Kazu and looked at the sleeping boy for a moment. 

He sighed and felt better as he saw how peaceful Kazu looked. He had been nervous the whole dinner and close to tears as their aunt had made some stupid comments. And Satoshi always was scared that that vile woman would let slip out that Kazu was adopted and not their real relative. He didn’t know what he would have done then, but Satoshi supposed that it helped that their grandparents had warned her that she would be excluded from their will if she mentioned anything rather early. 

“You’re so very strong, Kazu,” he whispered, holding out his hand to caress his cheek. But he stopped just before his fingertips would touch the soft skin. Kazu let out a shaky breath in his sleep murmuring, and for a moment Satoshi feared that the other would wake up and see him, but he didn’t. He moved his hand away and made sure the blanket was still covering Kazu. He then walked over to Kazu’s desk and put a button inside one of the drawers. Somehow it felt right to give it to Kazu and nobody else.

—

“You’re going to be home then, right?”

“Of course, it’s Kazu’s birthday. He even gave me an invitation because he was so excited about his calligraphy classes.”

“I need you home the day after as well, Satoshi.”

Satoshi grimaced but nodded. “You’re going to tell him?”

“Yes, we can’t wait forever, and we wanted to wait until he is 14. Waiting for too long after that day will just hurt him.”

“It will hurt either way.”

“Yes, I know that, Satoshi,” Keiko said with a frown. She wished never to have to tell Kazu anything, but that would be unfair. “I don’t want to hurt him. But if his birth mother asked about him, they might give her information because of his age. I want to be the one to tell him.”

“Why do I have to be there?” Satoshi asked. He wanted to be there for Kazu of course, at the same time though he didn’t want to see the betrayal in Kazu. 

“Because he loves you, Satoshi. You are his big brother that he trusts. If he gets upset with us, it might help him if you are there to turn to for him.”

Satoshi sighed and took a deep breath. “Okay, I can do that, I think,” he whispered, closing his eyes for a second before opening them again and looking at his mother. “But I’m sure he’ll be fine. He knows your love for him is honest.”

“Hopefully,” she mumbled, nibbling at her lower lip. Satoshi sighed and hugged her tightly. He could just imagine how hard it was on Keiko. His parents had always thought about telling Kazu and when the right time would be, but somehow something always happened or the time didn’t seem to be right so that he could understand her fear, but he was very sure that Kazu would be understanding. After all, Kazu had already forgiven him for behaving awfully to him before.


	21. Chapter 21

Ohno woke up early the day after Kazu’s birthday. He stared a the ceiling for a while, with a little smile as he remembered the sparkle in Kazu’s eyes as his whole family was there and celebrated him. Of course, the presents they had gotten him were also a big reason for him to be that happy. It had its peaks to be the baby of the family Ohno supposed with a small chuckle. Neither he nor Mina were making presents themselves or have to get something with the little pocket money they had. 

He then sighed and rolled out of bed, as he remembered that they had pampered Kazu more than usual yesterday because of what they were going to tell him today. 

He rubbed his face and walked downstairs when he could hear someone from the kitchen. He smiled softly as he saw their mother washing down the kitchen counters. 

“Morning, mum. Have you already cooked everything we had in the fridge?” he asked as he kissed her cheek. 

She huffed and hit him softly on top of the head. “Brat.”

“Sorry, but when you are nervous, you tend to do such things.”

She sighed and pressed her eyes close before folding the hand towel she had used to dry the counter. 

“How long have you been awake?” he asked, looking at the sumptuous breakfast she had already prepared and the meals for the rest of the weeks lunches that were put away in containers to cool down. 

“Three hours.”

He paled slightly. “Have you ever gone to bed and sleep?”

She shrugged and turned around to look at Satoshi. Ohno watched her with a fond look as he saw the worry in Keiko’s eyes. 

“Kazu is strong,” he whispered. “He won’t turn his back on you, mum. He loves you too much for that.”

“He will be so hurt. I never wanted to hurt any of you, and he was such a small, vulnerable boy when we got him,” she whispered, staring through the door behind Satoshi, making sure to keep the stairs in her sight to make sure Kazu was not coming down the stairs. “He was so scared. I just fell in love with him. He is such a sweet child.”

“He is,” Ohno agreed with a sigh. “He is such a wonderful human being, and it’s thanks to you.” It had gotten more comfortable for him to say those things about his brother, even if it still stung because he knew he was never allowed to love him outwardly as he did inwardly right now. 

“But…”

“Yes, he will be shocked, he will be hurt, but he will come to understand why you did what you did and why you wouldn’t want to tell him earlier. He is smart and level minded if given the possibility. He might run away first, though to sort out his thoughts.”

“I fear that. I hope he would go with you.”

“He might, but he might also ask if I knew and I won’t lie to him then.”

Keiko nodded in understanding, stroking his cheek as she saw the same fear she felt hiding in his eyes. “He is strong,” she then agreed. “And I called the parents of his friends so that they’ll be warned. But…”

“If he runs out I will follow him to make sure he arrives safely,” Ohno promised with a grin, chuckling when she finally relaxed slightly. 

“Then you probably should go take a shower.”

“Uhn, try not to rearrange the cabinets?”

“Brat go now!” she ordered as she shushed him. Ohno giggled softly as he retreated to leave for the shower and to get ready so that he could leave if needed.

—

“Kazu can you come down for a minute?” Keiko called the boy after she had cleaned the kitchen after breakfast, and the rest had left her alone. 

She had tried to tell herself that she should tell Kazu on another day. The boy had been talking all about the fun game he had gotten from his grandparents the day before, but she knew she shouldn’t keep it from him longer. 

“A minute, mama!” he yelled down, and she rolled her eyes but agreed, looking at Mamoru who smiled and kissed her temple. 

“It’ll be fine,” he promised.

“I hope so,” she whispered and leant against him for a second until they could hear Kazu running down the stairs. 

“Mama, what is it? I want to build the dungeon poppa got me,” he said with a frown. 

“You can do that later. We need to tell you something. Sit down please?”

Kazu nodded as he sat on the sofa and blinked. “Did I do something wrong?” he asked in a small voice. “I didn’t start a fight or were naughty.”

“Oh, no, my sweet child. You were perfect and did nothing wrong,” Keiko said as she sat beside him. She sighed and took his hand in between her own. “It’s just something that Mamoru and I need to tell you. So please listen?”

Kazu nodded and stared at her with big eyes. His eyes wandered to Mamoru who smiled down at him and ruffled his hair but looked just as serious and slightly in pain as did Keiko. He wriggled nervously on the sofa staring at his hands in Keiko’s. Fear was creeping up in him Mand somehow he felt as if he needed to hold his ears close to whatever his parents would tell him now. 

Keiko sighed shakily and then met his eyes again. “First of, I want to tell you that you belong to us and that all of us love you very much,” she started, and he frowned a bit. His nose wrinkled as he nodded slowly with pursed lips. He was not so sure if Satoshi really still loved him as before, but then again, Keiko tried to make sure to tell him that Satoshi was growing up and wanted time for himself and Satoshi had said to him that he was the best brother in the world for him, so that had to mean that he still liked him. 

“But the truth is, sweet child, your father and I…” she stopped and closed her eyes, trying to come up with the right words. It was so hard to form the explanation in her head, regardless of what she had thought of during the night it sounded harsh, cruel and awful. Or it was in such a roundabout way that somehow made it seem even worse. 

“After Mina and Satoshi were born, papa and I talked about making our family perfect and wanting to share it with another child,” she started slowly, being careful as to not talk about her lost son, who she still mourned each year. Kazu didn’t need to know about that. She never wanted to make Kazu think he was just their second choice because they didn’t have another option. She still remembered his curious, and so hopeful eyes when they met for the very first time under the climbing frame all those years ago now and how she had known right then that Kazu belonged to their family. 

And now, of course, the thought of Kazu maybe not thinking of himself as their son, hurt so much. Keiko could feel him stiffen in her hold as he probably slowly worked out what she was talking about. She sighed and started again when she felt Mamoru setting down beside Kazu on the other side. She watched him stroke Kazu’s back softly, smiling shortly when that helped to relax the boy. 

“So we went to an orphanage because we wanted to adopt a child to join our family. Kazu, we chose you then. We met you there, and I fell directly in love with you, as did the rest of the family when they met you. Kazu shook slightly in their hold as he looked from one to the other and then back. 

“I’m not your son?” he asked in a small voice, fighting and losing against his tears as they run down his cheeks slowly. 

“Of course you are our son, Kazu,” Mamoru said before Keiko could even form the words. “God Kazu, you are our son; you were right from the beginning we brought you home.”

“He is right, Kazu, you are my sweet precious child. The same as Satoshi and Mina.”

“But they are your real children, I’m not,” he whispered, his voice choked up, tugging his hands away to wipe at his cheeks, sniffling and staring at them, one after the other, before he ended at his mother again. His mind was running wild. He didn’t understand how he ended up at an orphanage then, but he was scared to ask. 

As the tears got stronger while he tried hard to make sense of this all. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because you were still a child, Kazu. We never would want to hurt you. But we decided to tell you when you turn fourteen.”

“Why now?” he asked, still trying to stop his tears. 

“Because…” Keiko stopped and looked helplessly at Mamoru. 

“Because Kazu, you are growing up, we can’t keep this forever from you, and we already felt bad for not telling you sooner, but we wanted to shield you and you to grow up protected and hoped that over the years you got confident about your place here. We love you, and you are our son. We want you to know that. We have never seen you as anything as that.”

Kazu sniffled as he pressed his hands against his eyes and nodded. Still, it hurt not to be told until now and now to hear something like that. He shook his head when Keiko started to speak and jumped to his feet. “I need to think,” he decided and stormed upstairs. He ran to his room, closing the door behind him, surprised that he saw Satoshi sitting there, while at the same time it was somehow expected. 

“Sato-nii,” he cried out and threw himself into the arms of his big brother as Satoshi opened his arms for him. He cried against his chest as he curled up on his lap. Satoshi closed his arms around him and rocked him from side to side. 

“Here, here,” he whispered and pressed his lips against his hair, closing his eyes, as his heart broke for the pain his brother felt right now. “You’re okay, I promise, everything will be okay,” he whispered. 

“They lied to me,” he whispered. 

“No, they just didn’t want to worry you while you were still small,” he whispered. “They want to protect you, and if possible, they would want to hide forever that you are not their born child, Kazu. Mum and dad love you so much.”

“Still…” he whispered. “It hurts.”

“I know,” Satoshi sighed, lifting his chin to wipe his tears. “It hurts us all.”

“You knew about this all, right?” Kazu asked and looked up at him, realisation dawning on him, that Satoshi was not as shocked or surprised as he was. 

Satoshi looked pained as he nodded and rubbed his thumb over the red cheeks. “I did,” he whispered. “I remember clearly the day mum and dad finally brought you home, how happy I felt, how enthralled you looked around and also the fear you felt as you feared you dreamt it all and that it was not true. I also remember the happiness I felt when it got clear that you forgot about your life before and what you have lived through and only knew your beloved mama and papa as your parents.”

“Are they still alive? The woman and the man that…” Kazu stopped at a lost. He didn’t even know if he wanted to know that, but something in Satoshi’s word made him need to ask that, but he didn’t know how to call them. They weren’t his parents, that were Mamoru or Keiko, at least, they were the only ones he remembered. He frowned as he was not even sure anymore if he still could call them mama and papa it also seemed wrong. All seemed wrong, and very suddenly, he couldn’t breathe anymore. He struggled out of Satoshi’s embrace, feeling hurt and betrayed that even his brother had kept that from him. He was sure that Mina had as well and everybody else. At least that explained why his aunt hated him. 

“Kazu, breathe. Come on, you need to calm down,” Satoshi said, taking his face in his hands.

“I want out. I want… I don’t know I want to go!” he decided, turning around and leaving the room. He needed to get out. He ran back down, ignoring Mamoru and Keiko in the living room as he ran to the front and slipped on his shoes, before running out to the streets. It was raining slightly, and for Kazu, it seemed to fit his mood pretty well. He sniffed and rubbed the annoying tears from his eyes as he stepped onto the sidewalk. He stared at his feet as he walked. He just needed to get away. That was the only thing in his mind right away. At the same time, he didn’t want to be alone, he needed to talk to make sense of it all, and he couldn’t do that alone. He sniffled again as he realised he hadn’t brought his phone and stood at the crossing at the end of the street. It was only Jun or Aiba where he could go really. And even if Aiba were a great support, he would probably cry himself and be of no help, right now he needed someone to make sense. 

“Please be home,” he whispered to himself as he turned right to go all the way to the Matsumoto family home. By the time he was there, he was soaked and the shirt clang to his body, which didn’t help feeling comfortable for him. He wiped his face again, this time it was futile. He knew he was still crying, but since he was skin soaked, he just wiped more water to his face. He stared at the door, ringing the bell and hoping someone was home. 

He looked up when the door opened, and he was greeted by a very surprised and worried-looking Matsumoto-san, who ushered him in and sent him right to the bathroom before he could even form a reason to be there. 

“What happened to you?” Jun asked after they had silently made sure he was warm again, and the boys sat with warm drinks in Jun’s room. 

The tears that just had died down resurfaced at the question and the memory why he was here, to begin with.

Ohno sighed as he settled down in a waiting house for the bus and stared at the house where Kazu had just vanished inside. Somehow he was very happy that the boy had not crossed any streets since Kazu had not looked around even once going there. He pulled his phone to tell his parents that Kazu had arrived safely and decided to wait for the other to either come out again or his parents to call him that Kazu had called and wanted to stay over for the night. He just wasn’t able to leave without making sure Kazu was okay and safe. 

A/N: I hope this is not too awful.   
Also, I might update more irregular from next week on (hopefully not with a long break anymore), but I try to make the chapters longer then. But Real Life goes into the way of updating daily or each second day.


	22. Chapter 22

Jun hugged Kazu automatically as the other boy threw himself against him, sniffling and crying against his shoulders. It took a while until he calmed down again and Jun sighed in relief when Kazu moved back. He stared at his knees, clearly embarrassed about his outburst and rubbed his itchy eyes. 

Jun observed him for a moment, before clearing his throat and taking the wrist in his hand to stop Nino from further rubbing his eyes. “Stop it. You just make it worse that way.”

“Sorry,” Kazu mumbled, now staring at his clenched fist on top of his knees. He sighed tiredly, and Jun tugged him close again. He pulled and prodded Kazu until he was lying down, his head on his lap and patted his hair. His mother used to do it to him when he was sad as a little kid, and that was the only way he felt was okay to do right now. It was better than hugging at least. Kazu calmed down further and closed his surely hurting eyes. 

“We can get a cool towel for your eyes?” Jun offered, but Kazu shook his head. He didn’t want to move right now because he felt too comfortable right now and he really didn’t want to be left alone in Jun’s room, neither did he want to leave the room. 

“So what’s up with you? What happened? Did someone do something to you?” Jun asked, his brows furrowed, and his nose wrinkled. If someone would have hurt Kazu, he was sure that he would have run home to his family. He would only end up here if Jun were that much closer. “Shall I take you home?”

Kazu shook his head and sniffled. Jun stiffened slightly, fearing that Kazu would start crying again, sighing in relief when no tears came. “I don’t want to go home. They all lied to me,” he whispered, his voice broken and full of pain. Jun was surprised, and somehow his heart hurt to see the other boy like that. Kazu had always talked brightly and happily when it came to his family. He knew how much Kazu loved his parents, and he also knew that Kazu’s parents loved their children. So it was strange to see Kazu like that when he talked about his family. 

“What did they do? Do I need to tell mom? Did they hurt you?”

“They didn’t hit me or something,” Kazu said, glaring at him. “Stop thinking that they would hit me or something. They would never.”

“Hey, it’s not my fault. You said they are liars, and you don’t want to go home, and you are here crying! What else should I think? Why did they lie to you? And about what?”

Kazu blew air out with a groan and hid his face behind his hands. Jun stared down at him, but let him be as he realised that he didn’t start rubbing his eyes again. “They are not my family?”

“Huh? Of course, they are,” Jun said, and Kazu shook his head.

“Are not. They told me that they are not my birth parents. I’m not their real son. They adopted me when I was young,” he said in a tiny voice, and Jun had problems understanding him at all. It took a moment for him to understand the implications of his words, and his eyes widened in surprise. 

“What?”

“They adopted me. I’m not their son,” he cried again, pressing his hands against his face. He couldn’t help himself, and it hurt so much to think that he didn’t belong with them. Not truly, at least. 

Jun blinked a moment in shock, trying to understand the words and make sense of them. The Ohno’s were so loving with all three of their children that he would never have thought that one of them didn’t belong to them like the rest. But somehow he also could see it. Kazu did look different from the rest. His face was thinner, and all Ohno’s had long graceful hands, Kazu’s was relatively small, which he only knew because Kazu whined about it so often. 

“They told you that?” Jun asked as he found his voice and Kazu nodded mutely. Jun took his hands in his own so that he wouldn’t rub his eyes and then put his hand on top of Kazu’s eyes so that he would hold them close. 

“This morning. I came here right away.”

“Why not Masaki?”

“Because Masa would just cry,” Kazu mumbled. 

Jun giggled but nodded in agreement. “Sounds like him.”

Nino sighed and bit his lips. “It hurts,” he whispered, his voice again so very small and Jun felt just overwhelmed. He didn’t know what to say or do to help Kazu. He wished he could. 

“That they adopted you?”

Kazu shook his head and then nodded before he shrugged helplessly. “I’m not their son.”

“You are,” Jun argued, and Kazu pulled off his hand to glare up at him. 

“I’m not. I told you they adopted me.”

“And that still means you are an Ohno. They adopted you, they chose and made you their son, because they wanted to,” he said softly. “They raised you, right?”

Kazu nodded very slowly and stared at him with a slightly opened mouth and a wrinkled forehead as he thought it over. 

“They made you their son. They are your mum and dad, they love you, your siblings love you, and you love them.”

“But they are not my real parents,” Kazu said stubbornly, and Jun sighed with a small frown on his face. His mind wandered back to a conversation he had with his parents about adoption and children and parents that couldn’t take care of their children. Jun had found the book on his bed, and slowly he realised that his parents must have known. They didn’t just get him that book because they thought it was something he should know in general. 

It had been an interesting conversation, and he tried to remember what they had talked about. “Mum and dad told me that it’s easy to get a child, but not easy to be a parent and that those are two different things. I didn’t understand what they meant,” he whispered. 

“I don’t get it,” Kazu said with a pout.

“That’s only because you are too stubborn to think about what I say,” he said with a grin and tweaked Kazu’s nose. He was just happy that Kazu was not crying anymore. 

“Am not. I’m stupid.”

“You’re not,” Jun disagreed. “Anyway, what I mean is that your parents are your parents. They love you, they raised you, they comfort you when you are sad, they care for you when you are ill or hurt. That is what parents do. That is what people do that love you. It doesn’t matter if they are your real mum and dad or not. The things that matter are the things that they do. They love you, Kazu. You are their son. I’m sure they never want to hurt you or lie to you.”

“But they did.”

“Did they really, Kazu?”

“They always told me I’m their son.”

“And you are in their eyes you are, in my eyes you are, and I’m sure Masaki will say the same and our parents and our teachers and anybody you ask because they raised you. And did they really lie? Did they tell you that you were in your mum’s belly? That they birthed you?”

Kazu shook his head and stared to the side as he thought the words over. “No,” he said slowly. “But they never said so about Satoshi or Mina as well. And they are their children.”

“Really? Never any birthing stories? Any stories about when they were infants or something like that? Mum loves to tell me that I had a big head, and how they knew I was going to have a strong character because of my eyebrows I had just right after birth,” he snorted. “I’m sure there are embarrassing stories about your siblings as well.”

Kazu thought about it for a while and then nodded very slowly. There were some stories about those early days for Mina and Satoshi. Never about him. His stories started when he was already a toddler. He had just never questioned it. 

“See? They didn’t lie to you.”

“But they didn’t tell me earlier,” he whispered.

“Of course not. They are scared, Kazu, I’m sure of it.”

“Why?”

“Because they love you, I told you. They are scared that you would hate them, I’m sure of that. I would fear that at least. And they don’t want you to feel unloved, or like you don’t belong. I’m sure they waited until they were sure you are old enough to understand those things.”

“Do you think they hate me?” Kazu asked in a small voice, and Jun shook his head. 

“I think they never would be able to hate you,” he said with a smile. “And especially not because you ran away, ne? I’m sure they are worried. I’m sure your mum is crying and waiting for you to be home to make sure you are safe.”

“You really think so?”

“Yup, and I think you are a fortunate boy, and you shouldn’t think that you didn’t belong to them, Kazu. They choose you. That’s something else than being born into a family. That happens automatically; being adopted means that they loved you so much that they wanted you to belong to their family.”

Kazu nodded, and a tiny smile played on his lips at that thought. That was a nice thought, thinking that he was chosen and not that he was given away. 

“Do you think that woman hates me?”

“I don’t know. Mum and dad told me that there are sometimes circumstances that make it impossible for women to raise their children and that they give them into adoption in hopes for a better future, even if it hurts them to leave their beloved child. I can’t tell why your mother gave you away, but you really shouldn’t think of the worst right away.”

“What do you mean?”

“Maybe she was young? Maybe she felt inadequate to be a mother, maybe she was ill or had no money? I really don’t know. I think you should ask your parents if you want to know.”

Kazu wrinkled his nose and sighed. “I don’t know…”

“You don’t have to decide now. I’m sure your parents will talk to you about it even if you want to know more on a later date. I’m pretty sure it’s not a one-time conversation.”

“You think so?”

“Yes, your parents don’t run away from problems.”

“They always tell us not to do so,” Kazu agreed and groaned as he closed his itchy eyes. He sat up and rubbed his face. “I’m stupid right? Because I ran away?”

“No, you are hurt and confused. We do stupid things when we are confused, but that doesn’t mean we are,” he said with pursed lips. “At least that’s what dad tells me. It would be best if you drank something, mum brought tea. I’m sure it’s cold now, though.”

“It’s fine,” Kazu mumbled taking the cup with a small frown as he drank it. Tea was better when it was warm, but it was bearable,” he decided as he finished the cup in one go. 

“Can I stay for a while?”

“Yes, but you should call your parents. I’m sure they are worried.”

“I’m sure your mum called mama.”

“Maybe, but still,” Jun said, poking him. “Or are you scared?”

“No!” Kazu mumbled, but he was blushing as he pulled out his phone and stared at it for a moment, instead of calling he wrote a message, pointedly not looking at Jun’s lifted eyebrow as he read the answer about being careful and telling her if he wanted to stay overnight.

They stayed for a while longer in Jun’s room, Kazu hiding away when Jun brought them new drinks and some cookies to nibble on. He was still deep in thought, and when Jun’s mother called them for dinner, he decided it was time to go home. He knew that staying overnight would be okay, but he didn’t want to do that. That would feel even more like running away. He thanked them for letting him stay the day and Jun’s mother for drying his clothes. 

Nino stepped out of the house, frowning as he realised that it was still raining. He rubbed his face and stepped out to the street, confused when the rain suddenly stopped. 

“Sato-nii,” he whispered in surprise when he saw his brother beside him, staring down warmly at him. 

“Hey Kazu, let’s go home?”

Kazu nodded silently as he stayed close to his big brother, surprised that he was here, but he was not questioning it. “Are you mad, Sato-nii?”

“No, never.”

“I’m sorry I ran away.”

“It’s fine, but you should apologise to mum and dad later, ne? They are worried.”

Kazu nodded silently as he fidgeted slightly beside his big brother. He was scared about what awaited him at home. Satoshi watched him before sighing softly. He carefully put the umbrella into his other hand, making sure it was still covering mostly Kazu as he put an arm around his shoulder and hugged him close. “It’ll be okay, I promise,” he whispered into his ear. 

Kazu looked up and nodded again. “You stay?”

“I’ll be there, and I’m sure Mi-nee will be home as well when we arrive. And grandma and grandpa are going to give you an extra big hug next time you see them.”

“Our aunt will sneer at me.”

“She is an old hag,” Satoshi snorted. “She doesn’t count. You are much more an Ohno than she or her son can ever be,” he promised.

Kazu giggled but smiled a little bit brighter at those words.


	23. Chapter 23

Kazu was still fidgeting as they came closer to their home and walked even more slowly with each step. Satoshi sighed and hugged him tightly for a second. “Kazu,” he started, watching as Kazu almost jumped in shock before he turned around and stared at him with wide eyes. 

“Yes?”

Satoshi smiled and ruffled his hair fondly. “What is going on in that head of yours? Are you scared of going home?”

“Did I hurt mama and papa?”

“No, maybe a little bit. But Kazu, they know that it hurt you a lot to hear that you were adopted and they understand that you ran away from home. They are mostly worried about you, okay? They are scared that you are going to hate them or don’t want to be with us anymore. 

“But they are my family,” Kazu whispered in a small voice. That he had understood after he had talked with Jun. They were his family and would forever stay his family. “Right? You are my family, right? You don’t think of me as an outsider?”

“Never. You are my cute little brother that I love very much,” Satoshi agreed and hugged him, smiling when Kazu giggled a little bit when he tickled him. “For mum and dad, you are their beloved son, with whom they sat when you were ill and for whom they only wish the very very best.”

“You sure?”

“Of course. Did I ever lie to you about such things?”

Kazu stared at him and for a second Satoshi feared that Kazu saw through his lies about him just loving him like a little brother, but then the other shook his head. “No.”

“And I would never tell you lies just to hurt you, I promise,” Satoshi whispered and rubbed his cheeks. “I would take you out for dinner, but with all the worry in your head, you wouldn’t manage a bite. And I think it would be unfair to our parents who want you to be home and hug you, I’m sure. So let me take you home, okay? And if we continue in this snail’s pace, I will pick you up and carry you home,” he threatened him teasingly. Kazu giggled and stared at him with big eyes.

“You would never.”

Satoshi smirked as he stopped walking and pushed the umbrella into Kazu’s hand, who blinked but took it automatically. Then the boy squealed loudly as with a swift movement Satoshi picked him up princess style. He wriggled in Satoshi’s arms who mock-glared at him. 

“Stay still, or I’ll let you fall, or we both fall,” he scolded, and Kazu blushed but stayed still. “Hold the umbrella above us both, okay?”

“Okay,” Kazu agreed and held on his shoulder slightly as he balanced the umbrella as not to hurt Satoshi accidentally. “But I can also walk on my own, you know?”

“I know, but you are scared of going home. This is easier and faster.”

“I’m hungry.”

“Did you eat at your friend’s home?”

Kazu shook his head but then shrugged. “We got cookies from Jun’s mother. But I left before they had dinner, I didn’t want to disturb them.”

“I’m sure you wouldn’t have disturbed them Kazu.”

“Do you think mama told Jun? He said really smart things.”

“You went to Jun-kun because you were sure he would say smart things, right? And I don’t think mum told him. But I’m sure he told the parents of your close friends just so that they would be home.”

“Mama really thought about it a lot, right?”

“Of course. She would never say such things lightly,” Satoshi explained.

“Mhmm… I went to J because he is logical. Masa would have indulged me and cried with me,” he mumbled. 

“I see. You have great friends then Kazu. A good mix.”

“Right,” Kazu said and sighed. “Do you think mama had cooked dinner?”

“I’m sure. She always cooks or bakes when she is nervous or worried, ne?”

“Uhn,” Kazu said with a small smile, even if it was painful to think that he worried his mother that much, but he couldn’t help it.

— 

“We are home!” Satoshi yelled as he put Kazu down and took the umbrella to put it to the side. He took off his shoes and gestured for Kazu to do the same. The chance that Kazu would take off again was less that way. 

“Welcome back,” their mother answered and came to the entry. Satoshi watched Kazu look up sharply as he heard her and smiled softly when he took in Keiko who wrung her hands nervously. 

“Mama,” Kazu choked on a sob and without even caring much about his shoes he ran over and threw himself into her arms. Keiko hugged him tightly and rocked him from side to side as loud sobs echoed in the hallway. “I’m sorry I ran away.”

“It’s okay, my sweet child. You are home now,” she whispered and pressed her face against his hair to hide her tears. Satoshi grinned a second as he carefully manoeuvred his body into their home to walk to the living room and hopefully warm up. 

“Is he okay?” Mamoru asked, halfway up and halfway still seated since he knew that this moment was for Kazu and his wife and that he didn’t want to interrupt them, while at the same time wanted to take Kazu in his arms to make sure he was okay. 

“Yes,” Satoshi hummed. “Famished it seems and scared about how you will think of him, but he is otherwise just fine.”

The man sighed in relief, smiling fondly at the words and rubbed his face. “Your mother made an enormous dinner.”

“Great,” Satoshi decided and rubbed his hands against each other. He sighed and went to his room. For a second, he threw himself on the bed to just breath and relaxed again at the thought that Kazu was home also and not mad at any of them. He had been so scared about that even if he tried his best to hide it. He groaned as he pulled off his slightly wet shirt and put on another one before getting a sweatshirt for Kazu and going down again. He could stay strong until Kazu slept; he was sure of it. 

When he came back down, he smiled as he saw that Kazu was now in his father’s arm still sobbing slightly, but his father was whispering to him softly and slowly, but surely Kazu was calming down again. He put the sweatshirt down beside them and then went over to the kitchen where he could hear his mother rummaging. 

“Are you alright, sweetheart?” Keiko asked the moment he stepped in, tasting the sauce for the hamburger steak she had prepared and he shrugged slightly. 

“I will be,” he decided after a moment of silence. “It was a scare.”

She sighed and waved him over. He went without complaints sighing when she hugged him with one arm. “It was for us all. Thank you for looking after him.”

“Of course,” he whispered. “He is my little brother after all,” he added. He sighed at those words since they seemed hollow and not enough, but he knew that this was what Kazu needed. An older brother to lean on, to trust and to protect him and he would be that for Kazu. He had already made the mistake as he tried to distance himself entirely from Kazu, but he now saw and understood that he couldn’t do that to Kazu. It was hurting them both too much.

“I’m sorry, Satoshi,” his mother whispered, and he shook his head as he looked up with a small, painful smile. 

“It’s fine. I knew that from the beginning. I just can’t seem to run away even if I really would prefer that.”

“Running away never helped.”

Satoshi nodded in agreement and pressed himself closer to her, smiling when she dropped a kiss on top of his hair. 

“But I know we raised you well and strong. Today just showed us again. I trust you to find your way,” she mumbled, and he hoped fervently she was right. He looked up when his brother came in, chuckling when Kazu ran over, his eyes were red, but there was excitement in his eyes at the prospect of his favourite foods and Satoshi easily allowed him to collide with his body as he hugged him as well. When Mina came two hours later, she was tackled in another hug by their little brother who needed the physical closeness to make sure they really felt like he belonged in their family. 

The weekend was filled with visits from their grandparents who each, in turn, coddled Kazu to make sure he felt as if he belonged and Satoshi was pretty sure that there was no way that any child would have ever felt more loved than his little brother and of course he was very happy for him. He couldn’t even tease him about being jealous. But he was sure when Sunday evening rolled up, and they were alone again so that he could go back into his room and just breath. 

He sighed when there was a hesitant knock on his door and forced a smile on his face as he allowed the other person to come in. 

“Sato-nii,” Kazu whispered, and he nodded. 

“Yes, what is it Kazu?”

“Can I sleep in your room? Just tonight.” He stood there, tugging at his fingers as he always did when he was nervous, tippling from one foot to the other and stared down at the floor as he waited for an answer. 

Satoshi frowned for a second as it was nothing they usually did. Not anymore at least. They shared one room a lot when Kazu had been younger and didn’t want to sleep alone why ever but they left that behind as Kazu got older, bad dreams got less and accidents didn’t happen again. On the one hand, Satoshi could understand Kazu’s wish as not to stay alone; on the other hand, he knew that it would be hard for him to have Kazu stay over mostly because there was no logical explanation for them not to share a bed. 

“Don’t you want to stay with mum and dad if you can’t sleep alone?”

Kazu blushed and shook his head. “Not tonight. I tried to sleep, but can’t. My thoughts are running all strangely,” he explained with pursed lips. “I don’t know why. Mama and Papa would ask.”

“Oh, and I don’t?”

Kazu shook his head and smiled shyly. “You are just there. You don’t try to make it all better but wait until it is.”

“I can’t follow your thoughts,” Satoshi said with a small chuckle and stood as he ruffled his hair. It had been clear from the beginning after all that he would never decline Kazu that wish. “But I’m not tired yet. I wanted to draw something, so you will have to sleep while the light is on, alright?”

Kazu’s eyes shone as he nodded and turned around to get a second cushion and his old trusted bunny toy that he usually never took to bed with him, but right now it was comforting him. Satoshi hid a small smirk at sight and watched as Kazu made himself comfortable right against the wall so that Satoshi didn’t have to climb over him. 

“Good night, Sato-nii.”

“Just tonight, remember, ne?”

“Uhn,” Kazu said his eyes still bright but clear, and Satoshi smiled as he caressed his hair. 

“Then good-night, little brother,” he whispered, enjoying the happy smile on Kazu’s face at that term and soon after he closed his eyes. Satoshi forced himself to stood and left to sit down at his desk, trying hard not to do the creepy thing and draw Kazu’s peaceful sleeping face as he drew whatever comic characters came to his mind. Everything to just think of something else, he thought.


	24. Chapter 24

“Put that away,” Jun groaned and hit Kazu’s shoulder. Kazu looked up from his game and frowned. “Come on. If you wanted to play games, you could have gone home,” he snorted. 

“Just a minute, let me get to the saving point.” 

“If you don’t turn it off, then I will hit you and take it away. I don’t care about the progress you made.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Kazu said, kicking his thigh. “Go and help Masaki. Otherwise, he will never escape his parents.”

“I’m pretty sure his parents would chase him out of the kitchen.”

“He might be damaged then,” Kazu said with a smirk. “And I might have mentioned you will go and help him carry the drinks and snacks. He might pout if you don’t.”

“You are a brat.”

“And you know it,” Kazu giggled and kicked him again slightly.

Jun grumbled but got to his feet to go down and vanish down the stairs to the kitchen of the restaurant to help Aiba carry the stuff he had promised them for after school.

By the time they were back in the room, Kazu had turned off his game console and was sitting on the head of Aiba’s bed, and the legs stretched out in front of him. Aiba put his tray down on the cupboard beside the bed and pulled the chair from his desk over so that Jun could put his tray on it. He then fell to the bed and put his head on Kazu’s lap. 

Kazu grumbled and moved his legs so that Aiba’s head was bumping up and down. But the other didn’t even react, so Kazu gave up pretty soon. 

“Why did you drag us here?”

“You came on your own,” Aiba protested.

“Because you promised food.”

“And I brought food. Don’t be a brat.”

2As if he can help that,” Jun said as he sat on the feet of the bed cross-legged. 

“Hey, I can hear you.”

“And what do you want to do against that, shrimp.”

Kazu stared at him for a second before he started to laugh. “You do realise that I’m bigger, right?”

“I will be soon bigger than you.”

“Sure,” Kazu snorted. “I will always be the biggest between us all,” he grinned then and groaned when Jun pinched his toe. 

“What is wrong with you two?”

“J is jealous because I can beat him in every game.”

“Not true,” Jun grumbled. “He is just annoying. Always boasting about being the best.”

Aiba looked from one to the other and then hummed. “Well, whatever,” he decided, sitting up so that he could reach for the chocolate on the chair and put it in his mouth. 

“Maki-chan confessed to me today,” Aiba said after a moment of silence. He blushed a deep red when Jun choked on the tea he was drinking, and Kazu looked up from where he was eating one of the crackers Jun had brought up. 

“What?”

“Really? I don’t believe you.”

“Really,” Aiba said as he pouted and shoved a giggling Kazu almost off the bed. Kazu shrieked but then managed to keep a hold on the blanket before he could fall.

“What did you answer her?” Jun asked a bit more seriously than Kazu had. 

Aiba blushed even more, and Kazu lifted his eyebrow. 

“Do you like her?” He gasped, and Jun stared a bit surprised at Kazu. 

“You didn’t know?”

“Did Masaki tell you, but not me?” Kazu asked a bit offended, staring from one to the other. 

“No, but I’m not blind. He is very obvious with it.”

“Am not,” Aiba said but hid his face behind his hands. 

“Eh?” Kazu said in wonder, staring at them but now a bit more alert. “Do you like someone else well?”

“Me?” Jun asked, and Kazu nodded curiously. 

“We are here to talk about my problem here,” Aiba said with a pout. 

“Which problem?” Kazu asked, staring at him with a frown. “You like her. She likes you. Of course, you would go out with her, right?”

“I can’t!” Aiba shrieked. 

“Why not?”

“What if she wants to kiss me?”

Kazu wrinkled his nose at the thought. “Why would she do that?”

The other two were looking at him suddenly, and he blinked at them. “What?”

“Kazu, do you have a crush on anybody?”

“No? Why should I?”

“Don’t you like girls?”

Kazu shrugged and hummed in thought. “I have never thought about them like that. Why should I? I’m busy with keyboard and guitar lessons and baseball. And studies, and, and stuff... As should you, by the way. You almost got an F at the last test!”

“Well, I can do better on the next. My parents weren’t too mad.”

“Not true,” Jun snorted. “You had house arrest for a week.”

“Not true! They lifted it after a day.”

“Because you were whining so much,” Kazu chuckled. 

Aiba shrugged and grinned. Maybe that was one reason, but not the main reason. 

“Stop trying to avoid the topic,” Jun said with a giggle. “Is our little Kazu still icky with girls?”

“Aww, don’t you worry you will get there as well,” Aiba chimed in, and Kazu rolled his eyes as he shoved Aiba away. 

“Am not.”

“So there IS a girl you like,” Jun said with a grin. 

“Is there a girl you like?” Kazu asked as he stared at him with a glare. 

Jun blushed just a bit, but he was still meeting his eyes with. “Yes.”

“What?! Who?” Kazu asked with big eyes. He felt his heart accelerate as he realised that both of his friends had a crush on a girl while he still had no explicit interest in girls. They were fine, mostly, some were annoying, and he would never get their joy in some stupid things, but now he tried to come up with someone he would like because he knew that the other two would not let up now. 

“Mao-chan,” Jun answered, and Kazu’s mouth fell open. The two had argued almost all of last year, and Jun had more than once grumbled about how stupid she was. But now that he thought of it, they had argued less, and Jun had tried to be nicer to her. Kazu had thought that maybe Jun had seen her cry or something and felt terrible.

“Mao-chan?”

“Yup, she’s great. And she is now smiling at me. I’m sure she will fall for me as well.”

“Wohoo, you can do it,” Aiba cheered and giggled when Jun blushed. 

“God, why are you so loud and excited today, Masaki?” Kazu asked, staring at the other. Aiba was usually excitable and high in energy, but today it was terrible. He poked him and glared. “And what about you? Why cheer on Jun when you are too scared to tell a girl you like, and that confessed that you like her.”

“She thrust the letter into my hands and ran away before I read it,” Aiba defended himself. “So I asked you to come and help me think of an answer.”

“So we should help you,” Kazu decided sitting on his legs and stared at him intently. Maybe Jun would let upon him for the moment that way.

“But… I can’t just tell her.”

“Of course you can. Tell her to meet you somewhere and then tell her,” Kazu said with a shrug. “It’s easy right?”

Aiba was still blushing as he looked down at his fingers. “I can’t talk when I see her,” he whispered in the end. 

Kazu frowned at those words, not understanding what he meant. But then he remembered how Aiba was shy naturally around strangers maybe it had to do with that? But then again, Aiba knew Maki-chan. They had already talked to each other even!

“You could write her a letter?”

“That would feel like copying her,” Aiba mumbled.

“And his writing is a mess,” Kazu piqued up, smiling in apology as Aiba looked at him slightly hurt. “Sorry, but it’s the truth. If you like her, you should tell her directly. And I’m sure she would be as nervous as you are so it’ll be fine.”

Aiba whined slightly but then couldn’t help but agree. “Where should I tell her?”

“Somewhere close to school, but private. You could ask her to meet you after school at the bike stands?”

“I can’t walk up to her!” Aiba shrieked, and Kazu cringed. 

“Kazu or I can tell her to meet you,” Jun explained, and Kazu nodded in agreement.

“Okay…” Aiba said slowly and staring at them, still nervous but a bit more calmer. “And when she wants to kiss? I have never kissed anybody!”

“I’m sure Maki-chan hasn’t either.” 

“But what if she has? I don’t want to look dumb in front of her.”

Kazu bit his tongue before he could tell Aiba that that would be a challenging task. He didn’t want to hurt Aiba for real, and he had understood that the other had an awful time right now and he wanted to be a supporting friend. But he was horrible at staying serious. Girls-things were just so silly, he thought.

“Even if she has she wouldn’t want to kiss you right away,” Jun said after a while of silence. “You wait a few days at least.”

“You sure?”

“Yes, I am. My sister said so. She said that boys that want to kiss her right away are iffy and she would break up right away and that she would hit me if I force kisses on any girl right away. So I think you really shouldn’t.”

“Uhn, Mi-nee mentioned about a strange boy that was too over her? I didn’t understand, but Sato-nii got mad, and papa got mad as well. So I think that’s bad,” Kazu agreed as he remembered the loud voices of his worked-up father that one night. It was scary since the man was always calm and loving.

“Okay,” Aiba said finally relaxing, and Kazu turned his head to look at Jun with a tilted head.

“You and Mao-chan?”

“There is nothing between us yet, and I won’t confess yet, so don’t even try.”

Kazu grinned. “If you say so. I thought you had a crush on your kindergarten teacher, though.”

“That was my first crush,” Jun said with a small glare. “That was ages ago.”

“Jun-kun is always into our teachers,” Aiba giggled. “It’s cute, right?”

“Oi! You weren’t better,” Jun pouted and hit him. Aiba giggled as he stuck out his tongue and held the back of his head. 

Kazu hummed in understanding, staring at the ceiling and falling to his back as he thought about who he had a crush on so far, but nobody really came to mind. He had always been more of a mama-boy and a family-boy in general, he thought as he thought of his favourite family members. There had never been a time that he had more interest in people outside of his family.

A pout appeared on his face as he shut the voices of the other two out who talked about how Aiba should confess to Mika-chan and where they could go for their very first date. Neither Jun nor Aiba really cared about his input since Kazu was just not the person interested in going to any places other than the game arcade or the baseball fields and both were ruled out as date places right from the beginning, which made dating even worse in Kazu’s mind.

A/N: What a horrible chapter… I’m sorry.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are interested in prompting me for Christmas stories, you can use either a prompt from the list or give me your own prompt. Important would be that you tell me the pairing and if you would like anything special in your prompt. I'm looking forward to your prompts.  
> https://kirasebi.livejournal.com/305998.html

“What is going on in that head of yours?” Satoshi asked Kazu a week after his talk with Masaki and Jun. 

They were alone again for the weekend because Kazu had to study for exams and Satoshi actually had to work on the weekends. 

(And honestly, neither of them had really wanted to go with their parents who had wanted to go for a short trip to the onsen and treated it like a second honeymoon.)

Kazu looked up from the workbook he was supposed to do. All he had done so far were just scribbles though, and he had not answered any question so far, which was not like Kazu at all. 

“Oh, you are back, Sato-nii?”

“As you can see,” Satoshi teased him. He had to leave early in the morning when Kazu was still sleeping since today he had the early shift. But that also meant that tomorrow was his free day and he had wanted to take Kazu out for a meal then because he worked hard. But as it looked now, there would be no reason for that so far.

“I didn’t hear you,” Kazu pouted, and Satoshi smiled. 

“I called you a few times, though. I thought you were busy studying but instead you are not really concentrating. Did you have breakfast already?”

Kazu wrinkled his nose at the question, and Satoshi took that as a no. He sighed and pulled the other up. 

“Lucky for you, I already prepared lunch. Come on. We should eat something. I’m sure you can study better if your stomach is full. And bring your stuff to the living room. Mum and Dad would be disappointed to learn you did nothing all weekend.”

“Did they tell you to babysit me?” Kazu asked a bit hurt at the thought that their parents told Satoshi to make sure he was studying and not trusting Kazu. 

“Not really. They told me to make sure you take breaks and eat, though. Because we all know that when you are immersed in your studies, you tend to forget.”

“So they don’t think I’m lazy?” Kazu asked in a small voice as he closed his books and hugged them to his chest as he followed Satoshi out. 

Satoshi swore silently at the insecure voice and shook his head as he hugged his little brother. “Of course not. They know you are hardworking, little brother. And they wouldn’t be mad if they learnt you did nothing all weekend. Sorry for saying that.”

Kazu hummed, still not entirely sure but he relaxed slowly when Satoshi ruffled his hair. 

“But I know you will be disappointed in yourself if you do nothing. So let’s have lunch, and then you can study in the living room. If there are problems, you can ask me that way, okay?”

“Uhn, okay,” Kazu said. He jumped down the last few steps of the stairs, ignoring the chuckle from Satoshi as he grinned and put his books away. 

“Oh, and if you are a good boy. I’ll take you to that movie you wanted to watch, but didn’t want to spend money on.”

“I couldn’t spend money on it. I already paid for a game with my pocket money,” Kazu said with a pout. “But will you really take me?” he asked, his eyes shining brightly at the promise. All of his friends had already seen the movie, and he was annoyed that he didn’t.

“If you study hard today, yes.”

“Yay, you are the best, Sato-nii!” Kazu cheered and ran over to hug him tightly. 

Satoshi chuckled as he ruffled his hair. “But first food and studying,” he said, trying hard to sound strict, but it was almost impossible with how happy Kazu looked as he nodded and ran to the kitchen to have lunch finally. 

—

“Sato-nii?”

“Mhm?”

“I don’t get this question,” Kazu mumbled when Satoshi looked at him from where he was cleaning their entry. 

Kazu had already asked him a few times if he should help Satoshi but the older always denied. It was not as if he needed to clean their home up, but he was bored, and everything else he could think of would be too distracting for him to help Kazu if he needed help (and he was too scared to end up just drawing Kazu all the time in strange positions). So he had decided to do the chores on his own and surprise their parents when they were back. 

He knew their mother would be happy to see them all done, and the relaxation of their short vacation would hold a bit longer now though he cleaned his hands on a towel and walked over to where Kazu had been working the last three hours. He had done already most of the questions on the subjects he was good at, and there was only a little left until Satoshi would tell him it was enough for now. 

Exams were coming closer, yes, but Kazu still had a few more weeks to finish the workbook before then. 

“Show me,” Satoshi mumbled, hoping that he could help, but if nothing else he could check the solutions and then try to help Kazu. 

But as it was, it seemed that Kazu was just puzzled because of how the question was worded (and because his brain always seemed to pick the most complicated route when it came to schoolwork) so it was easy to explain to Kazu what he had to do. 

“Eh? That’s all?”

“Yup,” Satoshi giggled. “Nothing complicated, there are some trick questions like this.”

Kazu huffed slightly as he nodded and wrote down the answer before going over the next. 

“Do the questions until page 28, okay? Then you should take a break.”

“But…”

“No buts, you did great and if you want you can do some more in the morning tomorrow, but doing too much will turn your brain to mush and Mum and Dad will not buy you more workbooks just because you power through them.”

“Meanie,” Kazu said with a pout, but Satoshi lifted an eyebrow, and with another huff, Kazu finally agreed. Satoshi smirked as he ruffled his hair with just his fingertips and tweaked his nose. 

“Afterwards you can prepare dinner while I take a shower first.”

“Okay,” Kazu agreed, smiling just slightly at the prospect of taking over some of the chores and not letting Satoshi do them all. He always felt terrible otherwise. 

—

It was late in the evening and Satoshi and Kazu were stretched out on the sofa watching a movie together. 

Kazu was munching on some popcorn Satoshi had made for them, and Ohno had another bowl with chocolate nuts in his hands. Their legs were slightly tangled, and Ohno chuckled when Kazu couldn’t stay still and moved his feet. 

He pinched his toe and grinned when Kazu shrieked. “You were again all immersed in your thoughts,” he scolded lightly, but there was still worry etched in his voice. “Kazu what is going on in your head? Normally you would talk me through this movie.”

“Sorry, I didn’t want to be annoying.”

Satoshi snorted since Kazu couldn’t stay silent even if he tried really hard. He always had an opinion on the action scenes that he needed to let out; otherwise, he ended up being unhappy.

“That’s also the reason you stopped eating the popcorn? Your hand has to be all icky now.”

Kazu blinked and then wrinkled his nose as he felt the grease of the butter on his hands. He opened his hand to let the last cornels drop in the bowl and carefully stood as not to hurt Satoshi. 

Satoshi paused the movie and sat up as well to ruffle his hair. “Wash your hands and then tell me what’s up? I worry about you, and you were silent for a few days now already. Something is bothering you, right?”

Kazu was silent for a while, but then he looked down and nodded mutely. “Somehow,” he agreed as he stood and left with a sigh. Maybe it was better if he spoke with Satoshi, he thought.

—

Ohno had cleaned up the little mess they made on the coffee table and pulled out two soft drinks as soon as Nino settled down on the sofa again. 

“So what’s up, little brother?”

“Sato-nii? Have you ever been in love?” Kazu asked after a moment of silence. 

Satoshi stiffened slightly at the question and closed his eyes. He hadn’t thought that Kazu would think about such things just yet. He had hoped he would still have time to toughen up for those questions. 

“Why, are you in love?”

“I don’t know,” Kazu whispered, looking down in embarrassment. His cheeks were a bright red and Satoshi had to hold back as not to pinch him. “How do you know you are in love? Masaki and J say they are in love with girls in our school. And I don’t get it? How do they know? They didn’t like them before.”

“You just know,” Satoshi said with a small smile. 

“So you were in love? How did you realise? Tell me?”

Satoshi bit his lips as he nodded slowly. He was bad at lying to Kazu after all, but he needed to be careful as not to let him know the truth. “You know you are in love when you are often thinking of the other person. You like being with them and want that they are well.”

“Huh,” Kazu mumbled and then pursed his lips a little bit. “Who do you like? Tell me, Sato-nii? Have you told her?”

“No, I have not. Telling is the scariest part about liking someone.”

“Tell me about her?”

Satoshi sighed and hummed a little bit in thought. “The person I like… They are very naughty, they like to play pranks and are very active. I love their smile, and I hate it when they cry. I like their good and bad habits very much. They make me want to protect them,” Satoshi said as he ruffled his hair. “And I won’t tell you more.”

“I’m jealous,” Kazu mumbled. “I want someone to like me like that.”

Satoshi chuckled and hugged him a bit tighter, before dropping a kiss to the top of his hair. “So do you like someone? Is there a girl you want to spend your time with?”

Kazu looked a bit troubled for a while. His mind going to the few girls he talked to regularly, but he didn’t know if there was one that matched Satoshi’s answer. 

“Or maybe a boy?” Satoshi said very softly, sighing when Kazu stiffened in his arms. 

“I don’t like guys that way,” he grumbled and jumped to his feet. He glared at his brother and bit his lips. He was sure if he just thought a little bit longer, he would come up with a girl he liked, just like his friends did. 

“It wouldn’t matter if you did, Kazu, you know that right?”

“Right,” Kazu said, still looking troubled. 

“And it’s okay, if you are still not there, yet. You are still young. It would be normal if you have no interest in others like that just yet.”

“But all my friends do,” he whined, nibbling on his lower lip. “I don’t want to be the odd one out of them again.”

Satoshi closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “You are not odd, Kazu.”

“I know, but…” 

“No, buts,” he said sternly. He knew that Kazu was still troubled over the fact that he was adopted sometimes because he was the only one in between his friends, but he didn’t want Kazu to think that for even a second.

Kazu deflated after a second and crumbled as Satoshi let him hide in his arms. “I want to be normal.”

“You are normal, Kazu.”

The boy sniffled and then nodded after a while. “And I will find someone I like,” he promised silently. 

“Of course, you will. And then you will introduce her to the family,” he teased, smiling when Kazu hit him slightly and tried to hide his embarrassment at the thought of introducing someone he liked to his family. “But if you try too hard to find someone you won’t,” Satoshi warned him. 

“So you say I need to give it time?”

“Yes,” Satoshi chuckled.

“That sucks. But… argh… I don’t want to think about it anymore! Let’s finish that movie. The worst part comes soon.”

“You are the only one who wants to watch a movie just because you hate it,” Satoshi snorted as Kazu moved back, giving him space to breathe and put some of the popcorn in his mouth as he started the movie, almost glaring at the screen in his attempt of forgetting all about that downright embarrassing conversation.

“Ne Satoshi?”

“Mhm?” 

“You won’t tell mama and papa, right?”

Satoshi hummed and nodded. “Of course not, your secrets are safe with me.”

Kazu smiled brilliantly at him and finally relaxed as he concentrated on the movie, grumbling at his most hated scene and starting to tear it apart. 

Ohno giggled as he let him be, even if he couldn’t help the laughter when he saw that Nino had fallen asleep after letting go of all his steam afterwards.


	26. Chapter 26

“Do you like Erika-chan?” Aiba asked curiously as they sat together in the stands of the baseball field. They were waiting for the training to start, and Kazu was leisurely playing with a ball he had snatched during their last practice.

“Huh?” Kazu mumbled and tilted his head to the side. “Erika-chan?”

“Uhn, you talk a lot to her,” Aiba said with an almost creepy grin on his face. 

“We have to do assignments together,” Kazu said with a small huff. “So of course I talk to her.”

“But I saw you in a coffee shop with her yesterday. You were laughing together. You can’t tell me that was for school,” Aiba said and poked his cheek. 

“What are you? My stalker?” Kazu asked and pushed him to the side. “Get away; you are annoying.”

“Aww, our little Kazu is in love…” Aiba said as he faked crying and wiped his tears. “They grow up so fast nowadays. Wait until I tell Jun-chan!”

Kazu blushed because of Aiba’s antics and hid his face. “You are not older than me. So stop being annoying.”

“But you were so clueless when we talked about love weeks ago,” Aiba snorted. “So of course we are happy to see love blossom in front of him.”

“I am not in love with Erika-chan! She is nice, and she likes to play games. We had lunch in that coffee shop because we needed to talk about stuff for school and thought the school was stuffy.”

“Nobody laughs like that when they talk about school,” Aiba scoffed as he wrinkled his nose. “Come on. Kazu you can tell me. I won’t tell others.”

“You were about to run to J, stupid.”

“Jun is not others. Jun is our best friend.”

Nino groaned and hid his face in his hands as Aiba pulled out his phone to finally write a mail to Jun. Maybe at least Jun was more level-headed, and together they could convince Aiba that he was not in love with Erika, he thought miserably. 

—

“I want to go home!” Kazu whined when Aiba grabbed his arm and led him from the schoolyard after their training. Aiba had seen that Erika had stopped in front of the field for a moment to watch them and had alerted Kazu of that very not subtle. 

Kazu groaned as Aiba yanked at his arm almost dislocating it when he tried to walk down the street that led to his home. 

“I know you don’t have homework left and your mother allows you to come home just in time for dinner. So we will have cake together.”

“I don’t have money,” Kazu said, trying again to leave. “And I would feel bad at making you pay.”

Aiba stared at him disbelievingly, and Kazu had to admit that it was a very weak argument since he usually would go out of his way to make either Jun or Aiba pay for him. 

“Jun is already waiting for us,” Aiba said. “And I pay. Or Jun pays whatever. We have to celebrate.”

“Damn,” Kazu swore, but gave up and let Aiba drag him to the shop they frequented. 

Jun was also grinning when Aiba pushed Nino on a chair at the table the other was already. Jun had a glass of oolong ice tea in front of him, and Aiba went to order the same for them together with whatever sweets caught his eyes. 

Kazu sighed as he sank lower in his chair when Jun grinned at him. 

“What?” he asked, and Jun shrugged before he shook his head. 

“You and Erika-chan?”

“What did the idiot tell you?”

“He said that you and Erika-chan are together. How come you didn’t tell us?”

Jun looked actually hurt, and Kazu rubbed his face. “I am not together with Erika-chan. We work together on class assignments and school stuff. Masaki is completely overdoing things. He reads too much into stuff.”

“But you met her outside of school?”

“Yes, we met outside of school. I don’t get why this is a big deal.”

“You never meet anybody outside of school. Wait, did you make her pay for you?”

“What?! Of course not! I paid for us,” Kazu grumbled. “I’m not that bad.”

“You’re the worst when it comes to paying money for anything,” Jun disagreed and grinned at Aiba as he put a tray down with their drinks and sweets to share. “You never pay when you are with us.”

“Because you have more money and are nice,” he said with a pout.

Jun snorted but stayed silent as Aiba sat down beside them and Nino took the oolong tea and downed almost half of it. He felt really weird to be scrutinised so much, and he wished to be back home and hide away.

“Do you like Erika-chan?” Jun finally asked, and Kazu almost choked on his drink. 

He shrugged slightly and stared down at his hands as he felt his cheeks slightly heat up at the question and thought of Erika. 

“She is nice,” he mumbled. “She does her part of the work without slacking off.”

“Which of course is important to our nerd,” Aiba teased, giggling when Kazu pinched his side. 

“Stop it,” Kazu said, and Aiba held up his hands. 

“Sorry, sorry,” he was still giggling, but Kazu knew he was not trying to hurt him. 

“And she likes games. We talked about playing Marion Kart on the weekends. She has the newest console. Mama said she wouldn’t buy it and my birthday is not until next month,” Kazu grumbled.

“Oh, so you already have a second date?”

“We didn’t even have a first one,” Kazu said and glared at them. “Stop making it one.”

“Kazu you know what it means to like someone or fall in love with someone right?” Jun asked suddenly carefully, and Nino pursed his lips as he played with the hem of his shirt. 

“I’m not stupid,” he grumbled. “Sato-nii explained it all to me,” he added then when Jun looked at him with a lifted eyebrow. He looked down at his fingers and tried hard not to blush further when Aiba and Jun couldn’t help but snicker at his words. So he had asked Satoshi, so what? He was allowed to ask his older siblings about stuff he didn’t get. It was Aiba’s and Jun’s loss that they didn’t have big brothers, he thought sullenly. 

“So what did senpai tell you?”

“Sato-nii said that it means you like being with them and think about them and want them to be healthy.”

“So what about Erika-chan?”

Kazu wrinkled his nose in thought and tugged a bit more aggressively at the hem of his shirt as he thought the words over and about Erika. 

“I… Of course, I like her. I already told you so. She is fun to be with, and she knows games. More than you two at least. And she is not so annoying or all over me,” he huffed. He was trying very hard to ignore the grins that Jun and Aiba shared at his words. 

“And of course I want her to be healthy. It’s normal to want that with others, right? And it would really suck if she wasn’t healthy when we have presentations together,” he pouted.

“So you are in love,” Jun pointed out, and Nino frowned. 

“Why do you think so?”

“Because, my dear Kazu, you have never been so interested in any other person outside of your family.”

“Not true, I like you and don’t want you to be ill,” he said with a frown. 

“Because we are your friends,” Jun scoffed. “But it even took us some time to get you comfortable around us.”

Kazu pouted as he stared down at his hands, thinking about the words and then hid his face in his hands. “But she doesn’t like me for sure.”

“She invited you for the weekend, right?”

“Uhn we are going to play Mario Kart. I told you,” he said with a pout. 

“I’m sure she likes you then. She wouldn’t invite you home otherwise. But it’s soon for the second date.”

“And yes, your coffee shop outing was a date,” Jun scolded him as Nino wanted to argue with Aiba. 

“But… She didn’t tell me. And I didn’t,” he mumbled. “What do I do now?!”

“I’m sure Erika-chan will talk about it on the weekend.”

“And what should I tell her?”

“What you feel,” Jun said and tugged at his hands. “You like her, and you like being around her or having her around you. So it’s good. You just tell her that you like being around her.”

“But…”

“And that you don’t like it if you don’t,” Jun added.

Nino pursed his lips as he thought it over. “I like her, I think,” he said in the end, as he breathed in deeply to calm down his suddenly racing heart at the thought of really being with Erika. 

Aiba cheered slightly and hugged his friend tightly as Nino tried to hide behind his elbow. “Aww, you are so cute all grown up now.”

“Shut up, Masaki,” he said with a huff pushing Aiba off, but crying out when he almost fell instead. Jun was laughing at them but luckily helped Nino to stay seated and hit Aiba’s head to calm him down. 

“But you are going to tell us if you kiss her.”

“What? Why should I? You wouldn’t get to watch and… Kisses are strange,” he mumbled, making the other two sigh as he pouted slightly. 

He drowned his drink and got up. “You are both stupid. I will go home now!”

“You can ask your brother about kissing a girl,” Aiba said with a grin. “To prepare for Saturday.”

“I am not going to kiss Erika-chan on Saturday,” Kazu hissed his cheeks a dark red at the thought. “And for sure I am NOT asking Sato-nii about such things. That is embarrassing.”

“Aww still a little kid,” Jun teased and winked at him when Nino glared at him, before deciding he didn’t want to have another argument and instead leave his stupid, awful friends behind.


	27. Chapter 27

“I’m off!” Kazu yelled as he slipped into his shoes and kissed his mother on the cheek before he finally left his home to go over to Erika. He had made sure to put in their school work because they might check it between gaming.

“Have fun,” Keiko said and ruffled his hair. She grinned when he pouted and put his hair back to order before running out with red cheeks. Adorable, she thought with a bit of regret at seeing her last child growing up way too fast. It felt like yesterday when Kazu refused to leave her to meet other people and found girls nasty. 

She sighed when Kazu was gone finally and closed the door, after putting his slippers to the side. She then went up and knocked on Satoshi’s door. 

“Come in,” Satoshi mumbled with a sigh, and she opened the door. 

“Hey, come down and join me?”

“I’m not going to look for the next bridge…” Ohno joked weakly, and she came over to hit his head. 

“That’s nothing to joke about. And besides, I didn’t tell you were thinking of that. But I can understand that it hurts.”

“He’s growing fast. I knew this was going to happen rather sooner than later.”

Keiko watched him for a second and smiled. “So he talked with you, huh. I wondered about that,” she mumbled. 

“I’m his big brother,” Satoshi said with a pout. “I want to help him if possible.”

“True, and it’s easier to talk with your siblings than with your parents,” Keiko agreed. “I still would enjoy you to come down with me and join me. I have to process the things your grandparents sent us for the freezer or pantry. You can help. It’ll do you better than sitting here and pouting.”

“I’m not wallowing in self-hate,” Satoshi snorted but stood to follow Keiko. 

He didn’t like working in the kitchen that much, but Keiko was right. It would distract him. 

They settled down in the kitchen and Keiko grimaced when he saw the number of vegetables his mother told him to clean. “You weren’t joking,” he said with a chuckle as he sat down and went to work. 

“Of course not. I can make your favourite as a thank you.”

“Sounds good,” Satoshi agreed with a smile. 

They spend an hour talking about Satoshi’s work so far and how he liked working in the bakery. Keiko knew already that he enjoyed it a lot more than going to school in general. It was harsh to wake up early in the morning, but he enjoyed making the bread to prepare cakes, so it was fine. He liked eating the cakes, though. But the same with other food, if he prepared them himself, he liked the motion of doing it, but he didn’t necessarily need to eat it afterwards. It was enough to know that his family or friends liked it. 

Satoshi sighed after a while of silence, and Keiko looked at him in confusion. 

“Everything okay?”

“Yes… In a way… It’s good to see him grow up and fall in love. It hurts, but…” he stopped and stared at the carrot he was peeling right now.

“But?”

“The hope vanishes. To see him fall in love and be with others manifests the knowledge that there is no way it’s going to be me that he’ll love that way. I can start to heal. It’s heartbreaking in a way, but it’s also better than the hope while I also tried to keep away and not smother him or… groom him.”

Keiko turned around and glared at Satoshi. She strode over and pinched his ear. “Don’t ever belittle you like that again, Satoshi!” she scolded. “You never would do anything like that and exploit your little brother.”

“But…” 

“No buts. We promised you. Your father and I promised you to make sure you won’t influence Kazu, and you didn’t okay?”

Satoshi smiled a bit weakly but then nodded after a second. “Okay, sorry. My mind is messed up.”

“No wonder,” Keiko said with a sigh. “Finish those, and then you are free to do whatever you want.”

“Can you teach me to cook curry?”

“Sure.”

Satoshi smiled and nodded as he finished with the carrots and put the peels to the side. He knew his mother would wash them again and then probably cook a vegetable broth to store for later use. Keiko was notorious as not to waste anything.

—

“Where’s Sato-nii?” Kazu asked with a pout as he sat heavily on a chair in the kitchen. He was sniffling slightly and coughed shortly after. 

Keiko looked at him with a frown and went over to check his forehead. “I told you to stay put in the living room,” she scolded as he pulled the blanket he had brought closer around himself and wriggled around so that she would let go. 

“I was bored. I can’t play games; my sight goes funny,” he whined.

“That’s because of your cold.”

“Stupid cold. Can’t you make it go away, mama?”

“No, sweet child,” she sighed and chuckled when he whined and put his head on the table for a moment. 

“Where is Sato-nii?”

“Meeting with friends,” she said after a moment. “Why?”

“Because Sato-nii would read me a story and then all feel better,” he said with a pout. “Can you read me a story?”

“I thought you were hungry.”

Kazu shrugged and then groaned slightly as he accidentally hit his chin on the table. He sat up with a pout and rubbed the hurting part. 

“I am bored,” he grumbled. 

Keiko rolled her eyes and then pulled him up. She turned him around and brought him back to the living room. She helped him back onto the sofa and put the blanket over him before playing with his hair. 

Kazu sighed happily and closed his eyes as he snuggled closer. 

“Better?”

“Uhn Mama,” he said happily. She chuckled and stroke his hair a while longer until Kazu fell back to sleep soon after. She then got up with a groan and went back to the kitchen to finish the soup so that all was left for it to simmer until it was ready. 

Kazu was usually whiny whenever he was ill. He liked to snuggle to anybody, and on the weekend Mina had been there to snuggle with her brother or Mamoru had spent time with Kazu so that Keiko could work, but today all of those were back at work and Satoshi had a date. Keiko was worried about that. 

Satoshi had told her that he liked the girl, but it was fast after Kazu went with Erika-chan for the very first time. Keiko was worried about her son’s feelings, but she knew that she needed to trust Satoshi to know what he was doing and not to be cruel with another person’s feelings. 

Sometimes she wondered if she would ever not worry about her children, but she knew that she would feel like that for most of their lives. 

She checked on Kazu who was still sleeping and cleaned the table a little as she decided to prepare some herbal tea for him and check on their lunch. When she was sure, everything was ready, she went back to the living room and waked Kazu to force him to eat something. 

Kazu whined as he was forced to eat the soup and take his medicine before he was allowed to lie back down. He coughed slightly and huffed as the coughing bout was over to breathe in deeply. Keiko frowned and rechecked his temperature to make sure he hadn’t gotten worse.

“Are you sleepy again?”

“A bit,” Kazu said with a sigh. “But I slept so much already.”

“Sleep is good,” Keiko said with a smile and caressed his cheek. Kazu smiled shyly, and she chuckled. 

“Do you want to listen to an audiobook?”

Kazu nodded after a moment, and Keiko smiled as he put it on and sat down beside Kazu again to keep him company until he fell asleep. 

It was in the early afternoon that Erika came over with Kazu’s homework. Keiko invited her in, after making sure Kazu was okay with it and listened to their charming conversation for a while, chuckling when Erika managed to make Kazu splutter in embarrassment more than once but also managed to make him giggle and laugh for a bit. 

“I have to leave now, Ohno-san,” Erika said and poked her head into the kitchen. 

“Of course, thank you for visiting Erika-chan,” she said with a smile. 

“I will come tomorrow again if Kazunari-kun is not back at school by then,” she said and blushed slightly. 

Keiko nodded at that. “I don’t think he’ll be back for the rest of the week,” she agreed. “And you are welcome any time.”

Erika grinned brightly and nodded her head as she ran over to Kazu and held out her hand a bit insecure. In the end, she took his hand and held it tight for a second. “Get well soon, Kazunari-kun.”

“Uhn, take care on your way home,” Kazu said, burying his head in the cushions as he coughed again. “I can’t bring you today.”

“Silly I know that,” she said and tweaked his nose with a grin when he grimaced. “See you tomorrow.”

Keiko accompanied her to the door and smiled when she looked at Kazu. “Erika-chan is nice,” she mentioned, chuckling when Kazu blushed hard but nodded. 

“She is,” he agreed and then sighed. “Very nice.”

“I think you should sleep some more, mh? I’m sure when you wake up again, your head will feel better, and your father will be back.”

“No, Sato-nii?”

“No Satoshi wanted to stay over at friends tonight. Your coughing kept him up last night and tomorrow he has to work early.”

“I didn’t mean to…”

“I know, and he knows, but it’s better that way. So you don’t have to worry.”

“Right. Tell papa to wake me?”

“Sure, sweetheart.”

Kazu smiled and buried himself more in-depth into the blanket as Keiko restarted the audiobook for him to listen to and then went to tend to the garden for a bit.


	28. Chapter 28

Kazu knocked on Satoshi’s door and waited until he was allowed inside. He bopped his head in surprise when he saw that Sho was over, but at least it was not a girl, he thought a bit sour. Satoshi didn’t have time for him whenever that one girl was over, and he didn’t like it.

“Hello Sho-senpai,” he said politely, and the boy grinned down to him. 

“Hello, Kazu-kun. How are you doing? How is school? I heard you had the flu last month?”

“Uhn, I’m all better now,” Kazu said with a bright grin. “Mama and papa helped me, and Sato-nii read for me,” he said happily. “And I managed to keep up with homework thanks to Erika-chan’s note and Aiba’s and J’s help.”

“Very good, if there are questions you tell your brother, okay? I can come over and tutor you if needed.”

Kazu grinned and nodded happily. Sho was great at explaining stuff for school when he didn’t get it. Sho had helped him already a few times with English or Maths if it was all over his head and Satoshi wasn’t able to help. 

“Did you want something, Kazu?” Satoshi asked then, and he blushed as he stared at his brother.

“Uhn… But I can wait,” he said since he knew he shouldn’t disturb Satoshi when he had friends over. He tippled from one foot to the other, and he didn’t want to be scolded by their parents.

Satoshi chuckled and ruffled his hair. “You can ask me now. Sho and I wanted to go out in a bit.”

“I can wait up until you can home,” he said in a small voice. 

“It’ll be late,” Satoshi said and tweaked his nose. 

Kazu held his nose and rubbed the spot with his fingertips as he squeaked. 

“Bully, Sato-nii,” he said with a pout and Sho laughed. 

“Perhaps we can both help? Or is it too private? I can leave for a bit.”

Kazu looked at Sho and then shook his head. It was not a private matter. Sometimes when he was feeling unwell because of his adoption and because bullies teased him about it, he would want to talk to Satoshi alone, but Sho never was mad when he came then. 

Satoshi’s girlfriend didn’t like it and because of that Kazu didn’t like Satoshi’s girlfriend. Not because he didn’t pay attention to him when she was there!

“Erika-chan asked for a real date,” he whispered after a few minutes of fidgeting and blushed when the older boys chuckled. 

“Finally, huh? Not only meeting for video games or school work?” Satoshi said and ruffled his hair. 

Kazu nodded and stared to the floor. “What do you do on a real date?” he asked nervously.

Sho grinned as he led him to the bed so that he would sit down and changed places with Satoshi so that Satoshi sat down on the bed beside Kazu while he sat on the chair. 

“I suppose you can go where you like to go,” Satoshi said, and Kazu shook his head. 

“I like the arcade. I go there with Aiba and J all the time. I don’t think it’s a good place? Would that be a real date?”

“Well…” Sho said and shrugged. “It probably depends on what you two do there, but it’s true it is a bit strange as a place to date,” he agreed. 

Kazu looked from Sho to Satoshi and stared at him with big eyes. “Or I go to the baseball field. Do you think that’s good?”

“No, probably not,” Satoshi agreed and hummed in thought. 

Kazu stared at him with big hopeful eyes, and Satoshi had to hold back as not to squish him because he looked a lot like a little hopeful puppy right now. 

“The amusement park is a popular place to go.”

“Kazu doesn’t do well with roller-coasters,” Satoshi disagreed. “And I don’t think it’s good for him to throw up most of the time.”

Kazu nodded and nibbled on his lower lip. He was fine going with his friends because nobody forced him on anything he couldn’t stand. But that would be really uncool in front of Erika-chan. 

“Oh, I see. So it would be best if you went to a place where you can have plenty of face-to-face interaction so that you can talk. I wouldn’t go to the cinema just yet. Somewhere where you can talk a lot but also maybe where there is something to distract you if you run out of words. Do you have silences sometimes, Kazu-kun?”

“Uhn, we talk about school work then.”

“Schoolwork is a no for your date,” Satoshi said with a chuckle and bopped the tip of his nose when Kazu wrinkled it.

“Why?”

“Because Erika-chan wants a special day. Not a day you normally can have all the time.”

“Your brother is right,” Sho nodded, and Kazu sighed as he nodded in understanding. 

“Oh, there is that new place where you can play mini-golf. That would be a good place,” Satoshi suddenly said. 

“True, you can play around, talk a lot and it’s fun.”

“Really?”

“Yup. I will even give you extra allowance then, Kazu. But you need to make sure to pay for Erika-chan the entry fee and then get her something to drink and a snack, promise? You need to be a gentleman.”

Kazu stared at him with wide eyes and nodded before he grinned and hugged him tightly. 

“Thank you Sato-nii! I tell her right away,” he cheered and jumped to his feet to leave them behind. 

Sho shared a sympathetic look with Satoshi when the other crumbled on the bed. “Young love, how cute… You are a great big brother.”

“I just wished it wouldn’t hurt,” Satoshi whispered and rubbed his eyes. “Oh well, let’s go, or I’m late to meet Yumi.”

Sho watched him but then nodded in agreement as he stood and they left together Satoshi’s house to go to the meet-up with their friends for a group date.

—

“Oooh. This time its Erika-chan and Kazu-kun!” Aiba cheered and clapped his hands with some of their other friends. 

They both exchanged a look, and Nino blushed slightly as he saw that Erika-chan was also red on the face. 

“I will stop the time,” Jun said and stood as Aiba dragged Kazu up while another girl pulled up Erika. 

“But we’ll understand if you want to stay in there longer,” Aiba said and winked (or at least tried to wink) at him. 

“Stupid,” Kazu said as he pushed the older away when Aiba almost shoved him into the small cupboard. He groaned when his shoulder hit the wall and soon after Erika was inside as well and the door was closed.

They were all having a pyjama party at a classmates place. Kazu had no idea how watching movies and eating snacks ended up with them all playing first truth or dare - where Kazu had stuck to truth all the time to be safe - and now to three minutes in heaven - or in this case three minutes in a cupboard with another person out of sight and hearing of the rest. 

“Are you alright?” he asked Erika in a whisper a few seconds of silence between them and Erika held his hand tightly. 

“I don’t like small spaces,” she whispered, and he frowned. 

“I can demand them to let us out,” he offered, but she shook her head. 

He stayed silent again as they stared at each other in silence and Nino felt heat all over his body. 

“Will you kiss me?” she asked shyly, and he blinked. “Do you want to?”

Erika was silence for two more heartbeats and only because they were so close was he able to feel her nod very slowly. Kazu licked his lips, feeling very nervous suddenly. 

“Have you kissed someone yet?” he asked, and she shook her head. 

“Me neither.”

“We could be each other’s first kiss then?”

Kazu nodded even if it somehow didn’t sit right with him. He felt strange, and the slightly nauseous feeling in the pit of his stomach was back. Just as always when they talked about relationships. 

She went closer, and Kazu took a deep breath, moving closer as well when suddenly the door was pulled open. They jumped apart, eyes wide as they stared into the grinning faces of their friends who were cheering and hooting.

Kazu opened his lips to deny that anything happened because it didn’t, but Erika hushed him with a small tug at his fingers.

—

It was days later, and Kazu had met up with Erika-chan behind the gym at school. There had been a kiss then, a small one but his first kiss nonetheless. 

It had ended soon with Erika stepping back and smiling sadly. “It doesn’t feel right, ne?”

Kazu looked down at his fingers and nodded. It didn’t. There were no fireworks like Aiba had explained, or a pleasant feeling like his Jun had explained. It just felt strange and maybe even a bit disgusting, but he knew better than to say that out loud. 

Kazu felt tears in his eyes, as he asked himself if he was not normal because of that, but he held them in.

“We can go back to just being friends, right?” he asked after he was sure he could trust his voice again. 

Erika giggled, and he felt her fingers on his elbow. “Of course, we can play games again.”

“I would like that.”

“Goodbye, Kazu-kun.”

He nodded and listened to her steps as they fade away. And even if he didn’t love her as he had thought, it still hurt, he thought as he finally went home. 

He was unhappy to see that neither his mother nor his father was there. His father had been expected since he was at work until the evenings, but usually, his mother would await him if there was no emergency. He sniffled, feeling tears building up again in his eyes. 

It was silly to cry over the break-up. They had agreed to stay friends after all! And he hadn’t liked the kiss! Still, it hurt, and he wanted a hug now. Mina was out at university, and he blinked when he heard sounds from Satoshi’s room. 

So at least his big brother was at home, he thought and went up to the room of the other. He didn’t think of anything when he opened the door without knocking for once, and his eyes widened with a small shocked sound as he saw his big brother on top of his girlfriend. He stared for a second stunned until they realised he was there and then turned around on his heels running away while the tears he had fought so hard to hold back finally spilt. It hurt even more now.


	29. Chapter 29

Satoshi flinched when he heard the small sound he was sure was not coming from his girlfriend - Yuriko - under him. But his mind was soon occupied again by the girl under him. Only when he heard fast steps and the loud bang of the door falling shut, did he know that he had not imagined the gasp. 

He carefully sat up, ignoring for a second that she tried to pull him back. “Satoshi,” Yuriko whined, and he pecked her cheek. 

“Something happened to Kazu,” Satoshi said and rubbed his face. “I have to check up on him.”

“You always put him first,” she said with a frown and Satoshi tried very hard not to roll his eyes at that. 

“Of course I do. He is my little brother.”

Yuriko grumbled but let him go as he climbed off the bed and for a second Satoshi felt overwhelming fond of the girl. Yes, she sometimes complained or whined when she thought that he put too much attention to Kazu, but she always let it go if she realised that he was seriously worried about the younger boy. He was thankful for that.

“You are lucky I’m so fond of you,” she said, and he buried his hands in her hair to press his lips against her forehead. 

“I am,” he agreed and grinned when she fell back to the mattress and shooed him away.

“Go, I will enjoy myself and snoop around.”

Ohno rolled his eyes before he finally left his room. He moved towards Kazu’s room since he thought that Kazu would hide there and knocked at the door, before trying to open it, to find that he couldn’t open it. Kazu had clearly locked his door, which was a first for him. 

“Kazu? What is wrong? Let me in.”

“Go away!” Kazu cried out. His voice was muffled, and Ohno could hear the tears in it. It broke his heart not to be allowed in and hold Kazu until he stopped crying. 

“Kazu. What happened? Are you hurt?”

“I don’t want to talk to you! Go away! Leave me alone!” Kazu yelled louder now, and Satoshi flinched. He lifted his hand again to knock, not realising that tears were in his own eyes when he felt a hand on top of his own. 

“Let him be,” Yuriko said softly and pulled him along. 

“But…”

“He’s hurt. If you push him now, he will say things you both will later regret.”

Satoshi bit his lips but allowed her to pull him along back to his room. He knew that she was right in a way. Kazu had always been very emotional and lashed out if he was overwhelmed and didn’t know how to articulate himself properly. 

Yuriko pushed him down onto the bed, and he leant against the headrest. He closed his eyes and rubbed his face. “I hate seeing him crying.”

“Of course, he is your little brother and very dear to you,” she said carefully, and he opened his eyes to watch her curiously at the tone of her voice. 

She sat on his lap and cupped his cheek—her thumb tracing his cheek to catch the tears dropping down. 

“He is,” he said in the end and sighed defeated, awaiting the scorn he was sure that she would feel for him.

“I always knew you had a brother complex. I thought it was because he is adopted, and you felt the need to protect him even more than normal older siblings do. I also knew that there was still someone in your heart that kept hold of a part of it and made it harder for me to get inside fully. I would never have thought it was all the same boy,” she mumbled and pecked his cheeks.

“You are calmer than I thought,” Satoshi said surprised and she shrugged as she leant against him and Satoshi put his arms around her smaller body. 

He liked holding her, and he liked to be close to her, he couldn’t hide that. And he didn’t want to hide it. It was a conflicting and confusing feeling for him to really enjoy the time with Yuriko and still knowing that he felt love for his little brother even if it was wrong.

“I always knew that I have to share your heart with another person. Two persons even, your brother and the person you fell for. It’s, in all honesty, relieving to know it’s just one person.”

“That sounds very bitter for someone our age,” Satoshi said and for a second forgot about the pain that was the knowledge of the problem Kazu was in. 

“Maybe,” Yuriko agreed and stretched out on his lap. Ohno chuckled and buried his nose in her hair. He had always known that she was easy going and at the same time probably a bit hurt that she put more into their relationship than he did. But that just made him want to try harder, and he knew if Yuriko ever told him she wanted to leave it would hurt a lot.

Ohno sighed and closed his eyes, hugging her more tightly as he tried to forget about Kazu’s pain. “What do you think happened?”

“I don’t know. The only thing I’m sure of is that he is not physically hurt.”

“You realise that it would almost be better if it were a physical wound? I could bandage that. If his heart is wounded, it’s harder to help him heal. Besides he doesn’t want to see me.”

“Because he is shocked to have seen us in that position. I’m sure tonight he will come to his big brother for comforting hugs and cry his heart out.”

Satoshi chuckled at those words and nodded. He really wished that would happen.

—

Kazu hadn’t come to him, nor their parents as Satoshi discovered when his mother called him down after dinner with a very subdued Kazu. He was pushing his food around on his plate instead of eating anything until his mother allowed him to leave. 

“Do you know what happened to Kazu? He looked down?”

Satoshi sighed and shook his head. “He came home and saw me with Yuriko. I don’t know what has upset him, but he refused to talk to me while she was there and even after she was gone.”

Keiko sighed and came over to hug him tightly. Satoshi let out a shuddering breath as he fell against his mother, glad for her support. It hurt him that Kazu denied him entry to his room and didn’t talk to him. He feared that he had hurt him through his actions even if he didn’t know what he had done wrong.

“Puberty,” Keiko said and ruffled his hair. “I’ll try to talk to him. But don’t think you did anything wrong, okay?”

“I’ll try,” Satoshi promised and enjoyed the hug for a moment longer before he stepped back. “I’ll take a bath and head for bed. I have an early shift tomorrow,” he groaned. 

She grinned and nodded. “Of course, sleep well, my dear.”

Satoshi kissed her cheek and then went to the bathroom to wash up and get ready to bed. He stood in front of Kazu’s room for a moment lifting his fingers as to open the door, but then stopped. He was not welcomed right now, and even if it hurt, he didn’t want to force himself on Kazu. He sighed as he went to his room and threw himself on the bed. He closed his eyes and put an arm across his face. He should sleep, but he couldn’t help himself as he tried to listen for any sounds coming from the other room. But it was all silent, and somehow that was louder than the familiar beeping sounds or music coming from there. 

He didn’t know when he fell to sleep, but he was woken up by Kazu screaming and crying and was up in an instant. He jumped to his feet and opened the door as he ran over to the other room. 

He blinked when he saw Keiko already sitting beside Kazu and holding the trashing body, rocking him side to side as she tried hard to calm him down and wake him up. It took Satoshi a moment to recognise the old lullaby his mother always sang for Kazu, and he felt awful for Satoshi to see Kazu like that again. 

“Mum…” he whispered, and Keiko looked up. “Please leave, Satoshi,” Keiko whispered. “I’m sure Kazu would be embarrassed if you saw him like that.”

Satoshi was hesitant, but in the end, he nodded and left them alone, closing the door. 

He could hear Kazu wake up with a gasp and then as he cried against their mother’s shoulder, apologising for doing things wrong and begging for her not to hurt him and it broke Ohno’s heart. 

—

“Oh my sweet child,” Keiko hummed and rocked him in her arms until he calmed down and realised that he was safe and in her arms. “You did nothing wrong, please don’t fear I would hurt you or anybody in this family.”

Kazu sniffled and pressed his face against her shoulder or tried, but Keiko moved him back to clean his wet cheeks with her fingers. He nodded and snuggled closer to his mother. He couldn’t help himself. Sometimes the bad dreams just came, and then he saw dark figures standing over him, shouting and hitting him. He didn’t know where those dreams came from, but he could imagine that it was from his birth mother, and it scared him. 

“Kazu what happened? It has been a while since you were this upset.”

“I…” he rubbed his eyes and grimaced slightly. “Erika broke up with me,” he said. “It hurts. I wanted to go to Sato-nii, but Yuriko-san was there, and she doesn’t like me, and it hurt to see them, and I ran away, and he hates me now. And everybody hates me,” he hiccoughed, new tears streaming down his cheeks.

“Nobody hates you, my sweet child. Satoshi is worried about you and not angry or anything like that.”

“But I just stormed inside,” he whispered. “I have to knock. He said so.”

“I know, but he knows you were upset and forgot. That’s okay, and you can apologise tomorrow.”

Kazu nodded and rubbed his eyes as he slowly calmed down. His mother was right, for sure. She always was. 

Keiko smiled fondly at him and wiped his face clean again before she allowed him to lay back into the bed. “Or do you need to come to mine and your papa’s room?” she teased, and he smiled weakly. He still remembered the warmth in his parents’ bed fondly, but he knew he was too old for that now, so he shook his head, before getting shy again and blushed slightly. 

“But can you sing me a lullaby?”

“Of course, sweetheart,” she chuckled and kissed his forehead, before smoothing out the blanket and patting his hair until he closed his eyes. She started to sing watching as he breathes evened out again and he fell asleep to the last verse of the song. 

_“From your head down to your toes  
You’re not much, goodness knows.  
But, you’re so precious to me.  
Sweet as can be, baby of mine.”_


	30. Chapter 30

“I’m sorry,” Kazu whispered when Satoshi entered the room after a small knock and the older boy smiled softly. 

“What for?” Satoshi asked as he carefully balanced the tray he was holding until he could put it down on the side cupboard of the bed. “For falling ill yet again?”

There was a teasing smile on Satoshi’s face to show his little brother that he was not mad at him. He honestly wasn’t. Kazu suffered from bad health, and he knew it was partly because of his past. It was sad to see that it still affected Kazu in that way, but there was nothing to do about that. 

“No, that you had to stay home with me,” Kazu said with a small pout on his face. “I’m sure you would be happier if you were with your friends or girlfriend.” He wrinkled his nose at the last work, and Satoshi chuckled at his antics. 

He ruffled his hair and rolled his eyes. “You are cute when you pout. But it can’t be helped, ne? Dad is away for work, Nee-san has her exams and has to stay in university and Mum needs to look after grandfather,” he said and propped Kazu up with a few cushions. “Besides, it has been a while since I was alone with my little brother, and Yuriko is busy.”

Kazu blushed slightly and hid his face. He and Satoshi had spent less time together in the last few weeks since Kazu had seen them in the bedroom, but they were mostly normal around each other. After all, there were family and game time, and Kazu had started to open up to Satoshi again, after getting successfully over his first break-up. Even if he still tried to not be at home whenever Yuriko was there. If they came across each other Yuriko would smirk or grin while the younger boy would blush badly and run to his room or out wherever he wanted to go right then. 

“But that’s not the point here, how are you feeling?” Satoshi asked and felt his forehead. He frowned as it was still way too hot for his liking and sighed as he changed the fever patch. “Are you hungry?”

“No,” Kazu said with evident distaste in his voice, and Satoshi pouted playfully. 

“I didn’t cook, but just warmed up one of the freezer meals of Mum!” he said and smiled when Kazu’s lips twitched in slight amusement. It was better than the groggy worn-out look on Kazu’s face. 

“Still not hungry. I don’t want food. My tummy hurts,” he whined, and Satoshi sighed as he patted his head.

“I know, Kazu,” he whispered. “But you need to eat to get better again. And without food in your stomach, you can’t take medicine.”

“I can,” Kazu said with a pout, and Satoshi shook his head. 

“No you’ll end up throwing up, and I don’t want to clean that,” Satoshi explained, ignoring the low whine from his brother as he put the blanket over him again since it had slipped down. “Eat something, or do I need to feed you?”

Kazu glared at him, but there was no heat in his eyes since he was as weak as a kitten and Ohno smiled as he tapped the cute button nose and pulled the tray over to start feeding Kazu. Kazu pressed his lips to close for a second longer before he opened them under Satoshi’s gentle nudging. 

It took a while until Kazu had eaten most of the bowl and Ohno allowed him to drink a bit of tea and take the cold medicine. Satoshi helped him lie down and pick up the tray when Kazu’s fingers clenched around his shirt. “I don’t want to be alone,” he cried. 

“Clingy,” Satoshi whispered but put the tray down and caressed his hair. He caught the tears clinging to his eyelashes and sighed. “I’ll stay until you fall asleep, okay?”

“Uhn,” Kazu mumbled and held tightly to his hand when he finally caught it. 

Satoshi chuckled and watched his little brother fall to sleep sighing at the tears that spilt over when Kazu dozed off. 

“Silly boy,” he whispered and held his hand as he leant back, knowing how lonely Kazu could get when he was ill, and this was better than household chores.

—

Two nights later the fever has finally gone down, and Satoshi had allowed Kazu to stay in the living room with him for a movie night since Kazu had whined so much about being bored in bed especially since he had a hard time concentrating on any of his games. 

So Satoshi had prepared them some snacks and lots of drinks and made sure that Kazu stayed under the blankets on the sofa before starting the first movie of the night. Kazu was all bundled up, munching on the sweet popcorn Satoshi had prepared, with his head on Satoshi’s lap who was playing with the soft strands, his fingers straying to his temple and forehead now and then to check his temperature. If it raised again, he would make Kazu go back to bed, but so far it was fine. 

“Sato-nii?”

“Mhmm?” Satoshi looked down when he felt Kazu turn on his lap to look up at him. “Bored of the movie already?”

Kazu shook his head slowly and furrowed his brows. 

“Sleepy do you need to go back to bed?”

“I don’t wanna,” he mumbled and looked back at the screen. 

Satoshi hummed and tickled his cheek as he watched him for a moment longer. Kazu’s cheeks were slightly red, and he nibbled on his lower lip as he stared at the TV. 

His eyes were not moving, though, so it was clear that he was not watching the movie but contemplating something in his head. And Satoshi felt a bit bad for teasing him. 

“What is up, Kazu?” he asked then, and Kazu shook his head. 

“Nothing,” he mumbled and held his hand. “You’ll always be my big brother, right?” he asked after a few moments, though. 

Satoshi felt his heart clench slightly at the small voice and then patted his head. “Of course, silly. Why?”

Kazu glanced at him slightly, but then he shook his head as he looked back at the TV, now finally following the movie once again. 

“Kazu…” Satoshi began, and Kazu looked at him for a second before concentrating back on the movie. “Whatever it is, you can always tell me. You know that, right?”

“Uhn,” Kazu said and squeezed his fingers tightly. “Thank you.”

Satoshi rubbed his earlobe, smiling when Kazu wriggled on top of him because he was ticklish there but then allowed him to watch the movie in peace. 

—

“You can ask your brother!” Masaki’s voice yelled excitedly and Satoshi blinked when Kazu hissed, and there was a muffled shout. 

He chuckled as he stared at the door of his little brother’s room and wondered what was going on between him and his friends that they were so loud. 

There was a crash and then laughter coming that sounded definitely like Jun and for a second Satoshi worried that one of the three was hurt. He stared at the door, lost in thought if he should check upon them, but decided against it. 

“Shut up, Masaki! If anybody hurts you. And stop laughing, J!”

Satoshi chuckled at the tone in his brother’s voice. He was definitely flushed, and it made Satoshi just more curious about what was going on. 

Oh well, there was nothing he could do right now to find out - because it would be too embarrassing for Kazu if he stepped in like that. And Satoshi knew it was better for him as well to stay out of the dispute. Still, he couldn’t help but be curious. 

He entered his room and let the door fall shut more loudly than he usually would, to maybe draw the other three boys out of Kazu’s room and talk with him. 

He shrugged out of his work clothes and hang them carefully on the side to wear them again tomorrow. 

He changed into more comfortable clothes and fell to his bed to read a comic book as he tried to relax and not listen to whatever happened in the room beside his. 

It took maybe an hour or so until there was a knock at his door and Satoshi sat up, before allowing the three boys in. 

Satoshi was amused as he watched them. Jun looked sceptical, like whatever they had talked about didn’t entertain him that much, Kazu looked embarrassed and was shuffling his feet as he stared at the floor. He was being pushed to the front by Masaki, who was the only one looking excited and happy. 

“What are you three up to?” he asked and Masaki nudged Kazu again, making the smaller boy almost fall. Kazu glared at him and crossed his arms in front of his chest. 

“Ask yourself,” he hissed and Satoshi lifted his eyebrow. 

“I won’t buy you drugs,” he said flatly, and Kazu paled for a second before he shook his head. 

“That’s not it!” he yelled. “What the hell!? Sato-nii, how would you even…?”

Satoshi’s eyes were dancing in amusement. “Cigarettes and alcohol are drugs, as well. And you are way too young,” he scolded, and Kazu huffed. 

“As if anyone would want that,” he grumbled with a wrinkled nose. Cigarettes smelled awful, and he was scared for life about alcohol since he had accidentally taken a sip of his grandfather's sake when he was younger. He had spit it out right away and cried half of the evening in his mother’s arm because of the taste. 

Satoshi chuckled and observed the three of them. “So, what is it?”

Masaki was swaying in joy as Jun looked a bit unsure now and Kazu was once again tongue-tied. What was going on in those heads, Satoshi wondered. 

“This is dumb…” Jun started and was about to drag the other two away again when Aiba blurted out: “Porn!”

“Masaki!” Kazu hissed again and turned around fast. He was swaying slightly because the movement was too fast, and Jun stared wide-eyed at the other boy as well. 

They were all blushing now, and Satoshi couldn’t help but giggle at their antics. “Porn?” he asked and tried not to succumb to laughter as he looked at the scandalised looks of Jun and Kazu while Masaki looked hopeful. 

“Yes, we want to watch some. And we can’t buy them,” Masaki said. “But you can!”

“Please just forget it,” Kazu whined and tried to run out of the room, but was stopped by Masaki. 

“We agreed to ask,” the older said, and Kazu grimaced.

“It is embarrassing!” Kazu hissed, and Satoshi wasn’t sure if Kazu had forgotten he was in the room with them. 

“It’s the duty of a big brother. I will have a collection ready whenever Yusuke is old enough.”

“Gross,” Jun mumbled, and Kazu looked close to throwing up at the thought of Masaki showing his little brother porn. Yusuke was only nine after all. 

Satoshi thought Masaki had a point probably - even if the boy was way too excited about it - and if he was honest, he had awaited Kazu to ask him about such stuff. It made somehow sense though that the other two pushed him towards that direction. 

“Sure,” he said after a little thought. “I can do that. Better that way than you trying to find something on the internet,” Satoshi mumbled with a shudder. That way, he could choose what he thought was safe.

“Yay!” Masaki cheered and ran over to hug him. “We want to meet at the weekend. Jun-kun is alone then, can you give it to Kazu then?”

Satoshi looked at Kazu, who seemed slightly insecure and wanted to cry but also very hopeful and nodded. “Sure,” he decided and chuckled when Kazu hid his face behind his hands while Jun thanked him as well. 

Later that night, Kazu slipped into his room, and Satoshi looked up with a smile. 

“Thought you would appear,” Satoshi whispered and lifted his blanket for the boy to slip in beside him since it was cold in his room. 

“I’m sorry for the mess earlier. You don’t have to…” Kazu mumbled. 

“It’s okay… Honestly.”

“Did you ask…?”

“Nee-san?”

Kazu nodded and hid his face. “No, I had older friends,” Satoshi reminded him and ruffled his hair. “It’s fun.”

Kazu wrinkled his nose as he couldn’t believe it entirely, but he also felt slight excitement in the pit of his stomach about experiencing that. 

“You won’t tell mama and papa, promise?”

“I promise, you can trust me,” Satoshi said with a smile and bopped his nose. 

“Thank you Sato-nii,” Kazu whispered, gifting him with a brilliant smile. 

Satoshi hugged him for a moment and then allowed him to leave when Kazu felt calm enough to sleep in his bed. 

Satoshi sighed and laid on his back, pressing the balls of his hands against his eyes as to not fantasising about his little brother masturbating. He was happy for the trust Kazu put into him, but he also could do without knowing how much his brother grew up.


	31. Chapter 31

They all looked a bit awkwardly at each other and moved nervously on their seats before Jun jumped to his feet. “I’ll go shower first!” he declared, running out of the room without any other word and for a second Kazu wished he could run away as well. But he was not so sure his feet would be able to carry him home right now. He still felt hazy.

Kazu glanced at Aiba who stared at the now black screen a bit longer, a small smile on his face and then stared down at his hands. Watching porn with others, Nino thought, was really stupid and awkward and a little bit scary. 

Jun came back two more towels in his hand and threw them at Nino and Aiba, bringing them out of their dazes. Aiba was grinning slightly.

“Should we…” he started, but Jun was glaring at him.

“No, take your showers, and we can play a game,” he decided, and Nino got to his feet relieved. He was glad that he was not the only one who felt a bit strange after today. It had been educational, maybe, a tiny bit, he thought, his mind going back to the movie they just had watched. There were questions in the back of his mind, but he was too tired and ashamed to be able to formulate them even in his head, so he gave up. He got to his shaky feet and managed a smile. 

“Thanks a shower sounds good,” he mumbled and dashed out of the room to get to the bathroom and take a shower. It was refreshing the sound of the water running over him, calming down his heart and mind, and he closed his eyes for a second. He was not sure how normal it was that his eyes lingered more on the man than the woman in the movie, but maybe it was just down to being shy, and he knew male bodies just so much better than female bodies. Heat raised in his cheeks as his mind went back to the had lines of the man’s body, and how he had orgasmed just when he had done. He was sure it was normal and okay. At least he hoped so, he thought with a groan as he washed away the soap on his body and changed into the new underwear he had brought with him, deciding not to think about all the embarrassment he had gone through just for this stupid idea of Aiba, he thought unhappily.

Aiba banged on the door, and Nino snorted as he slipped outside to let the other in. “You’re loud,” he grumbled.

“And you sure take your time showering,” Aiba complained right back as Nino stuck out his tongue. 

Back in the living room, the windows were wide open, bringing in the fresh air, the rest of the room was cleaned, and the other two had put the chairs - because neither of them would have wanted to sit close to each other on the sofa - back to the kitchen. 

“J?”

“Kitchen!”

Kazu wandered over to the kitchen and smiled weakly at Jun. “Do you need a hand?”

“I thought snacks and drinks were okay. Or do you want to go home right away?” Jun asked with furrowed brows as he stared at him. 

Kazu fidgeted slightly. On the one hand, going home would mean that he could hide away from the awkwardness he was sure would happen later on and he could be alone with his thoughts. On the other hand, being alone with his thoughts sounded scary, and Jun got that new party game that his parents told him he had to wait for until his birthday or Christmas if he didn’t want to buy it himself. And Nino already put most of his pocket money towards a collectable figure he really wanted. Kazu also knew that Jun would prefer them to stay a bit longer since he always felt uncomfortable alone at home, even if he would never tell his parents. 

“Okay,” Kazu nodded in the end and smiled. “Playing a game or two sounds good.”

He was rewarded by a bright smile from Jun who poured the freshly popped popcorn in a big bowl and Nino helped him to bring all the snacks he had made into the living room where Aiba was already lazing on the floor in front of the sofa, a game controller in his hands as he prepared the party game that they all wanted to try. 

—

“Come on, we can watch another video,” Aiba said and slightly nudged Kazu as he nibbled on his lips. “My parents already said it’s fine for me to stay overnight.”

“And I will make sure Masaki won’t choose the movie,” Jun snorted. Kazu looked at Aiba’s pout and giggled. 

“I don’t know if I’m allowed to stay overnight. I haven’t asked mama or papa,” Kazu said with a frown. And his parents were always a bit overly worried about him. Kazu knew it was partly because of his past - not that Kazu had dared to ask a lot yet. He knew that his parents adopted him and that his birth mother had not been ready to have children. 

Kazu also knew that his emotional problems stemmed a lot from his past and that his parents loved him a lot, and at the end, that was all that mattered. Thinking about his real mother hurt and made him panic a lot, so he tried not to do that. 

The other part of worry from his parents was because he was the youngest of the family. Satoshi used to tease him that his mother still saw him as their baby, which of course was untrue, but at the same time, his mother was a lot more protective about him. Therefore Kazu knew that they would worry if they knew Jun’s parents weren’t at home. 

He huffed at the thought and rolled his eyes. Then again, they had watched their first porn today, so he was NOT a child anymore (not that he would tell his mother that small detail. God the embarrassment at just that thought.)

“I can ask,” he said when the other two looked expectantly at them. 

“Great! We can order take-out,” Jun said excitedly, and Nino scrunched up his nose.

“I didn’t bring money,” he mumbled. “I didn’t think I would need it.”

“I got money from my parents. If we chose cheap food we’d be fine,” Jun said, but he didn’t sound as sure anymore, and Nino felt a bit uncomfortable because he knew that it would be hard for three meals and he didn’t like the thought of Jun not getting what he was looking forward to because Jun’s parents never allowed take-out usually. 

Still, he stood to follow Jun to the phone and called his parents, smiling thankfully when Jun left him alone for as long as he needed.

“Hey, mama,” he greeted happily when the woman answered the phone. 

“Sweetheart, is everything okay? Did something happen, or do you need a ride home?”

“No, everything is alright. Jun asked if we wanted to stay overnight. Masaki’s parents already said yes.”

There was silence at the other end, and Nino played nervously with the cord as he could already imagine the frown on her face. 

“What do his parents say?”

“Jun is alone tonight. His parents are out with his grandparents,” he explained. 

“You lot could sleep over here…” she said slowly, and Kazu grimaced. That was not an idea he liked. “But you probably would want to be on your own and not under parental observation,” she sighed, and Kazu knew that she was reminding herself that he was growing up. 

“Mama, may I?”

“Do you have a change of clothes? And what are you going to eat?”

“We were thinking of getting take-out and have snacks while watching a movie. Maybe we’ll run to the conbini.” He thought of his dirtied shorts and tried hard not to blush as he hummed. “And no, I don’t, but it’s okay for one night.”

“I will send Satoshi over with some new clothes and some money so that you can pay your share.”

“Jun got money from his parents,” Kazu said, trying to sound not too hopeful or eager because his own money for food would be great. “And I’m sure Sato-nii has plans?”

Kazu could hear her calling Satoshi and his brother answering back, before some more words and then his brother on the line. 

“Kazu, I will come over before I meet up with my friends. Do you have any preferences?”

“No,” Nino said, hiding his red face when Satoshi laughed at the other end. 

“How about your teddy?”

“NO! You’re stupid, Sato-nii,” he grumbled, and Satoshi giggled. 

“Did you lot have fun?”

“I’m hanging up,” Kazu mumbled with a frown as hid his face behind his hands. 

“Got it, I will hurry, I’m sure after today you need nourishment.”

“Sato-nii!” he yelled and with laughter in his voice Satoshi told him to take care and that his mother wanted him to call if anything happened before ending the call. 

Nino buried his head in his knees, breathing in and out deeply as he tried to calm down. When he was sure he was not blushing anymore, he went to the living room to tell the other two he was allowed to stay overnight and that his brother would come soon over to check on them and give him money for their dinner.


	32. Chapter 32

Satoshi rang the doorbell to Jun's family home, and soon enough, the door opened a bit. He chuckled when he was met with a glare from his little brother. 

"Sato-nii," he mumbled in greeting, a deep frown on his face and Satoshi had to bit his lips as not to laugh out loud. Kazu held out his hand and looked at him. "My stuff," he asked when Satoshi lifted his eyebrow. "Please."

"You do realise that mum wanted me to make sure all three of you are still alive?" Satoshi asked with a soft smile, but he was already pulling the bag off his shoulder. 

Kazu snorted and glared at him. "What are you even talking about. Nobody is dead or hurt," he grumbled. "And I won't let you in. You will just make fun of us!"

"Ouch," Satoshi said as he winced playfully, but thought it was fair. He had teased his little brother a lot over the phone. 

Kazu wriggled against the doorway as he tried his hardest not to open the door any further. Satoshi put the bag's strap in his hand and held his palm for a second. 

"What?" Kazu asked with a frown, staring down at their hands for a second, before snatching it away and putting the bag behind his bag. "I'm not changing my mind."

"Mum gave me extra for emergencies," Satoshi explained, and Kazu pursed his lips. They would be staying at home, so he didn't get the reason, but still, he nodded slowly. "And she told me to make sure you know that you can call them any time tonight. It doesn't matter how late and they will come over if something happened."

"We are not babies."

"But mum worries," Satoshi reminded him and bopped his nose. He couldn't help himself. Kazu wrinkled it as in answer with a small pout.

"She doesn't if it's you."

"She does," Satoshi said patiently. "But surely you are the baby of the family if you like it or not. It's normal Kazu."

Kazu deflated and then nodded slowly. "I will call if something happens, but I'm sure it won't."

"Don't watch horror movies."

"I hate you."

"No, honestly. Horror movies are scary when you are alone the first time," Satoshi said seriously. "This is just me caring, okay? No teasing this time."

Kazu grumbled but nodded as he sighed. "Go away now. I'm home tomorrow around ten or so."

"Good, greetings to the rest, have fun, try not to cry."

Kazu stuck out his tongue at Satoshi and pushed him away finally when he could hear Jun asking if Satoshi would come in or not. 

Satoshi laughed as he wriggled his eyebrows and Kazu glared back at him once more, before closing the door. Awful meddling big brothers!

—

"Satoshi already left?" Jun asked surprised when Kazu came back to the living room, and Kazu nodded with a hum. 

"He's off to meet with his girlfriend," he said and wrinkled his nose. He found it very strange that Satoshi had a girlfriend even if he could not put his finger on why. 

"Jealous?" Aiba teased, and Kazu rolled his eyes.

"Of course not. It's just… I mean I saw them making out, so it's strange," he ended lamely. "But anyway I got money and mama, and papa said to call if anything happened and they will come over."

Jun nodded with a grin and ruffled Kazu's hair who groaned and pushed the other away. "Leave me alone. I'm hungry, let's order food already!"

"Yes, yes," Jun said, and Aiba cheered as his stomach had already grumbled before Satoshi had come. But without the necessary money, they couldn't order anything, of course. Jun pulled out the restaurant's pamphlet he wanted to order from, and they all bent over the leaflet to decide on something. 

"So what should we watch? Horror movies?" Aiba tried again after Jun had made the necessary calls and they all lounged on the sofa. 

Jun rubbed his temple as Kazu shook his head. He didn't like horror movies to begin with, and even without Satoshi's words, he didn't want to see them. But Satoshi's warning had made that decision just clearer to him. 

"I don't like them," Kazu mumbled and kicked Aiba's ankle when the other pouted. "And you don't either. You are scared all the time if you watch one!"

"But that's the fun part!" Aiba said. Kazu snorted but shook his head again. "Spoilsport."

"We can watch an action movie or something. There is one I wanted to watch. Dad bought it before they left. And no we won't re-watch the porn video again. You can take it home and do it on your own!"

"Didn't you like it?" Aiba asked with impossibly big eyes, and Nino wriggled uncomfortably on the sofa. 

Jun shrugged and then snorted. "Of course, I did." Jun rolled his eyes and hit Aiba's head when he grinned. "But it's strange to watch together and get off to it."

Kazu observed Jun and giggled after a second when he realised that even if Jun tried so very hard to be confident and nonplussed, he was blushing quite severely. 

"The woman was pretty. Very hot looking," Aiba hummed in agreement. Kazu nibbled on his lips as he tried hard to remember how she even looked, but it was hard and a mess in his head, but he nodded mutely when Jun agreed, saying how much he liked her butt. He felt uncomfortable between them but supposed that it was normal for boys to talk about such things, so he wanted to do the same. 

He sighed inwardly and frowned a bit as he pursed his lips and pressed his chin against his knees. Why was it always so hard to be just ordinary. 

"What do you think, Kazu?"

"Huh?"

"Do you like breasts or butts more?" Jun repeated, and Aiba giggled beside them. "Masaki says breasts because it's just natural. I like butts more."

Kazu shrugged and frowned a little bit at the question. He had never thought about that. And how did you even come to that conclusion? It's not as if he would stare at his classmates. That was just perverse. "Dunno," he grumbled. "You don't stare at people…"

"Of course you don't if you are not a pervert! But there are magazines," Jun agreed and shoved Kazu's shoulder who cried out in shock as he was pushed into Aiba, who giggled and wormed his arms around his body. 

"Leave Kazu alone, Jun-kun. He is just an innocent baby."

"I'm not a baby," Kazu snorted. "Stop it; it's unfair."

"Okay, okay, but you're innocent. That's cute."

"We can't all be perverts like you are," Kazu grumbled, grinning when Aiba pouted, and Jun nodded in agreement. He was saved by the bell for more teasing though as Jun jumped to his feet and grabbed the money they had already all collected on the middle of the table. 

"Food, food, food," Aiba sang, and Kazu chuckled as he wriggled out of his hold. 

"You're so stupid."

Aiba grinned but shrugged at his words and then started to clear out the stuff on the table and put in the movie. Nino breathed in relief as he hoped to have a bit more time to collect his thoughts again before the other two would ask again about his likes and dislikes in women. He frowned as he tried to remember what he liked in Erika, but that had been easy. She was friendly, he liked her smile and laughs, and she was a killer at video games, and her hands had been warm in his when they walked.

He sighed and nibbled on his lower lip as his mind again went to the video they had watched earlier and how his eyes had strayed to the man more than the woman. Maybe he was not expected, he thought unhappily as Jun came back and handed out their ordered meals with a grin. 

— 

It was late in the evening, and they were all piled up in Jun's room. Jun had pulled down his mattress from the bed and another from their guest room because somehow, that sounded more fun than staying in different rooms. 

Kazu sighed as he rolled to his side and stared at the other two who seemed to sleep already, but he just couldn't. He was confused and worried and, yeah, mostly confused. 

"J, Masaki, are you still awake?" he whispered hesitantly, his eyes on the glowing numbers of Jun's alarm. He was insecure if he even wanted to talk about what was on his mind, but if the other two were already asleep, he could act as if he at least tried. 

"What are you sca—?" Aiba started, and Kazu already felt annoyed. He was not scared after all, but honestly worried. Aiba yelled suddenly, and Kazu buried his face in the cushion as he chuckled because Jun had hit the other to shut him up. 

He could hear the younger boy move beside him and then peer down at him. 

"What is up? You were thinking about something most of the day already," he asked, and Kazu was happy that Jun realised but didn't say anything. He breathed in deeply as Aiba also got more serious and stared at him. 

"You know we help if we can, right?" Aiba said, and Kazu nodded in agreement. He knew that. They never teased if it was important. 

"I think I'm not normal…"

Jun clicked his tongue while Aiba giggled. "As if anybody is normal," Aiba said, and Kazu grinned in agreement. His friends were the best example of that, after all. 

Kazu took a deep breath though and then closed his eyes as he looked down at the cushion. This all was so very stupid.

"Why do you think you aren't normal?"

"I think I don't like girls as you do," he mumbled a bit nervous about their reaction. What if they hated him suddenly? 

"Huh? Why?" Aiba asked in confusion and yelled again when Jun hit him. 

"Stop hitting, Masaki," Kazu chuckled.

"He's stupid today," Jun argued, and Kazu giggled. 

"I don't think the hits are helping though," Kazu said, and Aiba agreed with a pout. 

"So how did you find out?" Aiba tried again, and Kazu sighed. 

"The video, my eyes wandered more to him than her," he mumbled in the end, feeling to his shocks tears in his eyes. "I thought it's because his body is something I'm more used to, but you both looked more at the girl, right?"

"Uhn," they mumbled in agreement, and Kazu pressed his face against his cushion. 

He flinched when an arm landed on his back before it moved around his shoulders and he looked to his side to be face to face with Aiba who smiled at him. 

"But that's okay. Doesn't mean you are not normal, stupid," he said and ruffled his hair. 

Kazu stared at him in silence huffing when Jun climbed onto his other side and put his arm around him as well. 

"Masaki is right, Kazu. It doesn't mean anything but that you are more interested in guys than girls which is totally normal."

Nino hummed and nodded in understanding, as he closed his eyes. He felt a lot better now after telling the other two. He still was worried and unhappy about yet again a thing that was not as with the others, but it was easier to accept with his friends.

A/N: Sorry if this sucks >< I had a hard time with this.


	33. Chapter 33

Kazu felt his cheeks heat up as his eyes crossed with a boy from the other class and stared back down at his book where he was supposed to answer the questions, but it somehow didn't want to get into his head today. He couldn't concentrate much on the lessons, and he was not sure if the strange feeling in his stomach was because of fear about the upcoming exams, an illness or… He shook his head and almost shrieked when a warm arm was thrown over his shoulder. 

"Masaki!" he hissed, staring at the other boy who was grinning down on him. He frowned about to scold him further that he was disturbing the lesson when his senses caught up with the commotion in class. 

He looked around, surprised to see that most were packing up since the lesson had ended. 

"What are you daydreaming about?" Aiba asked, and Kazu frowned. 

"Nothing. I'm trying to get this stuff into my dumb head," he grumbled, growling when Jun flicked his nose. 

"Stop belittling yourself," he snorted, and Kazu shrugged uncomfortably. He didn't understand why everybody around him (at least everybody that mattered) would always scold him when he said anything like that but were allowed to say that themselves. 

He deflated slightly when Aiba let go and helped him to pack his stuff. "So no daydreaming?"

"My head is a mess," Kazu mumbled with a small grimace. He had taken the last days to see if he was more into boys than girls, and it was messing with his head a lot. Now that he was really looking, he often felt slight hot shots through his body when there was a very charming smile or the eyes just seem right and some actors… It had ended with some very uncomfortable mornings, and he was deeply embarrassed when Satoshi got ready for work so early in the morning that he found him more than once in the bathroom cleaning stuff. 

Not that Satoshi had ever said anything but Kazu could see the slight amusement in his eyes and maybe something else that Kazu could not yet decipher. Perhaps he would understand if he asked, but just the thought of telling his brother about his dreams was awkward. It was embarrassing enough that Aiba and Jun knew where his eyes strayed to more than might be healthy (then again… Aiba always blabbered on and on about girls he liked or how hot a certain actress looked, so he thought he was still safe). 

"Let's go get hamburger and milkshakes? After school clubs are cancelled for today," Aiba declared, and Kazu blinked.

"Huh?" he said, surprised. 

"Sounds great," Jun agreed and pulled Kazu to his feet. 

"What?" Kazu repeated as he stumbled along at the sudden pull. 

"Or do you have to go home right away?"

"Nobody's home," Kazu mumbled as he wrinkled his nose and snatched his bag from Aiba to check on it. "Mama's still at work, and papa is on a business trip to Kyoto." He has no idea about Satoshi, but he supposed that the other was out with his friends, like most of the time after work. 

"Good then," Aiba decided, and Kazu frowned but then shrugged and decided just to follow them. They were right. After all, there were no clubs, it was time for a late lunch, and his mother didn't expect him home until this evening. His heartbeat a bit faster at the memory that he would be alone for the weekend with the woman, and even if he loved spending time alone with his mother, he was a bit nervous now. 

He hadn't told his parents anything yet. Still, he was not sure he could hide his thought process from her over a whole weekend together (and there was no good excuse not to. It was their ritual to spend at least one full day together watching bad movies and eating snacks when they were alone. And Kazu loved those very special days.)

Kazu also knew that his fears of telling his parents and their disappointment at another thing he was not expected would probably spiral if not taken care of. Kazu was not looking forward to nightmares of not being loved, of having to leave the family that was his now, and of monsters that just hurt him. 

One of these days, he would maybe be brave enough to ask for a picture of his birth parents or something similar, but as it was right now, he still wanted to forget that the person was not Keiko.

He shook those thoughts off his mind and looked up when they stopped finally. He furrowed his brows and stared at the other two. "I thought you said we were getting burgers. Why are we at the arcade?"

"There is a fast food place inside," Jun snorted. "So you will get burgers and a milkshake."

"With extra fries," Nino said with a grin, and Jun lifted his eyebrow. "And of course you'll pay, right? I mean, you dragged me off without asking if I even had money on me."

Jun tweaked his nose but had to chuckle at the puppy look Nino shot them. "Brat," He grumbled but then shrugged it off. Kazu got his allowance but spent it fast on magazines or games, which he then shared with him and Aiba, so it was almost custom for them to pay for Kazu's food.

"And there is a new game booth I wanted to try. It's multi-player," Aiba said and wriggled his eyebrow. "You said you could stay out for a while."

Kazu whined as he was pulled along inside but then stopped as he observed all the game booths inside. Maybe a game or two wouldn't be too bad, he thought. At least a lot better than to sit over his books and try to get everything inside his brain when his mind was so busy with different stuff. A grin appeared on his face as Jun told them to sit down on one of the left tables that were empty and leant against the chair. 

"You're looking forward to games," Aiba teased, and Kazu stuck out his tongue. "It's good. You were tense."

Kazu shrugged with a sigh. "A lot on my mind, I suppose," he agreed then, his finger tracing the rim of the table. He found a small indentation which he played with with his fingernail as he wrinkled his nose. 

"You just think too much," Aiba continued.

"And you think too little."

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Children, please," Jun suddenly got in-between them and put the tray with their food in the middle. "I leave you for a few minutes, and you are fighting?"

"Kazu says, I think too little."

"Because you are awful and say I overthink, which implies you think I'm stupid for doing so."

Jun snorted and shook his head. "You're both awful. Eat. I won't let my money go to vain because you moan that the food sucks because it's cold."

Kazu and Aiba both glared for a second at each other before huffing and starting to eat. Kazu's eyes fell on Jun, who rolled his eyes as he stuffed a fry into his mouth and had to giggle. 

"What is it now?" Jun asked, sounding way too wary for his age. 

"Just the image of you eating fast food," Nino giggled and shook his head. "Stop rolling your eyes, or they stay like that."

"Then stop being stupid, or you'll become like Masa."

"OI!" Aiba yelled, but he was laughing since he knew there was no real malice behind Jun's words.

"But honestly. You manage to look so out of place here. No wonder people call you king!"

"Don't they call him emperor?" Aiba asked curiously, and Kazu furrowed his brows as he looked at the other boys. 

"Do they?"

"Yup, I heard the younger ones call him emperor in the basketball club."

"Oh! In the baseball club, they call him king," Nino giggled. "Because he has an aura, right?"

Aiba agreed with a small grin on his face, which only got wider when Jun groaned and asked for spiritual guidance under his breath. 

Ah, friends were the best, Kazu thought, feeling much lighter now. 

"Question," Jun said after they had finished their food and were still sipping on their milkshakes. 

"What?" Kazu asked when he felt both pairs of eyes on him and pursed his lips. 

"Did you ever consider asking a boy for a date? I know you look at the one from class D."

"Do not."

"You do. All dreamy-eyed, and you blush a lot when he's mentioned."

"Not true!" Kazu denied and hid his face, which he felt burning up under his hands. Did he? Oh God, that was embarrassing!

"So did you? Consider dating?"

"No," Kazu said in a small voice and grimaced. "I wouldn't know if he felt similar, and it's embarrassing to ask for such a thing."

"You did with Erika!"

Kazu blushed a bit more as he shook his head. They did end up dating, but it was mostly because of his friends' meddling nature and because Erika was pretty straightforward after she realised that he needed more of a push than just inviting him over for games. 

"You're so hopeless," Jun laughed. 

"But lucky for you, you have us!" Aiba declared, and Kazu paled very quickly.

"What?!"

But all he got as an answer was a wink from Aiba and Jun's command to finish his drink so that they could continue.


End file.
